The Top Ten Memorable Pinoy Quotes

Nice twist that I’m posting this mere days before our national elections.  During these moments you really feel Pinoy, whether for better or for worse, whether you’re voting or not, whether you’re invested in it or not.  You can see it as a scary time to be Pinoy, or the best time to be one. Caveat: Of course many of these “quotes” are actually jokes.

May 4, 2009 → The Top Ten Memorable Pinoy Quotes – Sent in by: SC

1. Blitzkrieg – In a gay beauty pageant, the host asked a contestant: “What is the one thing that symbolizes HAPPINESS for you?” The gay contestant paused, thought for a while and smiled: “EGGPLANT po!”
2. GRACiA – In a comedy bar, the gay comedian talked about inspecting the people entering the club: “Para sa mga babae, dapat labingwalong gulang pataas. Sa mga lalaki naman, anim na pulgada pahaba.”
3. Manong Driver – In a TV news bit, a policeman caught a hold-upper and goes: “This man is a…this man is…manloloko po ito, manloloko!”
4. Jayswong – Inday Badiday to a lost child on her show: “Kilala mo ba kung sino ako?” KId: “Opo.” Inday Badiday: “Sige nga, sino ako?” Kid: “Bakla po.”
5. Keyfaust – Alma Moreno was asked: “What can you say about violence in Philippine movies today?” She supposedly answered: “Naku, gitara nga hindi ako marunong, violence pa!”
6. Akosimael – Ruffa G to Kris A, who mentioned that her mom raised them not to talk back to their parents: “Kris naman, i-compare mo ba naman ang mom mo sa mom ko.”
7. Julian – A starlet was asked: “Ano ang edge mo sa ibang artista?” She answered: “Edge ko po? 24 years old po.”
8. No name – Reporter: “Balita ko wall-to-wall carpeting sa bahay mo.” Alma Moreno: “Hindi naman, sa sahig lang…”
9. Albert – DOH’s Dr. Eric Tayag, when asked if Swine Flu can be had from eating pork: “Hindi bumabahing ang karne.”
10. Cheezee – A starlet was asked how she liked the movie and she answered: “TEN thumbs up!”
11. Doraemon – Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s reactions to the Americans on VFA: “The problem with the Americans, is that they are overpaid, oversexed and over here.”
12. Camila Rosa – Miriam Defensor-Santiago on her opponents: “Many, if n0t all, of my presidential opponents, are certifiable idiots.”
13. TwistdSaint – Celia Rodriguez during an awards night: “And the winner goes to…”
14. Doraemon – Quote from Imelda Marcos: “People say I’m extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?”
15. Febkinse - Pacquiao: “Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.” Jinky: “Sweets? Nasaan? Ang lambing mo naman, may pasalubong ka pa sa akin!” Pacquiao: “Yung sweets ng ilaw. Ang dilim kaya!”
16. Febkinse - Erap: “Miss, pabili nga ng ballpen.” Saleslady: “Sori sir wala p0 kaming ballpen.” Erap: “Ano ba yan, PENSHOPPE walang ballpen!”
17. Febkinse - GMA: “Sorry late ako. Grabe ang brownout sa Makati, 1hr kami sa elevator.” ERAP: “Mas grabe ang brown out sa San Juan, 2hrs kami ni Jinggoy sa escalator!”
18. Mr. Perk/No name – Melanie Marquez: “Ang tatay ko lang ang only living legend, na buhay pa!”
19. Rhea – During an interview, Kris Aquino asked Anne Curtis: “Maarte ka ba?” Anne replied: “Oo,parang ikaw!”
20. Pumba – Angelica Jones when asked about Onemig Bondoc: “Ang masasabi ko lang, wala siyang BREATHING!”
21. Jorik – Host asked beauty contestant: “If you win, what problem of our country will you address first?” She answered: “I will promote drug abuse.”
22. Jorik – Host: “What is the role of the runner-up?” Beauty Contestant: “The role of the first runner up is…is…can I have an interpreter?”
23. Parry Hotter – Someone asked Imelda Marcos: “Madam, how rich are you?” Imelda: “Darling, if you can count it, you’re not rich.”
24. No name – Vilma Santos interviewed after her wedding: Interviewer: “How do you feel?” Vilma: “I’m just glad the marriage is over!”
25. Pookie! – Host: “What’s your best feature?” Beauty Contestant: “My graduation feature.”
26. TReiz – Seen on twitter, “Don’t f*ck with me, I’m half Filipino, and I’ll Manny Pacquiao you, bitch!”
27. Blitzkrieg – Melanie Marquez’ acceptance speech for winning Best Actress: “Salamat po sa Board of Judges. Ito na ho yata ang pinakamaligaya kong Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon sa inyong lahat!”
28. Akosimael – Starlet during a peace rally: “Stop war, not peace!”
29. The Trifler – Vicky Belo when asked about her diet: “You should eat yung mga sosyal na fish.”
30. Glenskie – From a co-writer sa Collegian: “Gaga, hindi ako bakla!”
31. Gorgeous Bitch -Manny Pacquiao on the Hatton fight: “Nothing personalan.”
32. Hellgirl - Randy David on his arrest during PP1017: “Isang paraan para di mahuli sa rally, inglisin mo yung pulis.”
33. Boknoi – Dolphy on running for office: “Madaling tumakbo, eh paano pag nanalo?”
34. RC & Cess – On Philippine politics: “Pagkatapos ng eleksyon, dalawang klase lang ang politiko – NANALO at DINAYA.”

Kelly Clarkson

It started out as a not-so-great weekend.  It was a 3-day, for some 4-day, long weekend, and there we were on a Saturday with nothing to do.  We decided to head off to Tagaytay for an early dinner, so ay least we don’t feel like such losers.  Then, maybe within 10 minutes of entering the SLEX, we get a text from Luis of Greenwich, asking if Delle and I wanted to watch Kelly Clarkson’s concert that night, since they had 2 spare tickets.  Are you serious?  I couldn’t believe my luck.  I really wanted to catch Kelly in concert, because she and Carrie Underwood are by far still my most favorite American Idol graduates, plus the most successful.  Kelly Clarkson still is the best selling Idol worldwide, while Carrie Underwood has the best-selling Idol album in the U.S.  I had to make sure it wasn’t a prank, because it sounded too good to be true.  So we ended up just eating a quick snack in the Nuvali area and rushed back to Manila.

Delle and I met up with Luis and Tintin at the Araneta center since we were sitting with them.  And a tip, the Starbucks in Araneta is unique: half the cafe is accessible from outside, half is accessible from the inside.  They won’t allow you to bring in your drinks, so if you plan to drink coffee inside the coliseum, you have to buy from the inside, or buy it from the outside and make abot to someone from the inside.

Miguel Escueta was already performing when we got there.  He was a trooper, giving it his best despite being apologetic for being the front act.  The crowd appreciated the humility.  And then for the third straight time, as I decide that there’s still time for one last wiwi, the show starts while I’m in the toilet.  By the time I got back inside, blind like a bat, Kelly was already ripping through her first song, the rousing “All I Ever Wanted”.

Suffice it to say, she was INCREDIBLE.  From the first note, to the very last, her voice never wavered.  She would hit the inhumanly high notes with such ease, as if it were the easiest thing to do.  In fact, it’s easy to underappreciate  just how good she is because supply of vocal greatness much outweighed the supply.  She was so simple and down-to-earth.  She wore the same outfit from start to finish, changed only for the encore, no fancy sets (although the lighting was FANTASTIC), no back-up dancers, just good old-fashioned kick-ass singing.  it seemed like she hardly cared about how she looked like, in fact she has this awesome self-deprecating humor.

She seemed genuinely surprised at how rabid her fans are here in the Philippines.  At one part, she reached down to the crowd to shake their hands and she joked something like: “Don’t take my ring. And don’t hurt yourselves, I’m not Jesus; I’m not worth it.”  She’d also rib herself about always writing depressing songs.  You can sense a great sadness inside of her, but it’s as if she’s made peace with it.  I don’t know if this would make sense, but it’s like, she’s got sadness inside of her, but she’s not sad?

Before the concert, everyone was abuzz about how big she’s become since winning Idol.  And I’m pretty familiar with it, having seen pictures in the American tabloids.  But she wasn’t at all as big as everyone was tittering about.  True, she’s become evidently bottom-heavy, but what I like about her is that she seems comfortable with who and what she is.  At no point did she seem embarrassed about her weight.  She’d jump around, even with her gut protruding at times, and she doesn’t give an owl’s hoot about what people might think.  She knows it’s all about the vocals.  She’s not a performer like Lady Gaga or Pink, she mostly just stands in front of the mike or jumps around during fast songs, but her pipes really get your full attention.

She slayed with all of her chart hits, like “Breakaway”, “Sober”, “Because of You”, the final song “Since You’ve Been Gone”, and her encore that brought the house down, “My Life Would Suck Without You”.  And in a nice twist, as she sang that song, she pointed to the bigscreens and this was flashed:

So sweet, I just wonder what the story behind that was.  For a moment I thought it was a proposal, ala-Julia Fordham when someone proposed during her concert here.  If you guys know the back story, please do let me know.  The only songs Kelly didn’t sing was her coronation song, “A Moment Like This” and the cult fave, “Beautiful Disaster”.  But my favorite moment was when she sang a mash-up of Alanis Morissette’s “That I Would Be Good” and King Of Leon’s “Use Somebody”.  I love the interplay between one song saying, “I’ll be okay even if I’m all alone”, then segueing it with a song that says, “But then, I could really use somebody”.  Genius.  I had chills up my spine!  And although my favorite Kelly song is “Since You’ve Been Gone”, I must say I was most carried away when she sang “My Life Would Suck Without You.”  I had goosebumps when everyone was just jumping and screaming their lungs out singing to the song.

I’d really just like to thank once again Luis and Tintin for inviting us to watch the concert with them.  We’re really overwhelmed by such a random act of kindness.  Thanks guys (sniff)!  It’s always nice to catch artists performing live, even after their peak, but it’s altogether a different high when you catch them at the height of their powers.  To be able to catch THE Kelly Clarkson live at her vocal peak is a chance of a lifetime.  I can’t choose between Kelly and Carrie because I love them both equally.  So now that I’ve seen Kelly, I need to attract the good energy to be able to catch Carrie next.

Kelly, my iPod will suck without you!

The Top Ten Signs That You’re Addicted To The Internet

Ever since I learned how o blog, I must say I’ve pretty much been addicted to the internet.  I’m more into my computer than I am into my cellphone.  I even use my cellphone to log on to the internet.  But I must say, it’s still my rule that I never bring my laptop on a vacation. Once that happens, I’d really need to check into rehab.

May 1, 2009 → The Top Ten Signs That You’re Addicted To The Internet – Sent in by: Cherry

1. Musashi – If your brother is talking to you and you tell him: “I’m busy, i-PM mo nalang yung tanong mo…”
2. Arvie -  If you’re into Megaporn, Xtube, Youporn, Iyotube, Dudesnude, among others.
3. Robjo – If you’re up to date on all the latest TV shows, but you haven’t switched on an actual television in years.
4. Carmine – I know somebody who maintains 3 very active blogs, has lots of friends on Facebook, Multiply, etc., and her pages are teeming with activities. In real life though she lacks social skills. I think hindi na siya sanay dealing with real people sa kaka-internet niya.
5. Maebritt – True story: Our laptop burnt out sa sobrang gamit. We were using it from 7am to 12 midnight when the screen just went blank and it died.
6. Lelouch – If you hate books kasi hindi mo ma-copy/paste sa report mo.
7. Blitzkrieg – When you receive snail mail, you ask the mailman: “Manong, sigurado ba kayong walang virus yan? Paki-scan muna bago ko i-open.”
8. Mr. Perk – If you ask your neuro-surgeon if you can have a 1TB increase in brain memory.
9. Terebol – You only eat in restos that have free wifi.
10. Oscar Dela Hopia/Renj – When laughing, instead of saying, “Hahaha!” you say, “LOL!”
11. Renj – Pag may kalyo yung bottom left part ng kamay mo sa kakagamit ng mouse.
12. Abernathy/Smiles-A-Lot – If your standard answer to any question is: “Google it.”
13. Musashi – Paglumampas yung taxi na sinasakyan mo and you tell the driver: “Manong, scroll down!”
14. No name – My dad was such an addict that when his arthritis hit his right hand sa kaka-internet, instead of going to a doctor, he spent more than an hour looking for a prepaid internet card so he can log on to emedicine.net.
15. Blitzkrieg – If you go to the library, double click on the doorknob, then ask the librarian where the Wikipedia section is.
16. RC & Cess – When filling up a biodata, you put under “address” your website URL.
17. RC & Cess – If your teacher says: “For your homework, add me sa Facebook, tapos isa-status ko nalang sa wall ko yung assignment niyo.”
18. Ennaid – If you’ve become an expert in finding proxy sites for your office firewall.
19. Boknoi – If your ultimate goal in life is to become a knight…in Ragnarok.
20. Maximo – If you tell your mom: “Ma, GTG muna, pero BRB kasi may GEB lang yung clan.”
21. Mr. Miser – If you need to delete cookies and clear your cache on a daily basis.
22. Specialist – Moody ka in person pero hyper ka pag online.
23. Specialist – Kapag memorized mo lahat ng IP address ng mga websites.
24. RC & Cess – You get sick of Friendsterculosis and High Blog Pressure.
25. Redge – you never turn off your laptop; naka-sleep lang lagi para madaling mag log on.
26. Astroboy – If you have more pop-ups than a person on viagra.
27. Abernathy – You look for mobile versions of your favorite sites so that you’re always online.
28. Cherry – If birds chirping outside your window makes you think of Twitter, and you’re starting to think that “tinyurl” is a cute baby name.
29. Burnout109 – Pag alam mo yung press alt tab to change window para hindi obvious na nagi-internet ka sa office, at ctrl tab to change tab sa mga browser.
30. Gracia – We once had a patient who needed anti-hypertensive medicine because her mom refused to have her DSL reconnected.
31. Faith – If someone texts you: “Musta na?” And you answer: “Paki-check nalang sa blog ko.”
32. Mr. Perk – If you lost something and instead of looking for it, you go online and hit the toolbar for “search”.
33. Daluyong/Boknoi – If you refer to eating as “uploading, and pooping as “downloading”.
34. Penguina – If you have as much as 30 tabs simultaneously open at one time.
35. Febkinse – If all the relationships you’ve been in started and ended online.
36. No name – If it’s common for you to be chatting online with someone who’s in the same room as you.
37. Greg – If you wake up one day, with your house on fire, you go straight to the internet, log on to Twitter, and post: “Mga tweeps, SUNOOOGGGGG!!!!!!!!”