Hell means many things to many people. The idea that hell is not one specific thing that appears the same to everyone, but instead tailor-fit to the individual crimes, is frighteningly sweet. Sweet because your enemies will be punished according to their transgressions, frightening because so will you.
August 25, 2008 → The Top Ten Signs That You’re In Hell – Astroboy
- Dru – People do a double take when they see your 36-C boobies…but you’re a man.
- Your Highness – My friend, who met a vehicular accident while under heavy liquor intoxication, went through hell when he was operated on w/o anesthesia!
- SC – During st0rmy days, having to go through floods, smelling of the w0nderful mix 0f garbage & rat pee.
- Michael – Falling in love with a hopeless cheater.
- Raymond – Giving office tours to several batches of school groups who aren’t interested in listening.
- Richie Rich – When your husband falsely accused you of cheating and he intentionally emailed your naked photos to all your guy friends just to hurt you back.
- Kresha – My cousin was in hell when her husband came home on payday and told her that he lost all his earnings in a cockfight instead of buying milk for the baby.
- Dru – If you’re alone in your room, feeling very frisky, and the only magazine you have is Piggery Today.
- Casbah – Quitting your job 3 days before your lifelong childhood crush joins your company, specifically the department you were heading.
- Endemon – Having to go through 3 separations. My mom split up with my dad when I was in grade school, she split up with my stepdad, the man she left my father for, and recently she split up with her 3rd “husband”. Bad thing is, I actually loved all 3 “dads”. And now I lost all of them.
- Charles – Getting eczema on my “thing”. Imagine the shame of having the doctors tell you, “You should wash this more often…”
- Geneva – Having my dentures fall out during the high note in “How Do I Live”, as I performed in front of the entire university. Imagine them falling at the part, “How do I ever, ever surviii…”
- Egbert – Discovering after marriage that the woman you married is a major queefer.
- Jarvis – 6 months ago, as I rushed inside my car because I was late for an impotant meeting, I ran over my beloved dog, killing her instantly, the very dog who’s been my closest companion for 12 tears now.
- Lizbeth – My mom telling my crush that she works double time scrubbing my body odor from my shirts’ armpit areas.