The day I start spouting off the standard old quotes, is the day I’ll resign to the fact that I have officially joined their ranks. Maybe I already am, but I’d like to think I’m still in the middle-aged range, fighting tooth and nail everyday to age gracefully, but hopefully, slower than usual.
June 18, 2009 → The Top Ten Old People Quotes
- Isenhart – An old guy was supposed to submit samples for his sperm count but returned the jar empty. When asked why, he said: “I tried one hand, then two, then I asked my maid to help. She used her hands, her mouth, even her thighs, but nothing! I even asked the driver. Even the nighbor’s driver! But no one can open the damn jar.”
- Suplada MD – Lolo: “Ang init!” Lola: “Masanay ka na, mas mainit sa pupuntahan mo!”
- Mars – Me: “Lolo, ang sweet niyo naman, ‘honey’ pa rin ang tawag niyo kay lola!” Lolo: “Shhh…wag kang maingay! Di ko na kasi maalala pangalan niya eh…”
- No name – My lola to her sister: “Kuwanin mo yung kuwan sa ano, tapos kuwanin mo yung kuwan, tapos yung ano, kuwanin mo.”
- Zeni Grand – When we said sorry for a mistake, our lola told us: “Ang kasalanan patawarin, ang parusa tuloy pa rin.”
- MG – Me: “Puwede po ako mag-overnight sa kaibigan ko?” Lola: “Kailangan ba sa gabi?”
- No name – Lola at Jollibee: “Yung kape ko lagyan mo ng pulot.” Crew: “Ma’am wala po kaming pulot.” Lola: “Ang laki-laki ng bubuyog niyo wala kayong pulot?”
- RVincent – First time our lola rode on an elevator, she asked before riding: “Magkano?”
- Astroboy – Lolo 1: “May kinainan kami na masarap na restawran.” Lolo 2: “Anong pangalan?” Lolo 1: “Teka, ano yung bulaklak na pula at may tinik?” Lolo 2: “Rose!” Lolo 1: “Ayun! Rose, anong pangalan nung kinainan nating restawran?”
- Tukneneng – Before I went out on a date, my lola told me: “Ibigay mo na yung itaas, wag lang yung ibaba…”
- Smiles-a-lot – From a senior friend: “Mejor solo que mal accompanado.” In english: “Better alone than in bad company.”
- Blitzkrieg – I was feeding my lolo with lugaw but he was uncooperative. Me: “Sige na lolo, kumain na kayo, kahit dalawang kutsara lang!” Lolo: “Damuho ka, lugaw nga hindi ko malunok, kutsara pa!”
- Tomba – My old tito once said: “Ang pagpapakasal ay parang kamatayan, bigla-bigla nalang dumarating.”
- Astroboy – Apo: “Lola, ingat po kayo sa aso, nangangagat yan!” Lola: “Siyempre, alangan namang manuntok?”
- Oscar Dela Hopia – Apo: “Lolo, gaano kadalas pa kayo mag-sex ni lola?” Lolo: “Almost everyday!” Apo: “Wow, talaga po?” Lolo: “Oo naman! Kanina nga, almost nanaman!”
- Jorik – Lola to granddaughter who was with a suitor: “Sino yan, yung bobo o yung bad breath?”
- Mr. Perk – My vain old tita used to say: “Guluhin mo na buhay ko, wag lang ang buhok ko!”
- Ang Manunusok – Priest: “Sino dito ang walang kagalit?” (Lola raises her hand) Priest: “Ayan, tularan natin si lola! Lola, ano ang dahilan at wala kayong kaaway?” Lola: “Kasi patay na ang mga pakshet!”
- Oscar Dela Hopia – Apo: “Lola, totoo bang true love never dies?” Lola: “Oo naman, tignan mo lolo mo, ayaw mamatay-matay!”
- Jorik – Our old teacher told the class: “Boys, buksan ang mga zipper at ilabas ang Ibong Adarna.”
- Eien17 – Lola: “Pag ikaw nabulag, makikita mo!”
- Jadomingo – A girl wearing a nursing uniform was picking her nose inside a jeep. Lola: “Iha, anong kinukuha mo?” Girl: “Nursing po.” Lola: “Ah…akala ko kulangot.”
- SC – Daughter: “Ma, hindi naniniwala boyfriend ko sa langit at impiyerno.” Mom: “Eh di pakasalan mo! Ipatikim mo sa kanya ang langit, ako ang bahala sa impiyerno!”
- No name – My lola once said: “Ang babaeng mabango mag-gisa, lapitin ng boys.”
- Febkinse – Doctor: “I’ll need samples of your stool, urine and sperm.” Lolo: “Ano daw?” Lola: “Basta, ibigay mo nalang yung brip mo, nandyan na lahat!”
