Going Gaga

Lady Gaga just topped Time Magazine’s 100 most influential list.  If you’re not convinced, here are two parodies of her latest hit, “Telephone”, from two couldn’t-be-more-disparate sources: the slums of the Philippines and the United States military in Afghanistan.

Telephone by Lady Gagita featuring Haronce

This viral hit from Lady Gagita has already hit the entertainment blogs in the U.S.  It’s not just a hit on Facebook and Twitter, it’s featued in many entertainment websites and blogs all over the world.  I just love the resourcefulness. Trash bags for hats?  And the kamias meals were hilarious!

Telephone by 2 guys in Afghanistan

Supposedly these are real U.S. military guys based in Afghanistan.  Even these uber macho men (or are they?) can’t resist lipsynching to Lady Gaga’s hits.  Her madness’ pull is too compelling for even these alpha males to resist.

And a bonus:

Bad Romance by On The Rocks

On The Rocks is an all-male (or are they?) a cappella group from the University of Oregon.  Love her or hate her, she’s inescapable.

Masculine Wash

When I saw the billboard of a new product, a “masculine wash”, as opposed to a feminine wash, I was thrilled.  Finally, equal rights!  How come the females get to have a cleaning agent specifically to clean their vajenitals?  So now it’s equal, men get to wash their loins with a wash specifically for that sensitive area for guys.

Okay fine, I’ll finally admit it, it’s not the first time I’ll be using a masculine wash.  I was actually given a bottle of masculine wash about a year ago…made by a salon…ok fine, it was the “Fanny Serrano Masculine Wash”!  Happy now?!?  It did the job.  When the bottle ran out, I didn’t have the balls (pun intended) to go to one of his salons to buy a bottle of his scrotum scrub.  So I had no choice but to go back to washing with soap, sometimes shampoo, and on special days, anti-frizz conditioner.

So when I saw that there was going to be a product to be sold in regular groceries, I was thrilled.  Right after the show yesterday, I went straight to Shopwise, but I couldn’t seem to find any.  With head down and shades on, I asked the saleslady: “Miss, meron kayo nung panghugas ng…alam mo na…ibon?“  When she brought me to the pet supplies aisle, I knew they didn’t have it.  So I proceeded to the next nearest grocery, Hypermart, and there, nestled between the sanitary napkin and feminine wash sections, a spattering of small bottles of the masculine wash.  It came in 2 variants, “tea tree” (don’t remove the “r”) and “freeze”.  Of course, I bought both.

When I got home, I went brisk walking around the village.  After about 30 minutes or so, after I’ve broken into a sweat, then was the perfect time to test how effective the new wash is, especially on a pair of itlog na maalat.  So I rushed to the shower, and read the instructions.  It said: “Pour a small amount in your hand, and gently massage into your genital area.”  Of course, I didn’t put a small amount, because the “area” wasn’t, ahem, small, so I put a large amount for the large “area”, thank you very much.  So I started to rub…and lather…it didn’t lather well, so I had to rub more vigorously…and massage…okay, let’s fast forward to the rinsing.  It said to leave it on for about 3 minutes, so I did.  I was sort of expecting it to be more, menthol-ey.  It didn’t have the tingling sensation I was expecting, given I tried the “freeze” variant first.  But it’s all good, I guess I felt sufficiently washed.

Had I been part of the marketing team, I would’ve named the product, “Head & Boulders” or “Gee Your Crotch Smells Terrific”.  Because let’s face it, it’s an area we want smelling fresh, especially if there are people “in the position” to know if you do.  I’m not flexible enough to test if my boys really smelled terrific, so I’ll have to get back to you on that.

Conclusion: I’m not sure men really need a masculine wash.  I mean, I feel the same way if I used ordinary soap.  Although someone texted during the show that there’s another brand coming out that has ginseng which improves your “performance” as well.  Don’t ask me how that works.  Plus, I’d prefer it if it felt cooler, so you’d feel like you have a hundred miniature  groin elves fanning your balls with mini mint leaves.  And maybe put some moisturizer in the formulation, for wrinkle-free skin?  Or maybe calcium for stronger “bones”?  Maybe that would make the extra product worth the trouble.  And maybe I’d skip the instruction: “Shake well before using”.  It might cause some confusion.

SOCO (6-Course Dinner)

As I type, I’m dripping with sweat because I started brisk-walking around the village as part of my new fitness regimen.  My doctor insisted that although diet is the primary concern, lack of exercise is just as dangerous as eating bad.  Why am I sharing this?  Because this is a long-delayed post, this dinner happened March 26, 2010, when my friends and I decided to try this 6-course dinner by SOCO: Private Dining By Reservation (it’s in San Antonio Village in Pasig).

I hardly get to indulge in dinners like this.  The last time I think was when we did an 8-course dinner in Chef Laudico’s house way back in 2004.  The reason I brought up my fitness regimen is that just when I fell in love with dinners like this, suddenly, everything is bawal.  So I don’t know when I’ll get to partake of such a banquet again.  I guess I’d have to get used to my usual plateful of tears instead.  Anyway, we chose the SOCO Tasting Menu #1.

Cocktails

Baked Brie in Phyllo with Raspberries

This was DEEELICIOUS.  I felt a bit guilty because it was on the sweet side of the spectrum.  If not for the equal amount of saltiness, I would have mistaken this for dessert.

Dinner Proper

Tuscan Mushroom Salad: Pan-Seared Foie Gras on Carpaccio of Tuscan Mushrooms topped with Raclette Cheese and served with Chive Cream Dressing, Chopped Tomatoes and Edible Flowers.

Hands-down my favorite of the 6 courses.  Absolutely scrumptious!  The combination of the Foie Gras and Raclette had my toes curling.  It was hard to top this one.

Roasted Pumpkin Soup with Goat Cheese Whipped Cream

I’m not a big fan of pumpkin soup, so I’m not the best person to judge this.  My niece makes a killer pumpkin soup, but I’m really just not into it.  But based on the other pumpkin soups I’ve tasted, this one’s definitely one of the better ones.

Tiger Prawns on a pool of Squid Ink Sauce topped with Chorizo Fritto and Paella-flavored Risotto

Being a big seafood eater, I gobbled this up with much regret, because I was so patay-gutom that I think I didn’t give it the proper respect by eating it slowly, appreciating the fine flavors that went into it.  My mind just saw: “FOOD!” and ate every last morsel.  The squid ink on the side was a nice touch.  I’d slide my prawn over it before popping it into my mouth and it gave the dish a nice twist.

Snake River Farms’ US Wagyu Flat Iron Steaks with Garlic Potato Puree and Bacon-wrapped Asparagus

Again, I’m not a big fan of steaks in general.  Even as a kid, I wasn’t really into slabs of beef on my plate.  I’m not a big chewer (I know, unhealthy), so unless the meat is EXTRA tender, I tend to chew a bit, then gag on the juice-less meat.  But this one was definitely tender, and I enjoyed it a lot.  I loved the prawns more, but this wasn’t bad at all.  And to think we’ve gone through 4 courses before this, and yet I ate every last bit.

Chocolate Souffle topped with White Chocolate Shavings served with Vanilla Bean Sauce

I was SUPPOSED to skip the dessert.  But when it came out, how could I not venture even a little taste?  Well, the “litlle taste” translated to eating half of this blissful experience.  It was so sinfully good.  I was glad we had coffee to balance out the sweetness.  Of course a flood of guilt ensued once I put the chocolate-stained teaspoon down…

Overall, we were so happy that we swore to make this a regular hobby.  My friend Lennie is such a Foodie that she has a couple more Private Dining restos lined up already.  The price range is a bit steep though.  But I felt that it was money well-spent.  It’s such a luxurious gastronomic experience.  It’s like being spoiled rotten through food.  Good luck to me given my new stringent diet, but I guess I can treat myself every now and then to nights like these filled with good food, great company, and some food photography.

The Top Ten Signs Your Household Help Is Gay

We’ve always had yayas, because my mom refused to hire male househelps, mainly because she didn’t feel safe with strange men around.  But my sister did have a lesbian yaya (or at least she really looked like a boy).  Everyone would ask if “it” was a boy or a girl, because people just couldn’t figure it out.

April 30, 2009 → The Top Ten Signs That Your Household Help Is Gay

1. No name – If, as your driver is parking, he asks you with a wink: “Ser, paano niyo gusto kong ipasok, PAHARAP o PATALIKOD?”
2. RC & Cess – If someone cuts your car, and your macho driver floors the gas, catches up to the car, rolls down his window, then shouts: “GAGA!!!”
3. Mr. Perk – You ask Dodong if he’s still single and he answers: “Dalaga pa po.”
4. No name – Kung ayaw niya si “Winnie da pu…” kasi mas gusto niya si “Winnie da ti…”.
5. Abernathy – If you tease your driver to your yaya and your driver raises his eyebrow and goes: “What…EVER!”
6. Loipogi – When Dudung goes: “Ma’am, mas bagay sa inyo ang green shawl to complement your emerald green mascara & sexy liquid leggings with giant hoop earrings.”
7. Loipogi – When Dudung goes: “Ate, puwede mag day-off? May EB kami ng mga friendship ko sa Malate.”
8. Jedi Mstr – If you ask Dodong: “Bakit wala ka pang asawa hanggang ngayon? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?” And he answers: “Meron po koya…manhid ka lang…”
9. Mami Pakyaw – If while in the car, the amo goes: “Bakit amoy clorox?” And the driver goes: “Si ma’am naman, para nag-burp lang eh…”
10. Greg – If during breakfast time yaya comes crying to you: “Koya, sinabunutan ako ni Dodong! Gusto daw niya kasi siya ang magababate ng itlog niyo!”
11. Loipogi – You see Dodong with Judy Ann’s wedding picture, so you say: “Crush mo si Juday?” And he goes: “Duh! I was admiring the gown. It’s so Paul Cabral, with its classic chic form-fitting bodice…”
12. Blair – If the gas attendant asks your driver: “Ser, sagad ko?” And your driver answers: “Sige, isagad mo…isagad mo pa…”
13. Mojacko – You catch Dodong with another man in his room, and when you ask who that is, Dodong answers: “Koya, cousin ko po…cousin-tahan…”
14. OscarDelaHopia – Junior: “Dodong, tikman mo tong niluto ni mama kung masarap na.” Dodong: “Senyorito, ikaw nalang titikman ko, gawa ka din naman ng mama mo!”
15. RC & Cess – Pag sobrang tagal linisin ni Dodong yung kambyo ng kotse.
16. No name – If you ask yaya if your skirt is okay, and yaya answers: “Shorter…”
17. Hakunamatata – Ma’am: “Feeling ko talaga may ibang babae si ser mo.” Dodong: “Si ate talaga! Pinagsseselos ako!”
18. Pritijamels – Our houseboy is the only one teaching our myna bird words. One day, we heard the myna bird saying: “Frederico…Frederico…I love you.” Frederico is my uncle.
19. Loi Pogi – You tell your driver: “Traffic yata sa EDSA.” And your driver goes: “Keri lang, ser.”
20. Sasha Purse – Kuya: “Dodong! Nasaan ka ba?” Dodong: “Koya…nandyan lang lagi sa puso mo…”
21. Specialist – Kuya: “Ihanda mo yung kotse.” Driver: “Magmo-motel tayo?”
22. RC & Cess – Dodong 1: “Nagpa-tattoo ako, BARAKUDA!” Dodong 2: “Ako naman, LAWIN!” Dodong 3: “Ako din nagpa-tattoo! PUSA!” Dodong 1: “Anong klase, TIGRE?” Dodong 3: “Hindi!” Dodong 2: “LEON?” Dodong 3: “Hello Kitty.”

Chico Vs. Philtranco Bus

What a horrible way to cap off the weekend.

Ugh. I don’t even want to post a photo of the car crash.  I’m too upset.  Let me start from Sunday morning.  I was happily eating brunch when I got a call that our hosting for Pentel’s Earth Day was pushing through. It was a nice gig, it was for a great cause, and there was a performance by Christian Bautista and a meet-and-greet with Charice Pempengco.  I left early enough with time to spare since I live very near Megamall.  Then I realized that traffic was going to be hell.  I decided to park in that huge outdoor parking between Mega and Podium.  I tried to get into the Podium entrance, but I couldn’t wrangle myself into the long line.  So I decided I’d go around to the Megamall entrance.  As I turned from J. Vargas to Bank Drive, the bus on my right suddenly scraped into the right side of my car.  The crunching metal-on-metal sound was sickening to my ears.  Since traffic was horrible and moving in centimeters, I made the snap decision to just move forward to not cause any more traffic, knowing fully well that moving the car after an accident, nullifies my chances for a sketch for the police report, weakening my case against the bus.

Luckily, the bus stopped since passengers were getting off and the bus driver had to get the luggage from the bus’ belly.  I approached the driver and said: “Ako yung may ari ng kotse na binangga mo.“  To my utter disbelief, the driver goes: “Wala, wala akong nabangga!“  I looked him in the eye and told him in as calm a manner as I could muster (because I wanted to poke his eyes out with my keys): “Wag ganyan. Kung gusto mo ipa-scrape natin yung pintura na nasa bumper mo at yung pintura sa gilid ng kotse ko at tignan natin kung match?“  Eventually he relented and owned up to it.  Jerk.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, because it’s painful to re-live it over again, I couldn’t stay to fix it because our event was about to start, and he couldn’t stay because he needed to deliver the rest of his passengers, so the Ortigas security guy just made me write a statement saying the bus hit my car, with all our details, then signed by me, the a-hole driver, the security guy, and the konduktora.

The awful thing about this is that I’m pretty sure that Philtranco will give me the runaround. Imagine me calling them up to say: “Hi, I’m the owner of the car one of your buses crashed into.  Who do I talk to regarding you paying me?”  I can’t imagine the bosses clamoring to tell me: “Quick, let’s redress the wrongdoing we have inflicted on this innocent victim!  Pay him whatever it takes to make it easy on the poor fellow for inconveniencing him with our inept driver!”  I don’t think so.

Anyway, my friend was telling me that I don’t have to go on a wild goose chase with the bus company.  He said my insurance will chase their insurance, and the royal rumble will have to be between them, sparing me the added stress.  I just don’t want that driver to get away scot-free.

This couldn’t have come at a worse time (not that there’s a perfect time to get into a car accident), but there’s a certain chaos I’m trying to maneuver through and this is like the bitter icing on an already unpalatable cake.  I’m just trying to convince myself to find solace in what the elders in our family say when there is some sort of material loss: that the accident took the place of something that could’ve been worse.  Like for instance, instead of somebody getting sick, the accident took it’s place.  I know, it’s probably folk mumbo-jumbo, but if I can find some sort of comfort in trying to make sense of a probably random event, then I’d take it.  It’s no big deal, actually, people crash their cars all the time.  I’m just not in the best state to be zen about this.

The Top Ten Things To Say If An Ugly Person Asks: “How Do I Look?”

I know, I know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  But don’t you agree that some people are across-the-board ugly, just as there are people who are so beautiful they transcend personal taste?  This reminds me of that heart-wrenching scene in “The Elephant Man” when John Hurt bellowed: “I am NOT an animal!”

April 27, 2009 → The Top Ten Things To Say If An Ugly Person Asks: “How Do I Look?” – Sent in by: Tato

1. Boknoi – “Let’s just say, that ‘UGLY’ starts with ‘U’. “
2. Boknoi – “Let me put it this way: pag katabi kita, nagmumukha akong katulong, kasi mukha kang bayong!”
3. Boknoi – “Para kang treasure…ang sarap mong ilibing!”
4. Pretty Kitty/Excalibur/Eric Pogi – “You’re pretty…pretty ugly.”
5. Rodel – “Tapos na ang evolution diba? Parang di ka naabisuhan…”
6. Capt’n – “Maganda ka…sa ibang culture.”
7. Hookworm – “Hindi mo kailangan ng beautician, kailangan mo magician!”
8. SC – “Mukha kang prinsesa…prinsesa ng kadiliman!”
9. Specialist – “Para kang miss earth…taong lupa!”
10. Arcueid – “Mag-sorry ka! Mag-sorry ka sa mga mata ko!”
11. Boknoi – “Kung krimen ang pagka-pangit, silya elektrika ka na!”
12. No name – “Ang mukha mo parang ulam na inihain na wala pang kakain…dapat tinatakpan.”
13. Genovia – “Bakit, kung sasabihin ko bang maganda, maniniwala ka?”
14. Sasha Purse – “Bakit, ayaw mong maniwala sa salamin?”
15. Sharkbait – “Alam mo ba kaibahan ng ‘lakas ng loob’ at ‘kapal ng mukha’?”
16. Iceage – “Parang…pangit na nilagyan ng make-up?”
17. Abernathy – “Alam mo yung itsura ng mga beauty queen? Hindi ganun.”
18. “Kresha – “Depende sa lighting…siguro dapat nakapatay.”
19. Georgina – “Ano sa palagay mo? Ako hindi mapalagay…”
20. Blair – “May word ba na mas malala pa sa ‘pangit’?”
21. Stewart – “Alam mo yung taeng bulok? Mas malala pa dun…”
22. Eggers – “You look…boo-look.”
23. Greg – “Magandang…magandang…magandang gabi, binibining tsonggo!”
24. Kid Bukid – “Inay, yung kabayo, nagsasalita!!!”
25. Paul Ignatius/Ugly Betong – “Pangit ang tatay mo, pangit ang nanay mo, pangit ang mga kapatid mo…ano ka, HIMALA?”

Jejemon

It all started with this video link by Bon D. sent as a comment in one of my posts:

So I thought…okay…but what the hell is a jejemon?  So I googled and researched, and finally found some answers.  No exact definition, it’s best explained by visual example.  For instance, here’s the for now, definitive description of what a jejemon is courtesy of Urban Dictionary:

1. jejemon

1) Usually seen around social networking sites such as Friendster and Multiply, jejemons are individuals with low IQs who spread around their idiocy on the web by tYpFing LyK diZS jejejeje, making all people viewing their profile raise their eyebrows out of annoyance. Normal people like you and me must take a Bachelor of Arts in Jejetyping in order to understand said individuals, as deciphering their text would cause a lot of frustration and hair pulling.

CAUTION: THESE INDIVIDUALS ARE BREEDING! THEY CAN BE SEEN WRECKING GRAMMATICAL HAVOC ON FACEBOOK TOO!

2) Jejemons are not just confined to trying-hard Filipino gangsters and emos. A Jejemon can also include a variety of Latino-Hispanic fags who enjoy typing “jejejejeje” in a wider context, much to the disdain of their opponents in an internet MMORPG game such as Ragnarok and DOTA.

3) Basically anyone with a low tolerance in correct punctuation, syntax and grammar. Jejemons are usually hated or hunted down by Jejebusters or the grammar nazi to eradicate their grammatical ways.

On AIM or YM:

miSzMaldiTahh111: EoW pFuOh!

You: Huh?

miszMaldiTahh111: i LLyK tO knOw moR3 bOut u, PwfoH. crE 2 t3ll mE yur N@me? jejejejeje!

You: You are a jejemon! Don’t talk to me, you uneducated retard!

miszMaldiTahh111: T_T

Here’s another example, this time a jejemon suicide note:

oWkH3!, gH3tzz nYoHw NhhaH bAhH? jEjEjE…

The Top Ten Everyday Statements That Sound Dirty, But Aren’t

One of those Top Ten topics that are a dream to blog about, but hell to do on national radio.  Imagine the backpedaling and double-talking I had to do just to make some these airable.  And many just didn’t make it because I needed to keep my job.  Finally, I get to present to you the unedtied version of this Top Ten.

April 28, 2009 → The Top Ten Everyday Statements That Sound Dirty, But Aren’t – Sasha Purse

1. Zeni Grand – “Kulot sa itaas at sa ibaba.” (2-storey beauty parlor that does perms on both top and bottom floors)
2. Anto – “Amuyin ko muna yang tilapia mo para malaman ko kung sariwa pa.”
3. Jigan – “Iha, Tiyo Paeng mo ko! Tiyo Paeng mo ko!”
4. Joeshred – “Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more…” (Golf instructor to student)
5. Sicnarf – “Miss, magkano pakwan sa ‘yo?”
6. Jeremy – “Manong, bayad sa T. Tinio!” (T. Tinio is a street in Manila)
7. Curt Smith/Boknoi/Devil Boy/Juggernaut/Roland – “Lawayan mo muna para tumigas, saka mo ipasok.” (pagsilid ng sinulid sa karayom)
8. Greg/Vanzkull – “Ang init ng panahon, nagpapawis tuloy mani ko!” (peanut vendor)
9. No name – Employer: “Anong posisyon?” Applicant: “Ser, kahit ano, basta makapasok lang.”
10. Blitzkrieg – “Miss, puwede papatong?” (a guy asking if he can put down his bag on the lady’s table)
11. Masterbaker/Eternity_Armani – “Wag mo kong tirahin patalikod!” (to a backstabber)
12. TwistdSaint – “Matagal pa ba bago tumigas yan?” (customer to ice vendor)
13. RC and Cess – “Hey, you’re banging too hard!” (mom to a son knocking on the door)
14. Joeshred - “Bakit yung sa iyo malaki at walang buhok, yung sa akin maliit na maraming buhok?” (eating corn)
15. Donya Tequila/Roland/Doraemon – “Mas masarap pag sinipsip mo habang matigas pa!” (tips on eating ice candy)
16. Joeshred - “You can’t beat our meat.” (sign at a meatshop)
17. JCFerrero03 – Boss: “Anong specialty mo?” Applicant: “Blowjob po.” (Bar owner asking bartender applicant the drink she prepares best)
18. Nic – “O, yung itlog mo, dala mo?” (I always remind my husband to bring the herd-boiled egg he brings to work)
19. C.VanillaBen – “Ang kinakain ko lang na iltog yung maalat.”
20. Cuncun – “Hon, ibuka mo pa, malaki to!” (husband telling wife to open the door wider so he can bring in the new widescreen TV)
21. Bodzilla8 – In culinary class, a classmate once said to me: “Pare, ikaw naman ang mag-bate. Ngawit na braso ko eh…”
22. Sasha Purse/Peanut – “Paano tayo makakabuo kung di mo ipapatong?” (mga naglalaro ng lego)
23. Angel Shadowsong/Bobidaks – “Miss, gaano kalaki breast niyo?” (umoorder sa KFC)
24. Lady G. – “Salatin mo muna bago mo silipin!” (mahjong players)
25. Joeshred – “Boss ano gusto niyo, babae o bakla?” (tindera ng alimango)
26. Chad – “Wag mong isagad, bka dumugo!” (pag sinusungkit ang tutuli)
27. C.VanillaBen – After the recital, a pianist was asked: “When not playing the piano, what do you do in your spare time?” Pianist: “I play with my organ.”
28. Joeshred – An establishment that serves drinks and offers gambling – “Liqour in front, poker in the rear.”
29. Joeshred- “After 18 holes, I can hardly walk.” (golfer)
30. No name – “Itaas mo…ibaba mo…idiin mo…mas madiin pa…ayaaaan…ang sarap…” (someone having her back scratched)
31. HBK2 – “I-relax mo kasi puwet mo, para di mo maramdaman pag pinasok ko…” (a doctor administering vaccine actually told me this)
32. Tcams – “Miss, ilan ba dapat ang itlog ko?” (asked the waitress because the menu said 1 egg, but I had 2 on my plate)
33. Guelmytes – “Ang sarap talagang kainin ng mani ni Aling Ising, laging mainit!”
34. Iceage – “Puwede ko nang iputok? Saan mo gusto?” (at a shooting range)
35. No name – My mom buys hotdogs being endorsd by Sam Milby. One time she asked my brother: “Nasarapan ka ba sa hotdog ni Sam?” He said: “Okay lang, pero maliit, kaya ng isang subo.”
36. Abernathy – Kid with a stutter to his aunt: “Titi-tita, pepe-penge pong kiki-kikiam. Palagay na lang po dodo-doon sa susu-superman na plate. At yung bolbol-bolpen niyo, wala sa kin, pekpek-peksman!”

Glee!

Aylovet.  A lesbian playing a butch straight character, covering a song from a straight gay icon.  I love it when Sue sneers here and there, as if she couldn’t stand every second of playing dress up in Madonna clothes.  The Madonna episode airs today!  ETC airs it Wednesdays, at 4pm, then a replay at 10pm.  Apparently, rumors of Madonna not being happy about Glee doing a Madonna episode is completely unfounded.  Madonna herself professed a crush on Will Shuester and will reportedly catch the tribute episode when it finally airs.

The new episodes from Glee were okay, not great, but I really loved this cover:

The guy playing Rachel’s love interest, Jesse St. James, is openly gay theater actor, Jonathan Groff, who was the breakout star of Duncan Sheik’s musical, Spring Awakening.

And with the debut of Taye Digg’s wife Idina Menzel as Vocal Adrenaline’s coach, the Wicked pair is now complete, as Kristin Chenoweth appeared earlier.  These two sang the original version of Defying Gravity, which Glee covered with Rachel and Kurt.  Whew, talk about full circle!

The Top Ten Moments When A Family Member Embarrassed You

We get to choose our friends, but we don’t get to choose our family.  So for better or for worse, we’re stuck with each other.  I don’t know which is worse, a family member embarrassing you, or you embarrassing your family?

The Top Ten Moments When A Family Member Embarrassed You – Lily Ann

1. Schivokanda – During the wedding of my tito, when it was time for the speeches, my lolo said to my tito’s new wife: “Alam mo iha, nagulat kami ikaw ang pinakasalan ng anak namin eh. Hindi kasi ikaw yung inuuwi niya sa bahay…”
2. Totti da Tutta – When my friend brought his crush to their house, his mom brought out a picture of him when he was 5 years old, NAKED. The mom goes: “Look at his putotoy, so cute no?”
3. Holly Golightly – When we took our lola to her first ever buffet in the States, she took my bag, then started stuffing bread and other food items inside!
4. No name – I was confined in the hospital and was only wearing a hospital gown. A hot nurse came in and started talking to my brother. As they were talking, my “member” started getting “angry”. My brother goes: “O tol, ano yan?”, pointing to my thingy that was by then peeking out of the gown. The nurse ran out of the room.
5. Hoiram – During a party I was making porma to a girl outside when my mom and dad arrived in our car and started making sutsot to me. The girl said: “I think you have to go home now…”
6. No name – When my friends had a sleep over at our house, they saw my mom hanging panties na binurdahan niya ng “NINENG”, my pet name that I never told anyone. When my classmates asked who Nineng was, my mom goes: “Eh di sino pa…” while pointing at me with her snout.
7. Twisted Saint – My titas have a habit of picking their noses whenever they feel like it. One time, I invited my friends to our fiesta, and and my friends took lots of pictures.  When the pictures finally came out, there were my titas in the background, sabay-sabay nangungulangot!
8. Naomi Fujin – My dad and I were on a bike, when my dad suddenly sneezed, and out flew his pustiso! He told me to go down and get his pustiso for him. Everyone on the street was laughing at me!
9. Leigh – One time, my mom’s friends saw me and were telling her: “Ang ganda naman ng bunso mo!” My mom told them: “Mas maganda yung mga kapatid niya!”
10. Musashi – One time, while our family was having dinner in a restaurant, my dad farted really REALLY loud. Then turned to me and shouted: “ILANG BESES KO BANG SASABIHIN SA YO NA WAG KANG UUTOT PAG KUMAKAIN TAYO!!!”
11. Autumn – The first time my boyfriend fetched me to go out on a date, my dad blurted out: “mag-condom kayo ha!” I was so angry then. Hehehe…I’m 8 months pregnant now…
12. Emogirl17 – The first time I got my period, my mom apparently told all our relatives.  I suddenly got text messages all day, basically saying: “May REGLA ka na!!!”
13. Monster – After the prom, I was shocked to see my mom at the entrance of the hall waiting for me. Worse, infront of my date she goes: “Ano anak, nahalikan mo ba?”
14. Silverstraw – When we went to Dakak, my dad went swimming with his with white shorts na sobrang nipis. Nung umahon siya, super bakat yung shlong niya! All the foreigners were pointing at him, scandalized!
15. Suprman – One time may sumugod na matandang ale na hinahanap daddy ko. Sinagasaan daw niya yung mga halaman nila. Lumabas daddy ko at inaway ang ale. In the middle of the argument, biglang tumakbo papaalis yung ale. We were all wondering why, until we saw na yung thingy pala ng dad ko, nakalabas dun sa boxers niya.
16. Katrin – When a guy started courting my younger sister, my dad was furious because they were so young. One time when the guy visited, my dad asked: “Tuli ka na ba?”
17. No name – When I got my crush for our Christmas exchange gift, I was so excited. My mom said: “Ako bahala sa regalo mo!” On the day of the Christmas party, my crush opend my gift, and what was it? Isang kahon ng KATOL!
18. Carlos’ Mom – When we were young, my dad had a megaphone attached to his car’s hood. So everytime he arrived, instead of a horn, the entire neighborhood would hear him go: “Bukasan ang gate! Buksan ang gate!”
19. Doraemon – When I was 24, I brought my girlfriend to the house for dinner. My mom told her: “Alam mo, tabi pa kami matulog niyan!”
20. Tani – During my bro’s graduation, my dad was sweating like a pig. My mom said: “Magpunas ka nga, may panyo akong nilagay sa bulsa mo!” My dad said: “Wala.” My mom said: “Meron! Ako naghanda ng isusuot mo!” My dad insisted: “Wala sinabi!” Because my mom kept on insisting, finally my dad reached into his pocket and shouted: “HETO ANG NILAGAY MO…PANTY MONG PULA! HINDI PANYO!”
21. Schivokanda – My dad and I rarely see each other because he seldom comes to the Philippines. One time, after a long time not each other, we met up at Jollibee. When he saw me, he shouted: “Wow, ang laki mo na! may DEDE ka na!”
22. Jaeda – Back in college, I interviewed Ara Mina for my Journ class. I brought along my younger cousin. Ara was so nice, even ordering pizza for us. Towards the end, my cousin, feeling close, told Ara: “You’re not that fat naman pala!”
23. Mr. Perk – When my classmates slept over at the house, my Tatay handed us a box of x-rated VHS tapes.
24. Warden – While paying for stuff we bought in a mall, my husband suddenly said in front of the cashier: “Kelan ba balik ng asawa mo galing Saudi? Lubusin na natin habang wala siya!” The cashier had her mouth open as I turned a deeper shade of red.
25. Delmer – My friends and I were playing inside the house when we heard a mooing sound. We rushed to the window to see if there was a cow. My dad was outside then calmly said: “Walang baka, umutot lang ako…”
26. Whoabanana – During my wedding day, as I walked wearing my beautiful wedding gown in all my glory, everyone was telling my parents: “Ang ganda-ganda ng anak niyo!” My dad said out loud: “Sa banyo namin ginawa yang batang yan!”