Sometimes, you go and watch a movie, complete with popcorn and drinks, and the moment the lights go out, the movie starts and then you see something that makes you go: “Sh*t, this is going to be a bumpy ride.” Then you just hope that the movie is so bad that it’s good…like “Glitter”.
October 27, 2009 → The Top Ten Signs That A Movie Will Be A Flop – Sent in by: Asnallar
- DJ Gambit, Chefchefan, Rax, Mr. Perk and 2net – Kung ang bida, anak ng incumbent Philippine president at the time.
- Brownman – Any post-election win movie by an actor-turned-politician, especially if half the cast and crew are relatives of his.
- Loi Pogi and Racquel – If it’s a new remake of an old 70′s bold movie, kaya lang yun original cast pa rin ang gaganap.
- Berg – If after the premiere, hindi na pinalabas yung movie.
- DJ Gambit – If the stars rely on the classic argument: “Suportahan po natin ang pelikulang Pilipino.”
- Loi Pogi – If the title is so long that it gives away the plot: “Ang Pelikulang Magpapaluha At Aantig Sa Iny0ng Mga Damdamin Dahil Mamamatay Ang Dalawang Bida!”
- Blitzkrieg – If the best reason the stars can give to watch their movie is this: “Pinaghirapan po namin itong pelikulang ito!”
- Chefchefan – Kapag bitin ang ending pero wala nang sequel na sumunod.
- Homer Singson – Kapag ang title ng slasher/massacre movie mo ay may religious undertones. Example: “Baranggay Biglang-Tuwad Massacre: Lord, Have Mercy!”
- Twit Niblets – Kapag ang bida ay siya ring writer, director, editor at cinematographer, at ang istorya may kakambal siyang kontrabida, na siya rin ang gaganap.
- RC and Cess – A Spiderman remake, sponsored by Baygon.
- Mr. Perk – Any movie based on the life story of a politician currently in position, or at least planning to run soon.
- RC and Cess – Kapag winter yung scene, pero may mga extra na nagpa-paypay sa background.
- Chorizo Solomon – If Aling Dionysia Pacquiao does a remake of “Katorse” with the title: “Katursi: Me Magnolia Melk Pa Sa Labe”.
- Gotgot – If the stars promoting the movie says” “Maganda ‘tong movie namin, may action, comedy, drama, horror, suspense at marami kayong matutunang aral!”
- Pineapple Bird – If it’s a local version of Twilight, but it stars Eddie Gil and Madame Auring.
- JB – Kapag yung pari sa kasal, siya din yung tricycle driver sa chase scene, at siya rin yung barangay tanod sa ending.
- Seth Blue – If while promoting the movie, the actor refers to himself in the 3rd person. Example: “Ibang Ronald Reyes po ang mapapanood niyo sa pelikulang ito!”
- John – If it’s a low budget action film with a cast of unknowns lead by Tom Cruz and Bruce Willie.
- Teaty – If the leading man is wearing more make-up than the leading lady.
- Mumra D Ever Living – If the sequel number reaches double digits: Rocky 12, Rambo 22, Shrek 18, Police Academy 35, etc.
- Young Indy – If it stars Kuya Germs as a sad clown.
- Berg – Kapag nahihiya ka sa sarili mo after you watched the movie.
- Twisted Saint – A movie where the lead actor plays a babaero, when everyone knows he’s a closet queen in real life.
- Betsy – (true story) When the actress was promoting her movie, she said: “Panoorin niyo po, punong-puno po ang mga sinehan, walang maupuan, lahat standing ovation!”
