The Best And The Rest 154

I love statements that make you stop in your tracks and think even without thinking you’re thinking.  One of my favorites is Dorothy Parker.  I luuurve her!  I enjoy Top Tens like this. Hands down one of my all-time favorite topics.  I like the laugh out loud ones, but I also love the ones that make you go hmmm…

November 17, 2008 → The Top Ten Most Brilliant Statements You’ve Ever Heard

1. Patatas – “Before, I was indecisive. Now, I’m not so sure…”
2. Yen – Madonna: “A lot of people are afraid to ask for what they want. That’s why they don’t get what they want.”
3. SC – “Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change.”
4. Faye  - “God will take care of what you go through. You take care of how you go through it.”
5. Faye – “God gave us relatives. Thank God we can choose our friends.”
6. MNEMONIC – Kevin Welch: “There will be 2 dates on your t0mbstone, but what matters is that little dash between them.”
7. Dempy – Me talking to a friend: “Alam mo, dapat hindi ka naniniwala sa multo.” Friend: “Bakit naman?” Me: “Kasi, sabi ng alaga kong dwende, hindi daw sila totoo.”
8. Adrian/No name – Oprah Winfrey: “Always keep your words SOFT and SWEET, just in case you’ll have to eat them.”
9. Purple – Scully, frustrated with Mulder’s endless search for the truth: “You already believe Mulder, what more will proof do for you?”
10. Philip Ivan Oliver – “No matter what happened in the past, IT’S OVER. Yesterday ended last night.”
11. No name – “Paano mo makikita yung para sa iyo, kung ayaw mong tantanan yung pinipilit mong maging para sa iyo.”
12. Professional Heckler – “There are 2 kinds of pedestrians: the quick & the dead.”
13. Professional Heckler – “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”
14. Zane – Michael Jordan: “You miss 100% of the shots you didn’t take.”
15. No name – House MD: “If you talk to God, you are religous. If God talks to you, you are psychotic.”
16. Amber – “All desirable things in life are either ILLEGAL, FATTENING, OR MARRIED TO OTHERS!”
17. No name – “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”
18. Jesse Jude - “God doesn’t believe in atheists.”
19. Warriorpoet – “Science is too young to understand God.”
20. Forg – Ray Romano: “The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my parents an apology.”
21. Forg – Lance Armstrong: “A boo is a lot louder than a cheer.”
22. Faye – “I know God will not give me problems I cant handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.”
23. No name – From the Bible (Book of Sirach): “Do not envy a sinner, you do not know what his end will be.”
24. Mau – “Give the devil an inch, and he’ll be a ruler.”
25. Nok – “Loneliness is often a self-inflicted wound.”
26. Bryan – From Notes on a Scandal: “It takes courage to recognize the real as opposed to the convenient.”
27. Unplainedrice – Bugs Bunny: “I like dead end signs. They have the decency to let you know you’re going nowhere.”
28. Professional Heckler – “Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good, is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.”
29. Spongebob – Hubert Humphrey: “The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.”
30. Ping Hapon – “It’s easy to be a human being. It’s being human that’s hard.”
31. Bajoink – John Maxwell: “Life becomes easier only when we cease to think that it should be easy.”
32. Garfield 128 – Sigmund Freud: “The harder you try to forget something, the more you think about it subconsciously.”
33. Freckles - ”Nobody cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.”
34. Billy – Oscar Wilde: “All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man d0es. That is his.”
35. Lintang Keringkeng – “What other people think of you is none of your business.”
36. Hopeful – Dalai Lama: “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. If we cannot help them, at least don’t hurt them.”
37. Jhex - “When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch & hurt you now, but in the end, you end up polished & they end up useless.”
38. Professional Heckler – “Courtship is request. Marriage is conquest. Divorce is inquest.”
39. Miguelito – “Always remember na kahit gaano man kalalim ang ilog, hanggang dibdib lang ito ng duck!”
40. Acer – John Lennon: “Time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted.”
41. Espeks – Don Miguel Ruiz: “What we call education is nothing but a domestication of the human being.”
42. Baba – from Conversations with God Book 1: “If you do not go within, you go without.”
43. Dru – Charito Solis: “There are no such things as small roles, only small actors.”
44. El Torto – “Who can see the future? Those who create it.”
45. Humdinger – From the book, Hannibal: “The worm that destroys you is the temptation to agree with your critics; to get their approval.”
46. Keizha – “Don’t stop when you’re tired, stop when you’re done.”
47. Kapitan Kopleng - Paolo Coelho: “If something is really meant for you, the universe will conspire to make it happen.”
48. Dru – Madonna: “Poor is the man who’s pleasures depend on the permission of another.”
49. Acer – George Harrison: “I wanted to be successful, not famous.”
50. Disenchanted – Stephen King: “God is cruel. Sometimes he makes you live.”
51. Professional Heckler – “War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.”
52. Boknoi – Mohandas Gandhi: “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
53. Daisy6 - Bill Gates: “I think everybody should get rich and be famous and do everything he ever dreamed of, so he can realize that it’s not the answer to happiness.”

Videos I Like 4

Air New Zealand

I hope you noticed that the entire flight crew was actually wearing NOTHING except body paint! Hands down the coolest presentation of the safety reminders of ANY airline. Gives new meaning to the term “take off”.

Kush

Women with big boobs out there, tell me this product actually makes sense!  Because from my vantage point, it’s seems pretty silly to me.  But then, I don’t have big boobs. In fact, I don’t have boobs, period.

Squirrel

Wow, poor rodent! Or lucky rodent, depending on your proclivities.  There ought to be a law against holding a squirrel hostage in your cleavage against its will.

Evian Babies

You’ll find this either cute or creepy.  I find it outright creepy.  But I have to give the copywriters an A for A-fort.

F*ck You

Such a cute video for a cute song.  This is exactly how I feel when I’m having a bad day. But Lily Allen’s version is actually much nicer than my daydreams when I’m in a foul mood.  You just gotta love her!

Nobody

Here’s the U.S. version of this huge Asian hit from K-pop girl group Wonder Girls.  Apparently, this song is HUGE.  But we haven’t the slightest idea what this song was until friends showed us the video.  Even the Cebu inmates have their version of the pop ditty.  Have we been living under a rock?  Anyway, here’s the American video; let’s see if it makes a dent in the Hot 100…

Perpetuum Jazzile

This is really cool.  Of course the Slovenian accent is a bit distracting, especially the jazz spirit fingers choreo, but all in all, it was an enchanting a cappella version of the Toto classic.  Straight No Chaser, another a cappella choir also has a version, but this one was extra amusing because of the rain/thunderstorm part.

Os Seminovos

Perversion is in the eye of the beholder.  I bet you thought it was dirty, didn’t you?  Well, a dirty mind sees dirty things.

And now for the last video. Hands down, the saddest video I’ve seen of the late King of Pop, only because it’s a peek at how sad a life he actually led, despite being one of the most successful performers EVER.  And to see him with a kindred spirit, Elizabeth Taylor, both trying to enjoy whatever can be salvaged from the lost innocence of Christmas, was a sad sight to see.  Two grown-ups, trying to enjoy the holiday the way kids would, as best as they could approximate.  It broke my heart.

Michael Jackson’s First Christmas

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In my whole life, I’ve only agreed to one EB.  It was okay, relatively painless, but I swore never to do it again.  To much stress, and for me, not worth the aggravation. But I guess it’s something other people enjoy.  But group EB’s I’m pretty cool with.  I’m talking more of the one-on-one EB’s. Not my thing.

November 14, 2008 → The Top Ten EyeBall Moments – Astroboy

1. Boknoi – I had a chatmate whose codename was CZ. I asked her what CZ stands for. She said that it stands for Catherine Zeta because most of her friends say that she’s a deadringer for the said actress. When it was time for us to EB, three things came to my mind: (1) her friends are blind, (2) her friends are liars, and (3) she looks more like Catherine Cita Astals (comedienne turned councilor of manila) than Catherine Zeta Jones.
2. A.d.i.d.a.s. – During one EB, my date kept on staying on my right. Finally I asked her why she did that,  and she cutely answered that she had a pimple on her right cheek.
3. Riza – A chatmate said he has “rosy cheeks”. I thought I hit the jackpot for bagging a mestizo.  When I finally saw him, he had a huge red balat on his left cheek.
4. Haegan – When I met my chatmate in a fastfood, she ordered food for 5. She said iuuwi lang niya muna sa bahay before we “toot toot”. When she got off at her place to frop off the food, I told the taxi driver, “Bilis manong, itakbo mo na!”
5. Darwin – I had a chatmate named Nyoy. When I met him I found out why: Mukha siyang ab-nyoy.
6. Noel – Eyeball text moment: “San na u? D2 na me! Nakared aku!”
7. Astroboy – During one of the forum rushers EBs, I was one of the 1st to arrive. While waitng, a guy w/ a big voice suddenly holds my shoulders & said, “Miss, this table is reserved for perverts.” I got so scared, yun pala it was one of the rushers whom I haven’t met yet, but who recognized me.
8. Whachacoco – Sa isang EB naming mga ragnarok players, I was shocked to find out that one of my female profs was there.
9. Chinese Cowboy – I was shocked to see in one EB, a girl I thought was pretty, but turned out looking like Madame Auring!
10. Chinese Cowboy – I had a friend who met a hot girl at an EB, they had sex, then he found out she gave him a disease.
11. Dexter’s Lab – During one of the EBs with pba.ph (PHIL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION) forum members, I was able to meet some of the popular PBA players.
12. Purple – I’ve always had a huge crush on Luis Manzano. One day I decided to search for his email ad everywhere online, found it, added him on my IM, and I took a chance. He accepted my invitation and was very friendly when we talked online. Eventually I decided to meet him and went to ABS-CBN. I was nervous but he made me feel like we already knew each other since we’ve been chatting. Now we’re friends. Best EB ever.
13. Angus – A few years ago, I got a girlfriend through text. Her voice was okay and her picture was okay. But when I met her, she made me wish I was dead: she looked like an orc compared to her picture. Hideous and fake. The relationship lasted no more than 24 hours.
14. Maximo – Tinanong ako ng girl, “Akala ko ba 5′7″ ka, eh bakit ang liit mo?” Ang sabi ko, “Yung height ko 5 feet, pero yung akin, 7 inches.” After that, naka-ngiti na siya abot hanggang tenga.
15. Ms. Pisces – A textmate said he looked like Jericho Rosales. When I met him, kamuha nga niya si Echo – Echo na binugbog.

99 Balloons

When we visited our barkada couple who are brand new parents, they showed us this video.  Weird, because there seems to be a pervading cloud of death in the air, not just in the world, or in the country, but even in my family’s life.  Of course there was Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays and Karl Malden, all within a week, then 2 of my sister’s dearest friends dying just a day apart, and now, former President, the beloved Cory Aquino fighting for her life, it was just weird to be watching a video, again with death playing a lead role.

I don’t even try to read anything into it, or over-process it, I just try to write it off as a simple fact of life, like birth, like rain, like earthquakes.  It’s just freaking me out I guess, having so many in a row.  Death knocks at every door, but we never think it’ll knock on ours.  It’s unnerving when it knocks on doors of people we know or people close to us.  We love celebrating life, but we look away when its ungainly twin rears its unwelcome head.  I’m no exception.

Herbal Medicine

The last blood test I had showed that I have high cholesterol levels and alarming levels of SGOT and SGPT, whatever those are, so I had little choice but to come back to our family doctor.

Now the thing is, we’re not Chinese, but ever since my dad died in 1996, we’ve been going to practitioners of Chinese traditional medicine, more specifically, our herbalist and our acupuncturist.  Since then , every time we get sick, we troop to Binondo for our medicinal herbs which we boil to make tea.  Now, we’re not talking English Breakfast, Earl Grey, Oolong, or or some fancy dinner tea, but hardcore,muddy, boiled-ashtray tasting tea.  Each person is prescribed a different set of herbs, depending on what ails you.  The herbs range from leaves, twigs, barks, stems, branches, roots, berries, dried fruits, and even non-herbs like insects and shellfish and other hell-knows-what.  And the taste after it’s boiled ranges from mildly pungent to outright vomit-inducing.  But after 13 years of drinking the different brews and concoctions, we’ve pretty much gotten used to it.  I used to retch every time I drank it, needing candy or sweet juice as chaser to stamp out the foul taste of the medicinal potion.  Even the whole kitchen reeks of what I can only describe in the vernacular as, “pinakuluang takong ng laos na bold star”.

So after being remiss in visiting our herbalist, I was back.  He gave me a “tsk, tsk” for being M.I.A. for so long, only to return damaged without his elixirs, but it’s all good.  Maybe to punish me he gave me extra nasty herbs, but I’m willing to take it like a man.  He said my liver was weak and my cholesterol was really bad.  So here’s a picture of my herbs for this week:

It’s got some vine-looking things, some twigs, some tree bark, some wood shavings, some cork-looking thingy, some roots, and most disturbing of all, something that can only be described as dried and flattened cow dung.  I’m sure it’s not (I hope it’s not!), but it looks like it.  Oh well, bottoms up! Salud!

The Best And The Rest 152

It’s a classic question: what would you do if you were the opposite sex? But since Beyonce cornered the market for the girls, we limited the question for the ladies only.  But can can answer too, what they would do if they were boys, if they were girls.  Get it?  Oh well.

November 13, 2008 → The Top Ten Ways To Complete The Statement, “If I Were A Boy…” – Boknoi

1. Louise - If I were a boy, I’d probably be a discreet, brokeback, once-a-year kind of gay, because deep in my heart of hearts, I’m a girly girl.
2. Spongebob – If I were a boy, I’d go for one of my ex-girlfriends. But then I AM a boy, pero boy din ang gusto ko.
3. Astroboy – If I were a boy, I’d be called Astrogirl.
4. Amber – If I were a boy, I’d look beyond the physical to give chances to girls who are plain-faced, but who have great personalities.
5. Racer – If I were a boy, I’d court and love my girlfriend so much, so that she wouldn’t turn gay. (Fyi: my girlfriend was straight but turned gay after 10 heartaches caused by stupid men.)
6. Chelsi – If I were a boy, I would no longer need tissue to pee.
7. Rebelyn – If I were a boy, I’d enjoy never having to wax my legs ever again!
8. Lintang Keringkeng – If I were a boy, maybe papansinin na ako ni “papa”. He doesn’t like girls eh.
9. No name – If I were a boy, I’d wear boxers and walk around the streets half-naked. Just because I can.
10. Nancy – If I were a boy, my children will probably be all panganay.
11. Ms.Ellaneous – If I were a boy, I’ll surely donate huge portions of my premium “swimmers” to the Sperm Bank for those women who want to have high quality genes!
12. Amy – If I were a boy, and my boyfriend a girl, I’d play around with other girls, the same way he did with me.
13. Icequeen – If I were a boy, my lesbian girlfriend wouldn’t like me anymore.
14. Siren – If I were a boy, I will no longer hear my parents saying, “eh babae ka kasi eh”, everytime they don’t to allow me to do things.
15. Diyosaiima – If I were a boy, pakakasalan ko si Delle sa kahit anong simbahan. Kaya lang, girl din ako eh.
16. Astroboy – If I were a boy, I’d crossdress so I’d still look like a girl.
17. Harriet – If I were a boy, I’d like to experience a bachelor’s party and see what men do before they get married. (Chico: You wouldn’t want to know…)
18. Purple – If I were a boy, I’d hate myself because men are pigs.
19. Mrs. Timmy Malaya Ang – If I were a boy, I’d grow my armpit hair as long as I can.
20. Geyp – If I were a boy, I’d cheat. Just to see why they derive so much pleasure from it.
21. Dapyang – If I were a boy, I’d scratch my balls in public.
22. Frederique – If I were a boy, my name would probably be Barbie Girl, at may parlor ako for sure!
23. Krispy kreme – If I were a boy, I would make friends with a girl first before courting her, just to be sure, rather than courtng a girl I barely know then drop her like a hot potato when I realize that I don’t like her pala but it’s too late because she’s already in love with me. (Hahaha, BITTER!)
24. Cheyenne: If I were a boy, Wala lang, papatayin ko lang sa inggit yung mga mayayabang na “macho village lesbians” sa amin. Ako boy na, sila mga fake boys pa rin!
25. Xaviera – If I were a boy, I’d get myself a nice ‘german cut’ .
26. Dapyang – If I were a boy, I’d join pataasan at palayuan ng ihi.
27. Jemo – If I were a boy, hahabulin ko ulit yung tatlo kong boylet who turned gay on me.
28. Crazyred – If I were a boy, i’d become a priest, and watch the girls go, “sayang, ang pogi ni Father…”
29. Kirei – If I were a boy, magtatayo ako ng fight club at bubugbugin namin lahat ng guys na manloloko ng girlfriend o wife nila!
30. Ms.Ellaneous – If I were a boy, I”d participate in the annual Oblation Run!
31. Mikimoto – If I were a boy, I‘d pee in every MMDA pink urinal to see if I’d still feel masculine after using a pink urinal.
32. Rogue – If I were a boy, ang haba siguro ng hotdog ko.

Mysterious Eggs, Atbp.

We went to Batangas for a weekend rife with all sorts of experiences, from encounters with the RUDEST people who blared their atonal karaoke singing at full blast at the expense of the other guests in a specifically no-karaoke zone, to the weekend being cut short because of prickly sea urchins resulting in a very swollen toe (not mine) that needed lots of vinegar and piss.  So vulgar warblers and spikey invertebrates aside, it was an interesting weekend (relaxing was NOT the word for it) — I learned to tweet and update FB on my mobile phone, we got to watch an ocean view lightning storm, learned that it’s no good going to the beach up to 3 days after a storm because the shores will be littered with TONS of garbage, and gathered some really quotable quotes:

Quote # 1: (Overheard on the beach) “Ay, kamukha niya yung DJ, si Chico, pero FAT version.”

Quote # 2: (Kids singing while catching dulong with a kulambo) “Ala eh pa pa pa pakerpeys…pa pa pakerpeys…”

Quote # 3: (Older lady to a little boy) “Usher! isuot mo na panty mo!”

Quote # 4: Old man: “Ano nangyari diyan, sea urchin? Wala yan, di ka mamamatay diyan. Ako nga malapit nang mamatay…”

It’s as if we were sucked into a vortex of weirdness, like a surreal “Through The Looking Glass” moment.  I almost half-expected to see the Mad Hatter or The Queen Of Hearts or Tweedledum and Tweedledee popping up from behind the bushes.  And to top the whole weekend off, we saw, amid all the trash, the silt and the other sludgy flotsam, something I’ve never seen before in the decades I’ve been going to the beach.  This slinky-like bunch of egg-looking things, strung together and then wound in a cylindrical manner.  For sure they’re eggs, but of what?  Here’s a picture from above the water:

The whole mass was about 1-2 meters long, and it looks as if someone took a really long string of pink eggs and wound them around a cylinder, then took out the cylinder.  Here’s a view from underwater:

And here’s as close as my camera could focus:

I’m pretty sure they’re just eggs of some fish, but they just look so bizarre and I’ve never seen anything like it before.  So any marine biologists out there? Kindly take me out of my misery and enlighten me with the true identity of these wonderfully odd-looking strings of pink eggs.  I can almost imagine some gay oceanic “hello kitty fish” emerging from those fushia orbs.  I’d love to know what they actually are.

Anyway, I’d like to have a more “normal” weekend getaway again soon, minus the garbage, the karaoke, and the catty comments regarding my weight, thank you.

The Best And The Rest 151

This Top Ten is sooo sashaaaaaaal!

November 7, 2008 → The Top Ten Kolehiyala Quotes

1. Aliceinforks – When my math teacher friend asked her students to copy the seatwork on the board, one of her students said: “What, we have to copy? Miss, you’re so tamad talaga, I swear!”
2. Specialist – “So sarap! Puwede pa-have?”
3. Astroboy – In a palengke: “Magkano na fish? You have sukli for 1k?”
4. Marcus - In college theology class, prof said we were going on an immersion in an urban poor community in QC that weekend. He asked the class what we thought was the most important thing to remember before the trip. Girl immediately barked: “Don’t wear jewelry! Baka ma-snatch!”
5. Astroboy – A kolehiyala to her bf: “What if sa future I become pangit, will you make iwan me na?”
6. No name – Blockmate on a jeep: “Sir, payment!”
7. Ghildon/Maximo/Professionalheckler – When asked to differentiate between a kamote and a dick, a kolehiyala replied, “Eeew! I don’t eat kamote!”
8. Kathy/Ruelski/Kristoff/Marianne – Kolehiyala activists: “Let’s make baka! Don’t be takot!”
9. Glenskie – An orgmate from UP, after taking the MRT for the first time: “My God, grabe the MRT noh! So many Filipinos!”
10. Jose de vengenge - Overheard sa starbux. Girl: “Hey can you make bantay my bag?” Gay: “Can I make dunggol your nguso?”
11. Geyp – Teacher: “If you were to trade places & live the life of the street children, how would you feel? Student: “I’ll be so dungis?”
12. Jun13 – “My eyes are white na kaya kaka-wait for you!”
13. Marcus – An office discussion about the Beijing Olympics. Officemate: “Makaka-host kaya ang Pilipinas ng olympics?” A girl on a nearby desk butted in: “Hellooo? Parking???”
14. Geyp – “My God, sana the pulubi won’t make limos to me!”
15. Sawyer – We had a blockmate that we were calling kolehiyala. She said: “I’m not kaya!”
16. Jorik – A classmate: “You’re so bastos, and super sama!”
17. No name – “How baboy naman the pig!”
18. Jose de vengenge – “KIll the ipis! Pero don’t step on it ha? Kadiri the sound.”
19. Hanazawa Rui – “Honeeeeeey, I don’t have panty naaaah!
20. Carlo of Radio 1 – Somebody really said this: “Guys, you think ba we really make tusok the fishball? That’s not true kayaaaaa! They just love to make us siraaaaa.”

Michael Jackson (1958-2009)

State Of Shock. Like the title of Michael Jackson’s last hit with his brothers, that sums up exactly how the world is dealing with the loss of a cultural force of nature.  As a child of the 80’s, to me he hit the zeitgeist of our generation like a musical tsunami.  I was in my freshman year in high school when Thriller came out.  I knew who he was, but this new Michael was different.  His songs sounded different.  Everyone was abuzz with talk of how good the new album was.  Sad part was, for some reason, CBS didn’t release any records in the Philippines, so the only ones who had it were the kids who bought theirs abroad.  So the biggest record in the whole planet, was unavailable to us Filipinos.  It took a while before the record (we called it LP, or long-playing record) hit our shores, and when it did, we lined up to get our own copy.  At the time, local records sounded a billion times crappier than the foreign ones.  The local records were scratchier and the fidelity was way off.  But it sufficed, better that the wobbly cassette tape.  I’d watch his videos on Video Hit Parade or channel 4’s Rhythm of the City, where I watched my favorite DJ’s like Vince St. Price and Jeremiah Junior  introduce my favorite Michael Jackson videos.  Actually, the first time I ever heard Billie Jean was not from Michael Jackson, but from some amboy boldstar who was singing it on a noontime variety show.  His name was Tom Babauta.  And I thought, “Damn, his song is pretty good!” Until my classmate pointed out that it was the new Michael Jackson hit.  By the time I got addicted to the Billboard Charts via my idol Casey Kasem, Thriller was on its 5th hit, “Human Nature”.  From then on, there was no looking back.  I was hooked on 80’s music and in the forefront was Michael Jackson.

As the years pass, I grew less and less of a fan.  In fact “Bad” was the last Michael Jackson CD I ever bought.  But his greatness was never questioned.  Maybe other artists will surpass his records but no one can ever match the influence that he had on his generation and many after that.  I can’t shake it off, I guess.  When the pop stars of your generation start dying, it reminds you of your own place in the chronology of life.  Let me just share with you lyrics from the title track of the brothers’ final album as the Jackson 5, “Destiny”.  In it Michael sings lyrics that seem to foreshadow the preeminent solo career that lay before him, for after this album he would skyrocket as one of the greatest solo performers of all time.  A transcendent career wrought by a gnawing loneliness and alienation.  As if his greatest achievement was also his most egregious curse.

“In this world there’s much confusion
And I’ve tasted city life and it’s not for me
Now I do dream of distant places
Where, I don’t know now but its destiny

If it’s the rich life I don’t want it
Happiness ain’t always material things

I want Destiny
It’s the place for me
Give me the simple life
I’m getting away from here
Let me be me, come on, let me feel free”

Here’s a video of the song that started it all, the very first hit of the Jackson 5, the song that shot straight to the top of the charts and introduced the optimistic doe-eyed youngster with the colossal voice to an astonished public.  The title of their first single echoes the sentiments of his fans everywhere, now that he’s gone: “I Want You Back”.  You almost pity watching the pulsating life force from this little kid, knowing the troubles that lay in his future.  Michael, to say we’ll sorely miss you, would be like saying you sing well.

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I used to love jokes so much.  Even as a kid, I’d but those cornball jokebooks in National Bookstore just to amp up my arsenal.  Then when I’d get to school or family gatherings, I’d let ‘em rip.  I’d bomb most of the time, but I guess it was rehearsal for what I’d eventually be doing as a career.  So I love joke Top Tens, they bring out the kid in me. Although I highly doubt that most of these are invented.  Anyway, it was just en excuse to have another joke Top Ten. Cornball alert, okay?

November 6, 2009 → The Top Ten Invented Jokes – Jorik

1. Curt Smith – Anong sabi ng laway sa spe*m? “Anong ginagawa mo dito?”
2. Rovivrus Nobag – Kung ang tagalog ng HOUSE ay BAHAY, ang tagalog ng HOME ay TAHANAN, ano sa tagalog ang MOTEL? Sagot: TIRAHAN!
3. Ella Joy – Paano tumawa si Dracula kung naging kapampangan siya? “A! A! A! A! A!”
4. Rovivrus Nobag – Kapag di tumalab ang KISSpirin at YAKAPsule sa LOVEnat, ano na dapat ang gamitin? BiogeSEX.
5. Hookworm – Paano gumawa ng itlog na maalat? Eh di mag-jogging ka!
6. Dodge – Bakit hinimatay si daddy centipede? Nagpabili si junior ng Havaianas.
7. Lanz – What is, “if are”? Gamot sa masaket na masil na nagkapilipilipilipit.
8. Jules – Ano ang apelyido ni Punisher? Ranno.
9. No name – Bakit ginawa ang eroplano? Kasi sira.
10. Pompom – Ano ang sabi ng kilay dun sa isang kilay? “Hi brow!”
11. No name – Ano apelyido ni Yoda? Lehihoo.
12. Jinggay – Anong puno ang laging okay lang? Eh di “fine tree”!
13. No name – Ano ang ultimate dream ng panda? Magkaroon ng colored picture.
14. Charlize Turon – Sino ang favorite wrestler ng mga baboy? eh di The Rock!
15. Etieng – Ano sabi nung poopoo sa kapwa poopoo? “Pare, walang tulakan!”
16. Adonis – Anong hayop ang sinisigaw ng mga bisaya sa concert? Raccoon!
17. Mrs. Cullen/Wendy/Mikoy – Ano ang ayaw ilagay ni Goldilocks sa buhok niya? Red Ribbon.
18. Tomadora – Bakit mahirap magmahal ng anaesthesiologist? Kasi manhid.
19. Joperman05 – Ano ang sabi ng utot sa sanitary napkin? “I am the wind beneath your wings.”
20. Inah – Teacher: “Ano ang similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio at Ninoy Aquino?” Student: “Lahat sila, namatay ng holiday!”
21. SC – Ano ang favorite na laruan ni Garfield nung bata pa siya? Eh di pussycat dolls!
22. Ellen – May batang nahulog sa septic tank. BOY: “Sunog! Sunog!” Dumating ang bumbero, niligtas siya. BUMBERO: “Bakit sunog ang sinigaw mo?” BOY: “Bakit, kung sumigaw ba ako ng ‘Tae! Tae!’ pupuntahan niyo ko?”
23. Sushi – Bakit kapag bilugan ang mukha mo, hindi ka dapat masyado ngumiti? Kasi baka mapagkamalan kang YAHOO MESSENGER!
24. Juls – Paano ka dapat uutang kay Dracula? “Meron ka bampira?”
25. Macc – Bakit ang kalbo di dapat magsuot ng turtleneck? Kasi baka magmukha siyang roll-on.
26. Johnnyman – Ano sa english ang singsing at tatlong hari? Aringkingkingking.
27. Shivaspikikay – Ano ang sabi ng utot sa tae? “Pare, mauna na ko sa yo ha?”
28. Sheryll – Ano ang apelyido ni Sadako? Paroon.
29. Mojari – Bakit ang brief may bulsa? Lalagyan ng asin para sa itlog.
30. No name – Bakit ang maitim di dapat nagpu-pulbos? Kasi magmumukha silang crinkles.
31. Pancakes – Ano ang first name ni Herman? Soup.
32. Babyjen – Headline w/ a picture of a cow: “BAKA – hindi sigurado.”
33. Astroboy – Q: How can you win the heart of a nurse? A: First, you have to be PATIENT.
34. Psalm 23 – Ano ang sabi ng medyas sa sapatos pagkatapos silang hubarin? “Haaay…life socks!”
35. Night Tripper – Ano ang sabi ng poopoo sa utot? “Pare, sabay na ko sa yo!”
36. C. Vanilla Ben – Ano ang tunog ng high heels ng babaeng makapal ang makeup at naka micro mini, habang naglalakad ng gabi? “Pok, pok, pok, pok…”
37. Chiloz – Anong bansa ang pinanggagalingan ng pinakamaraming gatas? Eh di Nepal.
38. Curt Smith – Ano ang sabi ni Bugs Bunny kay Daffy Duck? “What’s up, duck?”
39. Boknoi – Ano ang tawag sa head editor ng isang major chinese broadsheet? Eh di EDITOR-INTSIK!
40. Wendy – Ano ang apelyido ni Josie? Frotgam.
41. Geyp – Ano sa Tagalog ang “lap”? Eh di tawa! Mwahahahaha!