The Top Ten Things Parents Say To Make Their Kids Feel Guilty

This is very close to my heart because my own mother is a MASTER at the guilt trip.  All parents have this, but my mom is unparalleled.  How many times have I heard statements like: “Paminsan-minsan silipin niyo lang ako sa kuwarto baka di niyo man lang mapansin na matagal na kong patay…”  Anyone with parents like my mom would surely be nodding their heads in agreement.

July 2, 2009 → The Top Ten Things Parents Say To Make Their Kids Feel Guilty – Sent in by: Wolfhound

1. Pixie Dust – “Pag ako baldado na, wag niyo na kong alagaan…gagapang nalang ako sa hukay…”
2. Coachdanny  – When my mom owes me money and I ask her to pay up, she goes: “Sige, bilangin din natin ang lahat ng ginastos ko sa iyo mula nung ipinanganak ka!”
3. Mnemonic/Cheyenne/Slider14/Lui – “Pag namatay ako, ibalot niyo nalang ako sa banig at itapon sa ilog.”
4. Urduja – “Pag nangingisay na ko sa sobrang pagod, isakay niyo nalang ako sa jeep at ipadala sa mumurahing ospital!”
5. Boknoi – Mom: “Uy, birthday ko pala next week! Kahit wag niya na kong bigyan ng regalo, wag niyo na lang akong bigyan ng kunsumisyon.”
6. Mr. Miser – On my mom’s birthday, I asked her what she wanted. She answered: “Initin niyo nalang yung lugaw na mas malamig pa sa ilong ng pusa…”
7. Secret Whore – My mom would always tell us: “Nakadiri ang mga kabataan ngayon, ang lalandi! Buti pa ang mga anak ko, puro mga VIRGIN pa! Diba mga anak?”
8. Jigen – I’m just an average student. When my cousin won a lot of medals, my mom said: “Haaay…ang sarap siguro magka-anak na tulad niya…”
9. Dru – “Pa-Starbucks-Starbucks pa kayo! Ako nga, puro butas-butas na mga panty koh!!!”
10. Chokneth – “Hayaan niyo, pag namatay na ko, wala nang maingay na magse-sermon sa inyo!”
11. Doxie – Everytime we go to wakes or funerals, my mom would go: “Sana ako mabigyan ng bulaklak habang buhay pa, hindi yung kung kelan patay na.”
12. Photnog – I was using the internet while my mother was doing all the chores. Out of nowhere, she told me: “Anak, pa-type naman diyan yung website na ‘www.buhaypakayasinanay.com’.”
13. Jean – Whenever we scold our dad for eating unhealthy food, he goes: “Hayaan niyo, maghahanap nalang ako ng nitsong walang laman at doon ako hihiga para di niyo problemahin ang ipanglilibing sa akin!”
14. No name – Everytime we don’t do my mom’s utos at once, she says: “Kung gamot sa namamatay ang iniutos ko sa inyo, patay na yung tao bago pa kayo makabalik!”
15. Tabukeno – When my dad and I were arguing and voices were being raised, he said: “Wag mo kong tataasan ng boses hangga’t di mo naibigigay sa anak mo ang kahit na kalahati ng naibigay ko na sa iyo!”
16. Jinggerzu – When I told my mom not to bang the receiver whenever she puts down the telephone because it’s “masakit sa tenga”, she said: “Mas masakit pa sa caesarian section nung ipinanganak kita?”
17. Jinggerzu – “May anak ka ngang summa cum laude, kung tapak-tapakan ka naman, para kang tae!”
18. KiD BuKid – My dad’s line: “Huwag na kayong bumisita dito tuwing Pasko, Bagong Taon o Birthday namin ng Nanay niyo…sa burol na lang namin.”
19. Jill – “Pag ikaw na ang kumikita ng pera, kunin mo nalang akong katulong sa bahay mo.”
20. YñaKì – “Ang swerte-swerte talaga ng yaya ng kapitbahay natin…may DAY OFF!”
21. Melai – Everytime we ask our dad to eat dinner already, he would say: “Bakit may natira ba? Kakain lang ako pag may natira kayo…”
22. No name – one time, my friend showed me a text his mom sent him: “Anak, FYI, buhay pa ko…”
23. Coolvee – “Pag patay na ko, hukayin mo nalang ang bangkay ko para maipagtimpla pa rin kita ng kape.”
24. DL Daughter – When I asked for the money my mom owed me, she said: “Babayaran kita sa utang ko, pero bayaran mo din lahat ng pinang-tuition ko sa yo!”
25. Chabain – When no one had time to buy a birthday for my mom, she said: “Bigyan niyo nalang ako ng pera, ako nalang ang bibili ng sarili kong cake!”
26. Rogelio – “Sige anak, susubukan kong tumae ng pera, mabili lang ang mga luho mo.”
27. Blitzkrieg – “Wag kang magugulat kung minsan pag bisita mo dito, di ka na namin kilala.”
28. Mamski – Whenever I ask my mom: “Kumusta na kayo?” She would answer: “Why, does it matter to anyone?”
29. KiD BuKid – After my mom washed and ironed my clothes and cooked breakfast: “May iuutos pa po ba kayo, SENORITO?”
30. Baby Princess – My mom: “Bakit pa ko magti-tweet, eh di mo naman ako fina-follow sa Twitter?”

Lingam Massage

(information on the lingam massage issue were taken from news articles published in globalnation.inquirer.net, sunstar.com and cdn.ph)

Our little discussion earlier on lingam massage got a lot of reactions from people so I decided to post about it.  Before yesterday, I didn’t even have any idea what the hell a lingam massage was.  I knew about “happy endings” (or so I’ve been told), but I’ve never heard of an almost spiritual approach to massaging the “love hammer”.  But I get ahead of myself.  Yesterday on Twitter, Carlos Celdran posted a picture of a sign in Cebu advertising lingam massage. He too was asking what the heck it was.  A lot of people posted comments on the lingam brouhaha in Cebu.  Apparently, many people protested the proliferation of lingam massages in many spas and massage parlors, so much in fact, that some Japanese, Korean and Chinese tour operators allegedly started to include lingam massages as part of their tour packages in the Philippines.  A women’s group and the spa organization of Cebu got into the matter at once and started closing spas offering this service due to lack of sanitary permits and health cards.  Many legit spa owners fear that people might perceive spas as fronts for prostitution.

But some owners of spas offering lingam massage defended their practice by saying that it is an accepted form of massage in places like Egypt, Thailand, New York, California, London, and even strict countries like Singapore and Malaysia.  They stressed that authentic lingam massage is not about sex, but about healing and therapy.  And unlike some less reputable massage establishments, real lingam therapists do not allow themselves to be touched back by their clients.  They reiterate that in many countries, lingam massage is accepted, legal, and not considered an illicit act of sex.

So what’s the big deal?  Well, the fuss is basically about the part of the body that’s being massaged.  Lingam is a sanskrit word meaning: “wand of light”, which refers to the male dinglehopper.  The goal is to massage the lingam (or the birdy-bird), the testes (yagbadoodles), the perineum (the pateros, “kasi bagsakan ng itlog”), and the Sacred Spot or the prostate (massaged from the outside, not via the poop chute).  The goal is not to “reach the peak”, but it is an acceptable side effect if needed.

So you see, it’s all very subjective.  If you’re into Tantra or Sacred Sexuality, then it’s a blissful therapeutic experience.  If you’re a regular guy who’s not into the esoteric arts, it sounds awfully like a handjob.  Plus, I think it will really depend on the client.  Even if say, the therapist is serious about her craft, and really studied and mastered the craft of lingam massage, if the client is some douchebag who’s just out for  a cheap thrill, then it doesn’t really matter what the intentions of the therapist may be, the only thing he cares about is to get his release.  So it’s a case of pearls before swine.  Practitioners can’t tell for sure which of their guests are authentic clients curious about the practice, and which are just DOM’s who want a “legitimate” way to get their rocks off.

So the debate rages on.  It may be legal and accepted in other countries, but the Philippines is still on the fence.  There are those who deplore it, and those who defend it.  Only the public can dictate which way popular opinion will swing.  It might take a lot more time for people to accept this practice, especially in a country that still attaches a lot of stigma to massage parlors due to the proliferation of “extra services” and “happy endings” in sleazier versions of spas.

I was wondering if YouTube has a video on lingam massage, knowing that they’re so strict on sex and nudity, but I found one!  It found a funny way to make it safe for public consumption.  It’s turned out unintentionally hilarious:

The Top Ten Toughest Lessons On Love

I guess the toughest lesson on love for me is the reality that love is fought for in the everyday grind.  It’s never in the big battles, standing behind your loved one, it’s the day after uneventful day, that you prove your love – days that turn into weeks, that turn into months, that turn into years, that eventually, hopefully, turns into a lifetime together.  The vows are exchanged during the wedding, but the proof is in the daily pudding. I must say, in terms of the quality of the entries sent, one of our best Top Ten ever. So many quotables!

July 1, 2009 → The Top Ten Toughest Lessons On Love

1. Sasha Purse – “I’m sorry” is NOT synonymous to “I’ll never do it again”.
2. Awi – The moment you love someone is the moment you give them power to hurt you.
3. Sylar – That alcohol makes a lousy therapist.
4. Joey – A thin line separates love from habit.
5. Smiles-a-lot – If you’re not ready for pain, you’re not ready for love.
6. Smiles-a-lot – When there is abuse, you are equally accountable for it. Abusers are empowered by those who allow the abuse to continue.
7. Farmer’s angel – After your loved one cheats on you, you can bring back the love, but never the trust.
8. Gooey Kablooey/Mu_langot – Love is never truly equal. One loves the other more than the other way around.
9. Opium Senke – Love cannot be found where it doesn’t exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.
10. Astroboy – Love is like beer, if you have too much, you start acting stupid.
11. Stardust – The only thing better than “I love you” is “I love you too”.
12. No name – In love, the one you want most, is the one you cannot have.
13. Yen – That not everything that makes me happy is right.
14. Uglykidjoey – The best cure for a broken heart is CLOSURE.
15. LilRedShiningNips – Never ignore the “small things”.
16. Wee-Tikoy – Don’t ask the questions if you’re not ready for the answers.
17. Geoff09 – To know when to expect and to know when to merely accept.
18. Zeus – Love isn’t always give and take. Sometimes, you give and give with no hope of anything in return.
19. Blair – Hindi porke nasa iyo, ibig sabihin para sa iyo.
20. Miss Halfway – With men, assume he’s lying, until proven honest.
21. Infrared – That your wife will eventually look like your mother-in-law.
22. Tricia – Nemo quod dat non habet – You cannot give what you do not have.
23. Vanilla – Never miss anyone from your past. There’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.
24. Yandzy – Mas madaling mahuli ang manok na nakatali.
25. No name – Cheating, as revenge for cheating, is not all that it’s cracked up to be.
26. RVincent – The leading cause of divorce, is marriage.
27. Big Poppa – Happy Marriage = Lowered Expectations.
28. No name – You don’t have to marry the one you love, but you have to love the one you married.
29. Cigno – Don’t put a comma where you should be putting a period.
30. Bigyot – It’s better to lose an argument than to lose a loved one.
31. Lockon Stratos – Sometimes saying goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.
32. Mrs. Piggy – Sometimes, the best of fathers make the lousiest of husbands.
33. Akilena – Just because one is right, doesn’t mean the other is wrong.
34. Awi – That when people I love hurt me, it doesn’t necessarily mean they love me any less.
35. Merski – If you’re shopping for a happy ending but couldn’t find one, get a new beginning instead.

Homemade Deodorant

Okay, before you freak out, yes there is such a thing.  I discovered this recipe in a blog (passionatehomemaking.com) that has natural homemade stuff for cleaning the house and some stuff that you can use on your body.  She has recipes for homemade toothpaste, shampoo, etc., but the ingredients were a little intimidating (where the hell can I get Dr. Bronners castile liquid soap here in Manila?), so I decided to give the simplest recipe a try: Homemade Natural Deodorant.  It only has 3 ingredients: 1/4 cup baking soda, 1/4 cup arrowroot powder or corn starch, and 5-6 tbsp of organic cold-pressed virgin coconut oil.  I went to a drugstore and looked at all the VCO brands out there, and I only found one that actually says “cold-pressed”, so I went for that even if I’m sure the others were cold-pressed too (whatever that means).  I just wanted to be sure.  I’m supposed to mix the 2 powders, then ease in the VCO until I get a solid mass, similar to the consistency of a deodorant stick.  Then, I’m supposed to coat my armpits with that concoction and the blogger swears by it!

Of course, I always flunked work ed back in grade school.  Anything that remotely resembles work education, arts and crafts, home economics, practical arts, I suck at major.  I sucked at macrame, basket-weaving, necklace-making, candle-making, sculpture, painting, and the list goes on.  So what makes me think I can actually make this hipster organic stuff and not make an absolute fool of myself?  What’s the worse that could happen?  Worst case scenario is that my pits will smell like macaroons the whole day.  Or at the end of the day I’ll have a crusty coconut-flavored muffin under each pit.  If it doesn’t work then I’ll try to look for that castile soap and try to make homemade shampoo next.

One simple experiment is plain VCO.  The blogger said it’s good to use as moisturizer as is.  It’s supposed to be absorbed quickly by the skin, so you don’t feel too greasy.  It can also be used as conditioner.  Put a pea-sized amount on wet hair, she says better too little than too much, and if you put just the right amount, your hair will look great without being too greasy.  So if you see me and you get a whiff of a coconut-y aroma, then you know the experiment is afoot.  Forgive me in advance if I reek of niyog.  And imagine if I use VCO to moisturize my loin area, it’s a deadly combination: niyog + itlog na maalat = bibingka!

Seriously, I promise to post an update on this blog.  I’ll try to take a photo of the final product, but don’t expect any armpit shots (I’ll leave that to Delle).  And I promise to give you an honest evaluation of whether the recipe works or not.  Wish me luck!

The Top Ten Ways To Say I Love You Without Saying “I Love You”

Sometimes we get so choked up trying to say I love you, that we end up never saying it.  Sometimes it’s because it’s hard to profess our love out of fear of rejection, but sometimes it’s because we never got around to stating the obvious, for instance saying I love you to your family members. We should get over this and say I love you as much as we need to.  It’ll be an infinitely better world if we did.

June 30, 2009 → The Top Ten Ways To Say I Love You Without Saying “I Love You”

1. No name – “I woke up one morning and realized I’m yours.
2. Astroboy – “You’re not my whole life…you’re just my favorite part.”
3. Benski – When my girl asked: “Galit ka sa akin?” I said: “Ako pa, magagalit sa yo?”
4. Jigen – Q: Spell “EMPTY”? A: “W-I-T-H-O-U-T-Y-O-U”.
5. Jhack – “You’re my very first thought in the morning, and my very last at night.”
6. AkosiKei – “You’re worth all the tears.”
7. Jowieboi – “I give the same guarantee as the baby shampoo: ‘no more tears’.”
8. Jowieboi – “There are moments in life that I will always remember. Not because they were important, but because you were there.”
9. Jigen – “You’re a welcome complication.”
10. Febkinse – “When I see you, I feel like a puppy who was left alone by his master all day.”
11. Sydney Bristow – We came up with “138″, which stands for 1 sentence, 3 words, 8 letters. A variation on 143, which everyone recognizes.
12. Guardian Beside You – “I’d like to spend the rest of my life getting to you better.”
13. Hunter – “Hindi mo pa ko binabato, tinamaan na ko!”
14. Wafuako – “Ako na bahala sa tuition mo, basta pag-aralan mo lang na mahalin ako.”
15. KeyArena/Benjai Bonita – “Olive Juice.” (When you mouth these two words, it looks like you’re saying “I love you”. It looks it even from across a room)
16. KBelle – “You had me at, ‘Stop following me!’”
17. Wentworth – “Maging cactus ka man, handa akong masaktan, mayakap ka lang!”
18. TReiz - “Even though we’ve said goodbye, I can’t bring myself to put the phone down.”
19. TReiz - “You’re the person I can spend hours quietly sitting with and feel like I’ve had the best conversation.”
20. TReiz – “You’re someone I’d want to have in the trenches beside me.”
21. No name – “I don’t hate you.”
22. Bashingshing – “Mas nasasaktan ako pag nasasaktan ka.”
23. KiD BuKid – “Bend over, I’ll drive.”
24. Joey – “O, may load ka pa ba?”
25. Ginny – “She broke your heart? Want mine?”
26. L & L – “You’re my nebulizer. Without you, I can’t breathe.”
27. Mars – “Hindi ko naman gustong maging akin ka. Ang gusto ko sana, maging sa ‘yo ako.”
28. Jabberwocky – Parang asong walang amo, adik na walang damo, dinuguan na walang puto, ulo na walang kuto. Parang tinolang walang sabaw, babaeng walang dalaw, magsasakang walang kalabaw, at ako…pag walang ikaw.

Inception

Okay, this is technically NOT a review.  But it definitely has tons of spoilers.  It’s not so much a judgment of the merits of the film, but more of a discussion on what’s out there…and boy, are there tons of stuff to sift through!  The theories abounding is about as convoluted as the plot of the movie itself.  True, the basic premise is simple enough to be “gotten” by most, but it’s the tons of details that people are quibbling about.  There is so much out there, that I don’t know where to start.

So I decided to share with you the path that I took.  It all started when I read the review of Entertainment Weekly’s Owen Glieberman, where he felt like either he’s the only one who did NOT get the film, or everyone’s just pretending to get it, but deep inside actually doesn’t.  He didn’t say it directly, but many assumed he was arrogantly implying that if he didn’t get it, then everyone else is lying so as not to appear stupid in the face of global acclaim for the movie.  Personally I don’t think he meant it that way, but I think he struck a chord in the heart of the phenomenon.  There truly are 3 types of people who watched Inception: the ones who didn’t get it, the ones pretending they got it but actually didn’t, and the people who “got” it.  I put air quotes because ask the hundreds of your friends who are RAVING about how great the movie is, and trust me, you’ll get a hundred versions of what they “got”.  It’s funny, there are those who loved it, those who hate it because everyone else loves it, and the backlash to the backlash saying they loved it because there are people who hate it just because everyone else loves it.  Get it?

Read the full review HERE.

Anyway, back to “getting” the movie, someone actually made a chart explaining all those dream levels and who was dreaming what:

If you want the full-sized version click HERE.

Of course many found flaws to this chart.  Level 5 is not limbo, it’s the scene where Cobb talks to Mal in their dining room.  Limbo is Level 6, where Cobb meets the old Saito.  So there are 6 levels, not 5.  And why is Saito much older?  Because he died earlier than Cobb, and since time moves faster the deeper the level, a few minutes in a higher level could translate to years in lower levels.

Another contention is, who was dreaming what?  Some say Fischer dreamed everything because they couldn’t plant an idea unless it was his dream.  Some say Fischer dreamed up to the 3rd level (the hotel), then Eames dreamed the 4th level (the snow fortress), then Cobb dreamed the 5th level (the dining room), and limbo is a shared state.  Now many point out that the answer was actually explained in the film earlier.  Fischer did NOT dream any of it.  That’s why they had an architect create the different levels, they created dreams for Fischer to enter and inhabit with his projections, making him believe that those were his own dreams.  So each team member, the one left awake at each level to administer the kick, is the one dreaming that level.  So for instance, on the plane, they entered Yusuf’s dream, that’s why they told him he should’ve gone to the bathroom because it was raining in his dream.  Since it’s his dream, he stays awake in the van while the rest sleep to go the next level, which Arthur dreamed (the hotel).  Since it’s Arthur’s dream, he stays awake to administer the kick later, while the rest sleep, and so on.

Another major point of contention is: was the ending reality or was it still another dream?  The spinning totem wobbled, but nothing was definite.  The most gripping argument is that even the ending was a dream.  The biggest proof?  Why did his kids look exactly the same, even the clothes, even the movement, even the lighting, just like the recurring image he has replaying in his mind throughout the whole movie?  If that scene hadn’t happened yet, why did he keep seeing it even in the lower dream levels?  The strongest argument is that Mal was right.  They were still in a dream.  When Mal jumped off the building, she woke up in the real “reality”.  So when Mal was asking Cobb to question what he considers reality, she wasn’t telling him that reality is limbo (which is below), but that reality is one more level up.  She could very well have been trying to wake him up.

And these are just a FEW of the so many details people are debating about, even as I write this.  The ones I wrote about is just the tip of the iceberg.  But the most compelling argument, the one that quieted all the screaming questions in my head, states that the whole movie was not so much a dream, but a metaphor.  Christopher Nolan likens the film watching experience to entering a dream world that it’s creators have manufactured for the audience to enter.  Cobb is the director, the architect is the scriptwriter (creating the backbone of the dreams), and so on.  And Fisher is the audience, brought into the dream world by its creators to plant ideas in his head.  That’s why Ariadne was tasked to not mess around too much with the reality of the dream because if cities started folding, then the dreamer will be suspicious that what what he sees is not real.  Much like the audience of a movie, if the plot is too incredible, then the suspension of disbelief ends, the watcher is not drawn into the world of the film, therefore the dream fails.

Read the full article HERE.

The explanation is so simple, yet so brilliant.  But of course, only the filmmakers know for sure what the real score is.  And I truly hope they never reveal the soul of their work by explaining it.  It’s like a poet explaining what his poem was all about…not cool.  Before reading this, I thought Inception was a good movie.  Now, I concede that it could be one of the greats.  And it’s much better when you know your reasons whenever you call a movie good or bad, even if it means getting your answers from other people.  There’s nothing wrong if you LOVED the movie.  It is equally alright if you HATED it.  Just try to figure out the reasons why you say what you say.  The true beauty of the film is that it got us all talking.  Whether you loved it or you hated it, the movie planted a seed in our collective thinking and pulled us into its world whether we ended up liking what we saw or not.  We were exactly like Fischer, unwitting pawns in the hands of a master manipulator, so good that we didn’t even know we were dreaming.

The Top Ten Celebrity Jokes

We were just talking about this this morning. It’s so Pinoy to send celebrity jokes.  When Erap was presedent, it was all Erap jokes. When GMA was president, it was all GMA jokes. I’m sure the Noynoy jokes aren’t far behind.

June 28, 2009 → The Top Ten Celebrity Jokes – Sent in by: Jorik

1. No name – Erap was singing: “Put your left feet in, then put your left feet out…” Jinggoy: “Dad, dapat foot.” Erap: “Ay oo nga, sori. Foot your left feet in, then foot your left feet out…”
2. OscarDelaHopia – Pacman: “Nars, gib me samting por my pain!” Nurse: “Okay sir, I’ll give you morphine” Pacman: “No, no! I want less pain, not more pain!”
3. Hoypunks – Jinggoy: “Dad, anong spelling ng ‘success’, dobol S ba?” Erap: “Naku, ewan ko anak, tatluhin mo na, para sigurado!”
4. Rehaz – (Nasusunog yung bahay ni Erap at Loi sa U.S.) Loi: “Tawagan mo yung emrgency number!” Erap: “Teka! Nahanap ko na yung 9, pero di ko mahanap yung 11!”
5. Fratman – Erap: “Hindi maganda itong nabili mong sabon, ayaw bumula!” Loi: “Eh bakit naman kasi ayaw mong basain muna?” Erap: “Hello? Nakalagay nga ‘for dry skin’ only!”
6. Zeni Grand – Not a joke, but it sounds like one. I saw Alma Moreno being interviewed on TV. Host: “Ano naman ang specialty mo sa pagluluto?” Alma: “Mostly Chinese diseases…”
7. Andee – Erap: “Hon, na-carnap yung kotse natin!” Loi: “Nahabol mo?” Erap: “Hindi, pero nakuha ko yung plate number!”
8. Boknoi – Friend: “Pare, saan ka nanggaling?” Pepe Pimentel: “Sa libing ng biyenan ko.” Friend: “Eh bakit ang dami mong kalmot?” Pepe: “Lumaban eh…”
9. Sakura – “It’s one, in one.” Manny Pacquiao on the latest deadly virus (H1N1)
10. Numbynacky – (During a funeral) Erap: “Anak, bilis, lumabas tayo agad! Wag tayong paiiwan!” Jinggoy: “Bakit po?” Erap: “Ayan o, nakalagay, ‘REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED”.”
11. Ralph Waldo – A woman comes up to Melanie Marquez and shouts: “Hey bitch!” Melanie shoots back: “Don’t you EVER call me HEY!”
12. Glennmich – “Noodle! Noodle!” Manny Pacquiao playing “Deal Or No Deal”.
13. No name – Erap texts Jinggoy the following message: “Anak, naiwan mo cellphone mo dito sa bahay.”
14. Neo MD – “Hidden Soldiers!” Manny Pacquiaowhen he was asked what’s the world’s number one anti-dandruff shampoo.
15. KiD BuKid – Teacher: “What is the scientific name of the female sex organ?” Erap: “I know this…it’s at the tip of my tongue…”
16. Bebe – “Toilet! Toilet!” Manny Pacquiao when asked which movie had Edward and Bella as the lead characters.
17. Glennford – (An exchange of texts between Erap and Loi) Erap: “Pa-pasaload naman ng 2 pesos, kasi last text ko na ‘to, may kailangan lang akong i-text.” (Loi sends 2 pesos) Erap: “Tnx!” Loi: “Wag mo na kong i-text!” Erap: “K!”
18. Aynluvcookies – Jinggoy: “Dad, pasilip nga kung sira yung signal light.” (Erap puts his head out the window of the car) Erap: “Sira nga! Ay, ayos pala! Ay teka, sira nanaman! Ayan, ayos nanaman…”
19. Aynluvcookies – Alma: “One burger please!” Waiter: “With pleasure, ma’am.” Alma: “No, with ketchup.”
20. Isenhart – Reporter: “Anong pasalubong mo kay Jinky?” Manny: “Ibon!” Reporter: “Ha? Anong klase?” Manny: “Mik-ap, lipstik, iba-ibang Ibon products!”
21. Jerguin – Alma: “Doc, si joey po laging sumisigaw pag nagka-climax siya!” Doc: “O, normal lang yun.” Alma: “Eh, nagigising po ako eh!”
22. RC and Cess – Q: “Bakit hindi nagsusuot ng grass skirt si Mahal?” A: “Kasi nagmumukha siyang sipa.”
23. Boknoi – Q: “Bakit hindi nagsusuot ng turtleneck si Bembol Roco?” A: “Kasi nagmumukha siyang roll-on.”
    
24. Japo – Q: “Anong title nung children’s album na ginawa ng Goo Goo Dolls at ni Lady Gaga?” A: “Goo Goo Gaga.”
25. Sasha Purse – Jinggoy: “Dad, bakit ang barko lumulutang sa tubig pero ang karayom lumulubog?” Erap: “Duh! Yung karayom may butas!”
26. Boknoi – (Alma Moreno called Philippine Airlines) Alma: “How long is the flight from Manila to Vancouver?” The person on the other line said: “Just a minute, ma’am…” Alma: “Wow, ang bilis lang pala!” (then puts the phone down).
27. Bebe – The Abu Sayyaf were looking for FVR, GMA and Erap, who all hid inside a sack each. The rebels kicked FVR’s sack, and FVR said: “Arf! Arf!” The rebels moved to GMA’s sack and kicked it, GMA said: “Meow! Meow!” The rebels moved to Erap’s sack and kicked it, and Erap said: “Patatas! Patatas!”

Man From Atlantis DVD!

I finally have the DVD!!! I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s a little boy’s dream come true!  The television show “Man From Atlantis” is my ALL-TIME favorite TV show…EVER.  There were many TV shows that had such an influence on me as a kid like Buck Rogers, The Million Dollar Man, The Bionic Woman, The Love Boat, Charlie’s Angels, but none held me in its power than the story of the last survivor of Atlantis, Mark Harris, complete with his webbed feet and dolphin swim.  The show was replete with corny scenes like this race between Mark and a dolphin:

Looking back at some of the scenes, they really look funny to me now, with its 70′s SFX that look so clumsy now in the age of CGI.  To the a child in the 70′s though, that world was magical.  It propelled me to spend hours in the pool trying to perfect that dolphin swim of his, dreaming a million dreams of me being able to breathe underwater.  Those dreams are still so vivid to me.  I could still feel the sensations of pushing water into my lungs and breathing life-giving oxygen as if I had gills.  Maybe being an unhappy kid, I always dreamed of escape.  And the idea of hailing a taxi cab, asking the driver to take me to Roxas boulevard, then simply jumping into Manila Bay and disappearing into the open blue of the South China Sea was an intoxicating fantasy, one that I still come back to even now that I’m much older.  That’s why looking back at old TV shows bring regular nostalgia, but seeing scenes from Man From Atlantis jolts me into a time warp, and there I am again, that pigeon-breasted nerd, afraid of Mondays because the bullies await like predators preying on social flotsam like me.  It’s so weird, how a low-budget flop television series could do this to me!  What a nut job!

Anyway, the show only lasted one season, a year before Patrick Duffy shot into television royalty as Bobby Ewing in the hit TV series Dallas.  Nobody even remembers Man from Atlantis.  But to me, Patrick Duffy will always be Mark Harris.  I remember posting on Facebook years ago about this TV show.  I was complaining that there were no Man From Atlantis DVDs available anywhere.  But apparently, Warner finally released the first movie (there were 4 movies before the 13 episodes of its only season) on DVD late last year.  My friends Alvi and Rina somehow stumbled on my old post on FB and researched on it, and Rina, who’s an internet shopping expert (check out her interesting blog) found it on Amazon, ordered it for me, and earlier this afternoon, I got the DVD.  So again, THANK YOU to Alvi and Rina for reuniting me and Man From Atlantis!  I know this is all silly to most of you, but I take nostalgia VERY seriously.

I couldn’t find a decent copy of the opening theme on YouTube, but I found a nice French version of the OBB:

The Top Ten Signs That Someone Is A Call Center Agent

One of the most significant cultural tsunamis of recent memory is the proliferation of the call centers all over the country.  A decade ago, nobody even knew what a call center was.  Now, a major chunk of the newly-graduated youth find employment within the walls of the new mecca for fresh grads, the call center.  Everyone knows someone who works for a call center.  The whole phenomenon has its highs and lows, don’t even get me started.

June 25, 2009 → The Top Ten Signs That Someone Is A Call Center Agent

1. Dru – Yung mga mukhang native, pero tunog imported.
2. Mrs. Le Min Ho – Lahat ng kamag-anak mo sinasabihan ka na walang future sa call center, pero ikaw ang laging unang tinatakbuhan kapag kailangan nilang umutang ng pera.
3. Codename Mango – At the ER, they’re the ones na tatanungin mo ng Tagalog, pero sasagutin ka ng English with a nasal twang. Pero di naman nila ma-explain ang nararamdaman nila. Kailangan pang sabihan ng: “Tagalog nalang, para maintindihan kita.”
4. No name – When they end their sentences with: “…or somethin’ like that.”
5. JokJok/Kikai – If you ask them what time it is, they answer: “Which time zone?”
6. CallCenterGirl/Unstrung – Kapag may nakitang kang nag-iinuman ng umaga at lasing na pagdating ng tanghali.
7. Paulymedic MD/Jollibee – Kapag sa madaling araw nasa hospital at humihingi ng medical certificate.
8. Famous Marcus/Grace/Mr. Perk/OscarDelaHopia – If they look forward to Memorial Day, Columbus Day or 4th of July, pero wala silang pakialam kung Holy Week.
9. Chefchefan/Adam – If they’re Nursing graduates, who are also gay/bisexual, they’re most likely working in a call center.
10. Gracia – They’re the people in the smoking area in the RCBC building they call the “lung center”.
11. SatCentral – If they know what avaya is.
12. Patricia and Clarence – 3 things: coffee, yosi, jacket.
13. Exmortis – Pag ang Monday nila, Tuesday.
14. Mars Shmallow/Mr. Perk – They’re the young people lined up at a convenience store early morning, buying alcohol.
15. RC & Cess/Teapot/No name – Kahit saan suot nila ang lanyard at I.D. nila.
16. Blitzkrieg/Cobe – Ang dumadaloy sa ugat nila, hindi dugo. Kundi kape, energy drink.
17. Reichen – They don’t say: “Nakaka-irita ka ha!” They say: “Nakaka-irate ka ha!”
18. Doraemon/Mr. Perk/No name – Sa katirikan ng araw, sila lang ang balot na balot ng trenchcoat.
19. Abernathy – If they say “HEYCH” for letter “H” and “ZED” for letter “Z”.
20. RC & Cess – My sister is dating a call center agent. Ang date nila laging breakfast.
21. Suplada MD – Whatever meal they’re eating, at what ever time, is always called, “lunch”.
22. Smiles-a-lot – They’re habitual job hoppers. This month they’re in Sykes, next month they’re in Convergys, etc.
23. Quia – Kapag ang baby ng couple ginawa sa break room or sleeping room.
24. Cheyenne – If they call the toilet their, “Ebsite”.
25. Glenskie – Sila yung masandal lang sandali, tulog agad.
26. MonB – How do you know a guy works for a call center? Naka-jacket. How do you know if a gay guy works for a call center? Naka-shawl.
27. DarkSeptember – Sila ang paboritong biktima ng mga snatcher at holdaper.
28. Juggernaut – If your pee smells like coffee.
29. Mr. Perk – Sanay ka sa prank callers.
30. Jennifer Alba – They LOVE breakfast buffets.
31. Arvie – You say stuff like “TL, coaching naman!” and “Auto in na bawal ang after call!”
32. Polgas – Pag ang nagiisang teleserye na nasusubaybayan mo, “Daisy Siete”.
33. CallCenterNurse – If they pronounce “internet” as “inner net”, “call center” as “call senner”, “international” as “inner national”, “auto” as “audo” and “button” as “bu-on”.

I Write Like

I found out about a website that analyzes a piece of your writing and tells you which famous writer you write like:

I Write Like

I’m pretty sure it’s just some program like most of those applications on Facebook where you answer some questions and they tell you which Harry Potter character you are.  But anyway, I decided to try it out and copy-pasted a lot of my blog entries just to see who pops up.  So expectedly, each blog entry came up with different writers.  I got diverse writers like pop puzzle-meister Dan Brown, horror masters Stephen King and H. P. Lovecraft, Blogger Cory Doctorow, “Fight Club” writer Chuck Palahniuk, and even early Irish writer James Joyce (whose writing gave me headaches when I had to read them when I was still an English Literature major.  So I decided to input more blog entries until I got multiple appearances from a single writer.  Eventually, one writer kept popping up:

I write like
David Foster Wallace

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I had no idea who this writer is, so I decided to google him.  David Foster Wallace’s defining work was his 1996 novel “Infinite Jest”, which Time Magazine included in its All-Time 100 Greatest Novels list.  Dogs played a major role in his life, and he often spoke of opening a dog shelter.  Unfortunately, he suffered from depression most of his life, often depending on anti-depressants to keep his head above the water, and fueling his productivity.  The turning point was when he suffered side effects from his anti-depressants which his doctors ordered him to stop.  Without the medication, his depression came back with a vengeance.  And when he re-started taking his medication, it stopped working.  His depression got so bad, that in September 12, 2008, he took his own life by hanging himself.

Hmmm…an often depressed dog lover who dreams of opening an animal shelter someday…sounds familiar?  I don’t like where this is going.  So I focused instead on the theme that popped up the most.  Turns out, I had 3 fantasy/horror writers on my list – 2 revered, Stephen King and H.P. Lovecraft, and 1 reviled, Stephenie Meyer.  So maybe I can start my own horror franchise?  I can see it now…a series of books on midget vampires, who are way too short to bite anyone’s neck, so they need to find a steady blood supply, but only from the waist down.  Oh yeah right there! I smell a hit…