I loved bedtime stories as a kid, especially when I was sick. My dad would do a little trick. Instead of him telling me stories, he’d make me tell him stories instead. For instance when I watched “Jaws” for the first time, he made me recount the entire movie for him while I was sick in the hospital. It kinda worked. I didn’t realize much of the pain, trying to remember all the gory details of the tale about the man-eating shark.
January 6, 2009 → The Top Ten Things You Don’t Want To Hear In A Bedtime Story – Astroboy
- Ice_Wolf – “At night, Aladdin would dream about Princess Jasmine, as he stroked his magic lamp, faster and faster, until the Genie pops out.”
- Specialist – “Papa Bear saw Goldilocks so he shred her to pieces and ate her for dinner.”
- Michelangelo – “Gretel shoved the witch into the burning furnace. Since then, she developed an uncontrollable urge to push elderly women to their untimely deaths.”
- Geyp – “Hansel found his sister Gretel quite hot. And the scandalous incestuous fling that rocked the fairytale world ensued.”
- Mr. Perk – “Prince Charming found an empty bottle of prescription sleeping pills beside Sleeping Beauty.”
- Cheyenne – “And when Prince Charming was sure that Sleeping Beauty could NOT be awakened, he ripped her dress off and had his way with her as she slept.”
- Jorik – Prince: “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair weave…”
- Eylek – “Ariel slapped Nemo because he swam into her coochie.”
- Oscar dela Hopia – “Dopey stood right in front of Snow White and said: ‘Gee, your hair smells terrific!'”
- Astroboy – “Goldilocks looked in the mirror and screamed: ‘Aaaaah! Bakit may Red Ribbon ang hair ko?'”
- TReiz – “And Snow White finally met the seven dwarves: Sociopath, Bipolar, Narcoleptic, Hypochondriac, Insomniac, Schizophrenic and Manic-Depressive.”
- Elmer – “And Gaston and the Beast lived happily together in Brokeback Castle.”
- Dru – “Then, the fairy godmother, who was drunk, told the princess: ‘Honey, happy endings are basically sad endings that haven’t finished yet.'”
- KiD BuKid – “Tinkerbell and Captain Hook fell in love and they lived happily ever after, even though she had to deal with hook marks on her crotch.”
- Jose de vengenge – Blue Fairy: “Pinocchio, I will turn you into a real boy!” Pinocchio: “Girl, pwede ba fairy na lang?”
- Obelisk – “On their honeymoon, Humpty Dumpty’s wife said to him after he undressed: ‘Ang laki pala ng itlog mo…'”
- Your Highness – “The Big Bad Wolf made Humpty Dumpty into scrambled eggs and the 3 little pigs into bacon, and ate them for breakfast.”
- Jose de vengenge – “And so Snow White spent the rest of her days as an endorser for glutathione.”
- Merski – “Pinocchio never became a real boy. So he lived the rest of his life with a wood pecker.”
- Frederique – “Fairy Godmother warned Cinderella to be home by midnight, because her vajayjay will turn into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight. Cinderella said: ‘It’s all good, my date is Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater.'”