No, you perverts, I don’t mean as a mouthwash in a hit-2-birds-with-one-gargle kind of way. And no, not to wash your Roborat and Beth Loggins with either, because we now have a masculine wash for that. I’m talking about ANOTHER way feminine wash can be of use to us males, the gender with no vajayjay.
Okay, how did I get here? Let’s start from the very beginning. I remember a foreigner friend of ours, once told us that they don’t wash after they poop, they just wipe. For us Pinoys, that’s an affront to our prissy sense of hygiene. Personally, the idea of just wiping, and not washing with soap and water, is unthinkable; I might as well walk around with a necklace made of poop. So apparently, many other people around the globe don’t really wash their chocolate starfishes like we do. That preamble out of the way, a friend recently told me, that a doctor told him that washing our poop chutes with soap isn’t really very healthy, because the inside part is already very sensitive, unlike the outer part of our “brown gates” which can be safely washed with soap. You have all that PH balance to contend with. Of course, hypochondriac that I am, I get very paranoid about stuff that “aren’t healthy”.
So I suddenly remember a conversation Delle and I had a couple of years back. I don’t remember exactly how we got to the topic, but she did tell me that I should use feminine wash instead of soap to wash myself with after doing #2. It was basically the same argument, that the bumhole is actually a very sensitive part of the body that deserves a little more gentleness when it comes to choosing cleaning materials for it. I never really paid much attention to the idea, since soap worked well with me, thank you very much. But this idea coming up again after all these years got me thinking. Maybe I should look into this.
So I was thinking, should I? Next time I go to the grocery, do I stealthily stop at the feminine wash aisle, wait until there are no people looking, then quickly grab one and roll my shopping cart as far away from that area and go somewhere manly like maybe the tools area? But then how do I pay for it at the cash register? Do I fake my way out of an embarrassing situation and blurt out something like: “Ahoy there, matey! Gotta get this for the missus! You know, she gotta wash after we bump furries!” Good grief. Is it worth all the trouble?
I don’t even remember the brand Delle suggested I buy. It’s the less obvious names I was going for. No giveaway brand names like: “Washorbajeyjey” or “Ang Fake-Fake Mo”. It was the more subtle brands that could pass off as shampoo or hand wash.
So is it true? Should we use something gentler to wash our little brown jewels? If it were really that urgent, shouldn’t there be products specifically for washing our butts? Do I start buying generic dispensers that I could put the feminine wash in to avoid explaining to guests why I have feminine wash in my toilet? Ayayay, sis bumbay.