The Filipino Ejaculator

A Pinoy has been dubbed the “Filipino Ejaculator” after he has been accused by a female co-worker of ejaculating into her water bottle.  She felt sick after drinking into her water bottle, so she got suspicious and had the water tested at a lab which yielded the result that the water has been laced with human semen.  The alleged “depositor” was eventually fired from their office and is now facing six misdemeanor charges which include depositing offensive substances and assault.  He has denied all accusations.  Read the full article courtesy of http://www.balitangamerica.tv HERE.

Of course the key word here is, and no it’s not “ejaculator”, it’s “alleged”.  We don’t know the whole story.  The guy in question, Michael Kevin Lallana, is a married man, and we can only speculate why, if proven guilty, he would do such a dastardly act.  Some say it’s just a simple case of the usual dipping the toothbrush in the toilet or pissing in the coffee dispenser (not that these are any better or more hygienic), but this could have dire consequences.  Many sexually transmitted diseases, many of which are incurable, and a handful fatal, are passed on through exchanges of bodily fluids.  Even if he’s perfectly healthy, it’s already gross, but imagine if he had any infection of any sort.  I don’t even want to think about it.  But of course, we go back to waiting until he guy is proven guilty beyond reasonable doubt.  Proving that there is sperm in the water bottle is one thing, but proving that the sperm is Lallana’s is another.  I don’t know if there is a way of matching the sperm found in the water with fresh samples from Lallana, because that’s the only way I can think of proving it with finality.  Does sperm even survive in water?

Many Filipinos were commenting on how unfair it was to call Lallana “Filipino” when he is an American citizen.  Some claim he should have been more accurately identified as “Filipino-American”, as if to halve the blame with his adopted nation.  But others point out that we are quick to claim celebs like Nicole Scherzinger and Enrique Iglesias as “Half-Filipino”, yet refer to notorious Pinoys as “Half-American”.  They claim we should take the bad as graciously as the good.

Was he a spurned sperm donor?  Were they having an illicit affair?  How did he do his dastardly deed?  Was he really the jerk who jerked off in her water bottle?  Was the banker the wanker?  Many questions have been left unanswered.  It’s a mortifying crime to be accused of.  If he’s guilty, then he should own the ignominy that from hereon shall hound his character.  But if he’s innocent, then I pray he’s cleared soon because this type of accusation smears not only his name, but his family’s as well.

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