The Best And The Rest 152

It’s a classic question: what would you do if you were the opposite sex? But since Beyonce cornered the market for the girls, we limited the question for the ladies only.  But can can answer too, what they would do if they were boys, if they were girls.  Get it?  Oh well.

November 13, 2008 → The Top Ten Ways To Complete The Statement, “If I Were A Boy…” – Boknoi

1. Louise - If I were a boy, I’d probably be a discreet, brokeback, once-a-year kind of gay, because deep in my heart of hearts, I’m a girly girl.
2. Spongebob – If I were a boy, I’d go for one of my ex-girlfriends. But then I AM a boy, pero boy din ang gusto ko.
3. Astroboy – If I were a boy, I’d be called Astrogirl.
4. Amber – If I were a boy, I’d look beyond the physical to give chances to girls who are plain-faced, but who have great personalities.
5. Racer – If I were a boy, I’d court and love my girlfriend so much, so that she wouldn’t turn gay. (Fyi: my girlfriend was straight but turned gay after 10 heartaches caused by stupid men.)
6. Chelsi – If I were a boy, I would no longer need tissue to pee.
7. Rebelyn – If I were a boy, I’d enjoy never having to wax my legs ever again!
8. Lintang Keringkeng – If I were a boy, maybe papansinin na ako ni “papa”. He doesn’t like girls eh.
9. No name – If I were a boy, I’d wear boxers and walk around the streets half-naked. Just because I can.
10. Nancy – If I were a boy, my children will probably be all panganay.
11. Ms.Ellaneous – If I were a boy, I’ll surely donate huge portions of my premium “swimmers” to the Sperm Bank for those women who want to have high quality genes!
12. Amy – If I were a boy, and my boyfriend a girl, I’d play around with other girls, the same way he did with me.
13. Icequeen – If I were a boy, my lesbian girlfriend wouldn’t like me anymore.
14. Siren – If I were a boy, I will no longer hear my parents saying, “eh babae ka kasi eh”, everytime they don’t to allow me to do things.
15. Diyosaiima – If I were a boy, pakakasalan ko si Delle sa kahit anong simbahan. Kaya lang, girl din ako eh.
16. Astroboy – If I were a boy, I’d crossdress so I’d still look like a girl.
17. Harriet – If I were a boy, I’d like to experience a bachelor’s party and see what men do before they get married. (Chico: You wouldn’t want to know…)
18. Purple – If I were a boy, I’d hate myself because men are pigs.
19. Mrs. Timmy Malaya Ang – If I were a boy, I’d grow my armpit hair as long as I can.
20. Geyp – If I were a boy, I’d cheat. Just to see why they derive so much pleasure from it.
21. Dapyang – If I were a boy, I’d scratch my balls in public.
22. Frederique – If I were a boy, my name would probably be Barbie Girl, at may parlor ako for sure!
23. Krispy kreme – If I were a boy, I would make friends with a girl first before courting her, just to be sure, rather than courtng a girl I barely know then drop her like a hot potato when I realize that I don’t like her pala but it’s too late because she’s already in love with me. (Hahaha, BITTER!)
24. Cheyenne: If I were a boy, Wala lang, papatayin ko lang sa inggit yung mga mayayabang na “macho village lesbians” sa amin. Ako boy na, sila mga fake boys pa rin!
25. Xaviera – If I were a boy, I’d get myself a nice ‘german cut’ .
26. Dapyang – If I were a boy, I’d join pataasan at palayuan ng ihi.
27. Jemo – If I were a boy, hahabulin ko ulit yung tatlo kong boylet who turned gay on me.
28. Crazyred – If I were a boy, i’d become a priest, and watch the girls go, “sayang, ang pogi ni Father…”
29. Kirei – If I were a boy, magtatayo ako ng fight club at bubugbugin namin lahat ng guys na manloloko ng girlfriend o wife nila!
30. Ms.Ellaneous – If I were a boy, I”d participate in the annual Oblation Run!
31. Mikimoto – If I were a boy, I‘d pee in every MMDA pink urinal to see if I’d still feel masculine after using a pink urinal.
32. Rogue – If I were a boy, ang haba siguro ng hotdog ko.

Mysterious Eggs, Atbp.

We went to Batangas for a weekend rife with all sorts of experiences, from encounters with the RUDEST people who blared their atonal karaoke singing at full blast at the expense of the other guests in a specifically no-karaoke zone, to the weekend being cut short because of prickly sea urchins resulting in a very swollen toe (not mine) that needed lots of vinegar and piss.  So vulgar warblers and spikey invertebrates aside, it was an interesting weekend (relaxing was NOT the word for it) — I learned to tweet and update FB on my mobile phone, we got to watch an ocean view lightning storm, learned that it’s no good going to the beach up to 3 days after a storm because the shores will be littered with TONS of garbage, and gathered some really quotable quotes:

Quote # 1: (Overheard on the beach) “Ay, kamukha niya yung DJ, si Chico, pero FAT version.”

Quote # 2: (Kids singing while catching dulong with a kulambo) “Ala eh pa pa pa pakerpeys…pa pa pakerpeys…”

Quote # 3: (Older lady to a little boy) “Usher! isuot mo na panty mo!”

Quote # 4: Old man: “Ano nangyari diyan, sea urchin? Wala yan, di ka mamamatay diyan. Ako nga malapit nang mamatay…”

It’s as if we were sucked into a vortex of weirdness, like a surreal “Through The Looking Glass” moment.  I almost half-expected to see the Mad Hatter or The Queen Of Hearts or Tweedledum and Tweedledee popping up from behind the bushes.  And to top the whole weekend off, we saw, amid all the trash, the silt and the other sludgy flotsam, something I’ve never seen before in the decades I’ve been going to the beach.  This slinky-like bunch of egg-looking things, strung together and then wound in a cylindrical manner.  For sure they’re eggs, but of what?  Here’s a picture from above the water:

The whole mass was about 1-2 meters long, and it looks as if someone took a really long string of pink eggs and wound them around a cylinder, then took out the cylinder.  Here’s a view from underwater:

And here’s as close as my camera could focus:

I’m pretty sure they’re just eggs of some fish, but they just look so bizarre and I’ve never seen anything like it before.  So any marine biologists out there? Kindly take me out of my misery and enlighten me with the true identity of these wonderfully odd-looking strings of pink eggs.  I can almost imagine some gay oceanic “hello kitty fish” emerging from those fushia orbs.  I’d love to know what they actually are.

Anyway, I’d like to have a more “normal” weekend getaway again soon, minus the garbage, the karaoke, and the catty comments regarding my weight, thank you.

The Best And The Rest 151

This Top Ten is sooo sashaaaaaaal!

November 7, 2008 → The Top Ten Kolehiyala Quotes

1. Aliceinforks – When my math teacher friend asked her students to copy the seatwork on the board, one of her students said: “What, we have to copy? Miss, you’re so tamad talaga, I swear!”
2. Specialist – “So sarap! Puwede pa-have?”
3. Astroboy – In a palengke: “Magkano na fish? You have sukli for 1k?”
4. Marcus - In college theology class, prof said we were going on an immersion in an urban poor community in QC that weekend. He asked the class what we thought was the most important thing to remember before the trip. Girl immediately barked: “Don’t wear jewelry! Baka ma-snatch!”
5. Astroboy – A kolehiyala to her bf: “What if sa future I become pangit, will you make iwan me na?”
6. No name – Blockmate on a jeep: “Sir, payment!”
7. Ghildon/Maximo/Professionalheckler – When asked to differentiate between a kamote and a dick, a kolehiyala replied, “Eeew! I don’t eat kamote!”
8. Kathy/Ruelski/Kristoff/Marianne – Kolehiyala activists: “Let’s make baka! Don’t be takot!”
9. Glenskie – An orgmate from UP, after taking the MRT for the first time: “My God, grabe the MRT noh! So many Filipinos!”
10. Jose de vengenge - Overheard sa starbux. Girl: “Hey can you make bantay my bag?” Gay: “Can I make dunggol your nguso?”
11. Geyp – Teacher: “If you were to trade places & live the life of the street children, how would you feel? Student: “I’ll be so dungis?”
12. Jun13 – “My eyes are white na kaya kaka-wait for you!”
13. Marcus – An office discussion about the Beijing Olympics. Officemate: “Makaka-host kaya ang Pilipinas ng olympics?” A girl on a nearby desk butted in: “Hellooo? Parking???”
14. Geyp – “My God, sana the pulubi won’t make limos to me!”
15. Sawyer – We had a blockmate that we were calling kolehiyala. She said: “I’m not kaya!”
16. Jorik – A classmate: “You’re so bastos, and super sama!”
17. No name – “How baboy naman the pig!”
18. Jose de vengenge – “KIll the ipis! Pero don’t step on it ha? Kadiri the sound.”
19. Hanazawa Rui – “Honeeeeeey, I don’t have panty naaaah!
20. Carlo of Radio 1 – Somebody really said this: “Guys, you think ba we really make tusok the fishball? That’s not true kayaaaaa! They just love to make us siraaaaa.”

Michael Jackson (1958-2009)

State Of Shock. Like the title of Michael Jackson’s last hit with his brothers, that sums up exactly how the world is dealing with the loss of a cultural force of nature.  As a child of the 80’s, to me he hit the zeitgeist of our generation like a musical tsunami.  I was in my freshman year in high school when Thriller came out.  I knew who he was, but this new Michael was different.  His songs sounded different.  Everyone was abuzz with talk of how good the new album was.  Sad part was, for some reason, CBS didn’t release any records in the Philippines, so the only ones who had it were the kids who bought theirs abroad.  So the biggest record in the whole planet, was unavailable to us Filipinos.  It took a while before the record (we called it LP, or long-playing record) hit our shores, and when it did, we lined up to get our own copy.  At the time, local records sounded a billion times crappier than the foreign ones.  The local records were scratchier and the fidelity was way off.  But it sufficed, better that the wobbly cassette tape.  I’d watch his videos on Video Hit Parade or channel 4’s Rhythm of the City, where I watched my favorite DJ’s like Vince St. Price and Jeremiah Junior  introduce my favorite Michael Jackson videos.  Actually, the first time I ever heard Billie Jean was not from Michael Jackson, but from some amboy boldstar who was singing it on a noontime variety show.  His name was Tom Babauta.  And I thought, “Damn, his song is pretty good!” Until my classmate pointed out that it was the new Michael Jackson hit.  By the time I got addicted to the Billboard Charts via my idol Casey Kasem, Thriller was on its 5th hit, “Human Nature”.  From then on, there was no looking back.  I was hooked on 80’s music and in the forefront was Michael Jackson.

As the years pass, I grew less and less of a fan.  In fact “Bad” was the last Michael Jackson CD I ever bought.  But his greatness was never questioned.  Maybe other artists will surpass his records but no one can ever match the influence that he had on his generation and many after that.  I can’t shake it off, I guess.  When the pop stars of your generation start dying, it reminds you of your own place in the chronology of life.  Let me just share with you lyrics from the title track of the brothers’ final album as the Jackson 5, “Destiny”.  In it Michael sings lyrics that seem to foreshadow the preeminent solo career that lay before him, for after this album he would skyrocket as one of the greatest solo performers of all time.  A transcendent career wrought by a gnawing loneliness and alienation.  As if his greatest achievement was also his most egregious curse.

“In this world there’s much confusion
And I’ve tasted city life and it’s not for me
Now I do dream of distant places
Where, I don’t know now but its destiny

If it’s the rich life I don’t want it
Happiness ain’t always material things

I want Destiny
It’s the place for me
Give me the simple life
I’m getting away from here
Let me be me, come on, let me feel free”

Here’s a video of the song that started it all, the very first hit of the Jackson 5, the song that shot straight to the top of the charts and introduced the optimistic doe-eyed youngster with the colossal voice to an astonished public.  The title of their first single echoes the sentiments of his fans everywhere, now that he’s gone: “I Want You Back”.  You almost pity watching the pulsating life force from this little kid, knowing the troubles that lay in his future.  Michael, to say we’ll sorely miss you, would be like saying you sing well.

The Best And The Rest 150

I used to love jokes so much.  Even as a kid, I’d but those cornball jokebooks in National Bookstore just to amp up my arsenal.  Then when I’d get to school or family gatherings, I’d let ‘em rip.  I’d bomb most of the time, but I guess it was rehearsal for what I’d eventually be doing as a career.  So I love joke Top Tens, they bring out the kid in me. Although I highly doubt that most of these are invented.  Anyway, it was just en excuse to have another joke Top Ten. Cornball alert, okay?

November 6, 2009 → The Top Ten Invented Jokes – Jorik

1. Curt Smith – Anong sabi ng laway sa spe*m? “Anong ginagawa mo dito?”
2. Rovivrus Nobag – Kung ang tagalog ng HOUSE ay BAHAY, ang tagalog ng HOME ay TAHANAN, ano sa tagalog ang MOTEL? Sagot: TIRAHAN!
3. Ella Joy – Paano tumawa si Dracula kung naging kapampangan siya? “A! A! A! A! A!”
4. Rovivrus Nobag – Kapag di tumalab ang KISSpirin at YAKAPsule sa LOVEnat, ano na dapat ang gamitin? BiogeSEX.
5. Hookworm – Paano gumawa ng itlog na maalat? Eh di mag-jogging ka!
6. Dodge – Bakit hinimatay si daddy centipede? Nagpabili si junior ng Havaianas.
7. Lanz – What is, “if are”? Gamot sa masaket na masil na nagkapilipilipilipit.
8. Jules – Ano ang apelyido ni Punisher? Ranno.
9. No name – Bakit ginawa ang eroplano? Kasi sira.
10. Pompom – Ano ang sabi ng kilay dun sa isang kilay? “Hi brow!”
11. No name – Ano apelyido ni Yoda? Lehihoo.
12. Jinggay – Anong puno ang laging okay lang? Eh di “fine tree”!
13. No name – Ano ang ultimate dream ng panda? Magkaroon ng colored picture.
14. Charlize Turon – Sino ang favorite wrestler ng mga baboy? eh di The Rock!
15. Etieng – Ano sabi nung poopoo sa kapwa poopoo? “Pare, walang tulakan!”
16. Adonis – Anong hayop ang sinisigaw ng mga bisaya sa concert? Raccoon!
17. Mrs. Cullen/Wendy/Mikoy – Ano ang ayaw ilagay ni Goldilocks sa buhok niya? Red Ribbon.
18. Tomadora – Bakit mahirap magmahal ng anaesthesiologist? Kasi manhid.
19. Joperman05 – Ano ang sabi ng utot sa sanitary napkin? “I am the wind beneath your wings.”
20. Inah – Teacher: “Ano ang similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio at Ninoy Aquino?” Student: “Lahat sila, namatay ng holiday!”
21. SC – Ano ang favorite na laruan ni Garfield nung bata pa siya? Eh di pussycat dolls!
22. Ellen – May batang nahulog sa septic tank. BOY: “Sunog! Sunog!” Dumating ang bumbero, niligtas siya. BUMBERO: “Bakit sunog ang sinigaw mo?” BOY: “Bakit, kung sumigaw ba ako ng ‘Tae! Tae!’ pupuntahan niyo ko?”
23. Sushi – Bakit kapag bilugan ang mukha mo, hindi ka dapat masyado ngumiti? Kasi baka mapagkamalan kang YAHOO MESSENGER!
24. Juls – Paano ka dapat uutang kay Dracula? “Meron ka bampira?”
25. Macc – Bakit ang kalbo di dapat magsuot ng turtleneck? Kasi baka magmukha siyang roll-on.
26. Johnnyman – Ano sa english ang singsing at tatlong hari? Aringkingkingking.
27. Shivaspikikay – Ano ang sabi ng utot sa tae? “Pare, mauna na ko sa yo ha?”
28. Sheryll – Ano ang apelyido ni Sadako? Paroon.
29. Mojari – Bakit ang brief may bulsa? Lalagyan ng asin para sa itlog.
30. No name – Bakit ang maitim di dapat nagpu-pulbos? Kasi magmumukha silang crinkles.
31. Pancakes – Ano ang first name ni Herman? Soup.
32. Babyjen – Headline w/ a picture of a cow: “BAKA – hindi sigurado.”
33. Astroboy – Q: How can you win the heart of a nurse? A: First, you have to be PATIENT.
34. Psalm 23 – Ano ang sabi ng medyas sa sapatos pagkatapos silang hubarin? “Haaay…life socks!”
35. Night Tripper – Ano ang sabi ng poopoo sa utot? “Pare, sabay na ko sa yo!”
36. C. Vanilla Ben – Ano ang tunog ng high heels ng babaeng makapal ang makeup at naka micro mini, habang naglalakad ng gabi? “Pok, pok, pok, pok…”
37. Chiloz – Anong bansa ang pinanggagalingan ng pinakamaraming gatas? Eh di Nepal.
38. Curt Smith – Ano ang sabi ni Bugs Bunny kay Daffy Duck? “What’s up, duck?”
39. Boknoi – Ano ang tawag sa head editor ng isang major chinese broadsheet? Eh di EDITOR-INTSIK!
40. Wendy – Ano ang apelyido ni Josie? Frotgam.
41. Geyp – Ano sa Tagalog ang “lap”? Eh di tawa! Mwahahahaha!

Nerd Alert!

I’m not exactly a nerd, because the term connotes a certain level of intellectual superiority.  I was only stellar academics-wise back in grade 2 (and boy, did I gloat!).  It was downhill from there.  College wasn’t so bad, but we’re not talking about college. We’re talking grade school, where the bullies feasted on nerds like me, like flies swarm around warm sh*t.  I guess I was asking for it: I was pigeon-chested, I had thick plastic eyeglasses, I wore platform shoes (hey, it was in vogue in the 70’s!), I’d trip everytime I tried to run, and my favorite topics were animals, dinosaurs, UFO’s, and the occult.  So fair enough, I get it now why I was bullied.  I can’t walk like a nerd, talk like a nerd, dress up like a nerd, then get hurt if someone calls me a nerd.  I don’t know where it all turned.  It wasn’t so bad when I was young.  Here’s me with the late Pepe Pimentel, when my mom made me pose with him when we saw him at some resort in Laguna (something that sounded like Hidden Valley?):

Not so bad, right?  You gotta admit, I was kinda cute.  Pepe even asked me if I wanted to be part of his Saturday kiddie show at the time (ala-Uncle Bob).  So I don’t know where it all went awry.  Life took me through some twists and turns, and before I knew it, I was heading straight to NERDSVILLE!  I started reading too many books, I stopped talking to people in general and retreated into my own little private world, I started a lifelong friendship with my pillows (Rhinus, Jason, and Doggie), I started playing with imaginary friends (a griffin named Grover), I lead an imaginary country (The  Morbius Empire), and I started collecting everything I could get my hands on (stamps, coins, bottlecaps, rubber bands, kare-kare bones, EVERYTHING).  I swear, I’d be a psychotherapist’s dream client!  Anyway, in a couple of years, I went from cute and adorable to this:

Omigod, I’m so thankful the shot is blurry!  It’s as if all the bullying and all the verbal abuse pushed the kid with the joie de vivre deeper and deeper inside, leaving a gnarled bizarro version of myself.  I feared going to school because it would be day after day of being tormented by those goons in school uniforms.  So I escaped, and I imagined, and I daydreamed myself far from where I was, leaving my corporeal self moving about like a complete idiot.  Even after so many years in my school, when my graduation yearbook came out, the write-ups of my classmates were all glowing superlatives of all their successes and achievements.  Here’s a sample, one of a brainiac and one of a jock (names blackened out to protect the innocent):

If you were the parent of any of these kids, you’d be grinning from ear to ear, beaming with pride, right?  Now let’s move from exhibit A to exhibit ME.  If you were the parent of this boy, who shall heretofore remain nameless, how would you feel?

Believe it or not, that was my yearbook write-up.  Anyway, this isn’t a nerd pity party, just a bittersweet looking back, since we talked about my insect-collecting club days during one of the Morning Rush shows.  It just reminded me of those days when the only thing that would comfort me on a Sunday night, knowing that it’s a Monday the next day, that I’d be facing alienation and discrimination from the bullies, was hearing a song on TV, from the Donnie and Marie Show.  It went something like, “May tomorrow be a perfect day, may you find love and laughter along the way.”  Thank heavens it was, and I eventually did.

The Best And The Rest 149

It’s cool I’m posting this today, the 13th death anniversary of my father.  13 years ago, 5 days after my birthday, my father died.  Oh wow, the questions I’d like to ask him now.  I wonder what he would have said had he been here the past 13 years.  So many things have happened, so many changes transpired.  Many times I find myself asking, “what would Daddy say?” whenever we’re in a tight spot.  Oh well, after 13 years, I’ve proven that there can be a moving on, but not necessarily a getting over.

November 4, 2008 → The Top Ten Questions You’d Want A Loved One To Answer

1. Bebi h8s bebe – “Why did you make me wait 4 years just to tell me you don’t love me?”
2. Warden – For my husband: “I know it’s over and no sex happened, but I’m dying to know what else you did with her when you went out on dates and let her ride in our car. What did the two of you do in our car?”
3. Kay – For my mom: “Why do you doubt that none of your 4 kids will take care of you when you get old, that you had to adopt another child just so someone will?”
4. Gracia – “Mother, father, brother, sister, how do you brush your teeth?”
5. Maomao – For my dad: “When can I talk to you without you getting angry?”
6. Josa – To my sperm donor: “How can you leave us when you proposed to me before I got pregnant?”
7. Avi – My dad’s credit card bill says he bought a TV, aircon, ref, washing machine, etc. My question is: “Uhm…dad, where are they? We don’t have have any of those in the house.”
8. Pumba – For my biological parents: “Why did you leave me in the backyard of your parent’s house when I was 1 month old? And after 13 years I’ve found out you were able to raise 4 more kids after me? WHY?”
9. Your Highness – For one of my dearest friends with a long overdue ‘utang’: “Buhay pa kaya ako kapag naisipan mo akong bayaran?”
10. The famous noname – For my dad: “Is the guy who went to your wake and claimed that he was your son, really your son?”
11. No name – For my parents: “Do you really expect me to pay all of Papa’s medical bills? I’m neck-deep in bills, how will I take care of myself when the time comes?”
12. Astroboy – To a beloved priest friend: “Why can’t you just leave the priesthood, marry your girlfriend, and take care of your 2 kids?”
13. Philip Ivan Oliver – For my family: “Pag namatay ako, malulungkot ba kayo o matutuwa sa 1 million na insurance na makukuha niyo?”
14. No name – For my cousin: “If we weren’t cousins, would you give it a go?”
15. Ninerx – For my ex who ended our 5 year relationship to be with another girl: “Now that she left you for another guy, don’t you think life is fair? Hehehe.”
16. Anonymous – For a guy named Angel: “Why did you get married when after 2 weeks of marriage, you see more of me than your wife?”
17. Bocaio – For my cousins wife who just gave birth, and my cousin is not the father: “Do you feel any prrrayshur rayt now?”
18. Giselle – For my dad: “Are you really just kidding when you say I’m not really an only child?”
19. Astroboy – For a straight guy cousin: “Bakit ang dami mong gwapong gay friends?”
20. Unplainedrice – For my ex: “Totoo bang kaya ka naging tomboy, dahil iniwan kita?”
21. Vi – For my kids: “Will you feed me when I’m old?”
22. Dru – For a dear friend/officemate: “After all these years, aren’t you tired of running away from good taste?”
23. ANTi-PATiKA – For my bestfrend: ”Who is the father of your baby girl? Your boyfriend, or mine?”

No Boundaries Vs. No Boundaries

I started out REALLY hating this song.  I even considered it the worst coronation song EVER.  But to be fair, the moment we started playing the studio version of Kris Allen’s song, I realized it wasn’t so bad.  In fact, the more we played it, the more I not only tolerated it, but even all out loved it.  Then just recently, I remembered that Adam Lambert DID have his version of it, so out of curiosity, I gave it a listen, and boy did I like the song even more!  The arrangement was quite different, more “glamborous”, more bombastic, but both had an appeal in their own right.  Kris has that singer-songwriter appeal, Adam has that rockstar aplomb!  I never thought I’d grow to love this song, but both have been playing in my iPod over and over again the past couple of days.  Despite the excess of mountains and hurricanes, the song is annoyingly catchy!  So my apologies to Kara DioGuardi and Cathy Dennis (and the third writer, who’s name escapes me at the moment), but I completely take back what I said that your song sucked.  In fact, it rocks.  For a song to work with two distinctly different singers is a testament of an at least decent song.  Hehe…I still have a hard time saying it’s a great song because it’s really cheesy on paper.

But anyway, it’s no secret I prefer Adam Lambert, so I do like his version better.  But what about you?  Give both a listen, which do you prefer?  No hating, okay?  Just a healthy discussion would be nice.

Kris Allen

Adam Lambert

The Best And The Rest 148

I feel a bit embarrassed to post my birthday Top Ten only because a lot of it involves compliments and it feels weird posting great stuff you said about me.  Oh well, minsan lang naman…hehehe.  Besides, it makes me feel good.  And thank you again to everyone who texted in their greetings last Wednesday!

June 17, 2009 → The Top Ten Best And Worst Things About Chico Garcia

1. Gooey Kablooey – Best thing about Chico, ang galing mag advice tungkol sa lovelife. Worst thing, wala naman kaming idea about his own lovelife.
2. Xtianroi – Best thing is that Chico’s great at doing grandma voices. Worst, he better at doing grandma voices than grandpa voices!
3. K2ytes – The best thing about Chico is that he’s one of the jocks with the mostest because he’s witty, charming & most of all, he has a HUGE…”funny bone”. The worst? He won’t blog about ballet because according to him, it’s not his cup of tea.
4. TReiz – I love that Chico still has his sense of childLIKE wonder and drive to learn. I hate that he kept his childISH geek sensibilities.
5. Forg – Best: awesome blog. Worst: nakaka-hang ng PC pag nilo-load.
6. SPY Shadow – Chico’s a great joker, photographer, diver and blogger. Worst, he’s a lousy pathfinder and forgets things, names and dates easily!
7. Curt Smith/Specialist – Best: Super funny si Chico! Worst: I think all rushers have experienced laughing & farting at the same time.
8. Mr. Perk – Best thing about Chico is his attention to the listeners. When I visited the booth I was touched that he remembered details about me from my entries.
9. Reichen – Chico is very good at catching Delle’s faux pas and squeezing every drop of entertainment value out of it. Worst, Chico is very bad at avoiding making those same faux pas himself.
10. Cyclops – When doing The Morning Rush, Chico’s at his BEST when he’s with Delle. Punchline comes out naturally. Delle will always be the beauty, and Chico the BEST!
11. Tomba – The worst thing about Chico is that he stutters whenever you ask him something he’s guilty of.
12. Astroboy – The best thing about Chico is that he makes an effort to interact w/ the listeners which endears him to many. The w0rst is that sa dami ng nagkaka-crush sa kanya, matindi ang competition! [Chico: Talaga lang ha! ]
13. Dru – The worst thing about Chico are his lousy pickup lines. The best? His unearthly drool-worthy good looks (of course kamuka ko sya eh lol).
14. No name – The best thing about Chico is that during The Morning Rush, he Jumpstarts the day w/ his jokes which makes The Ride to school/work fun. Based on my Daily Survey, he’s one of the best DJs which gives him All Access to unlimited Playtime.
15. Smoke – Worst: He’s a nerdy weirdo. Best: He’s like my therapist in the morning.
16. Mr. Perk – Worst: ang taas ng standards sa mga Top Ten entries. Best: he makes sure that listeners will hear only the best.
17. Espeks – Best: he’s such a houdini in bailing himself out of situations. Worst: he gets himself in those situations, all the time!
18. Yen – Best: he’s a great DJ and a great friend to Delle. Worst: he can’t read his own handwriting.
19. Dyosaimma – Ang chico diba parang alak? Habang tumatagal sumasarap. (Pero pag sumobrang tagal, nabubulok. Hala!)
20. Doraemon – The best thing about Chico is he’s a techie guy. Worse thing is, winawala niya ang cellphone niya. Pano kung may scandal yun!
21. Cherry – I’ve been listening to your show since 1996 & there’s no bad thing I can think of about Chico. EXCEPT that he hates Mariah. I luv u chico pie!
22. Chinagirl – Best thing about Chico is that he is so easy to love. Worst thing? That he is taken.
23. Urduja – Best: his fantastic sense of humor. Worst: when he starts being naughty or green. Ang hirap mag-explain sa mga anak ko!
24. Porkchopmiyer – Best: he is one of the reasons why there are still people who listen to the radio in spite of having technology as rivals.
25. OscarDelaHopia – Worst: his penmanship. Mag-iiba ang c0dename mo pag na-biktima ka ng sulat nya. Best: buti c0mputerized yung blog niya.
26. YNG INDY – Best: he seems to be living a Full life. Worst: he makes my life looks incomplete.
27. Boknoi – Best: He can make “sasyaaal” sound abnoy. Worst: He’s photogenic…KUNG underwater.
28. PUMBA – The best thing about Chico is even if he’s Sosyaaal he eats tuyo. The worst thing is he cannot eat tuyo without making it himay by his yayaaah.
29. TReiz – I love that Chico is really humble and never toots his own horn. He lets the hardware do the talking, GOLDEN DOVES BITCHES!!! I hate that he doesn’t defend himself but that’s ok, just say the word Chico and the rushers will become a lynch mob.
30. Astroboy – Sabi ni Benjamin Franklin, “Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.” But Chico is the excepti0n. He is the “outside circumstance” who makes many listeners happy. S0metimes just the thought of Chico making others happy makes me cry, kasi isa ako sa napapasaya niya! OA but true.
31. Gerver – The best thing about Chico is his imperfection, he doesn’t have any pretensions & what you see is what you get. These imperfections make him loveable to us Rushers. The worst thing is he tries so hard to please everyone especially the Rushers. Sure, not every request, greetings, and top 10 entry will be read, but don’t feel bad about it Chico, real Rushers understand the situation. Yung mga nagtatampo, give them a break nalang, ang dami natin kasi. Happy Birthday Chico!

My Birthday 2009

This has got to be one of my most DIFFICULT birthdays ever.  Not BAD, in fact it’s far from terrible, just DIFFICULT.  Almost as if at every turn, a roadblock is put in my path.  Nothing major, just a lot of speed bumps.

My saga started last night, which started out pretty well actually, when we attended the dinner at the residence of the U.S. ambassador, Kristie Kenney.  We were having so much fun the whole night, meeting a lot of new friends, until I realized that my phone was missing.  I thought I left it in Delle’s car.  Until it was time to go home and it was nowhere to be found.  So we trek home, thinking I left it at home.  But when we were at C5 already, I realized I was texting on our way to Forbes.  So we had to turn around and headed back to the ambassador’s house.  And there was my phone, on the gutter, where it has been soaking for the past 3 hours in rainwater.  It was still on, but the keypads weren’t responding.  There was water in the battery, the SIM card, under the key pad, under the LCD, EVERYWHERE.  And I lose my phone a few hours before my birthday, when family and friends will flood me with wonderful texts, and I’ll miss them all.

Believe it or not, the next day, after much blowing with a hair dryer, the phone dried up and actually started working again.  But by then, the messages where in the other phone, blah blah blah, and in short, I had about a hundred plus texts, most of which I had no idea as far as who sent them.  I spent the entire day checking my old phone, asking “who u?”, calling up people to verify identities, and having such a difficult time on a day when I should be celebrating.

Then the resto I was supposed to get pizza from, Foccacia, at the last minute, an hour before my family birthday dinner, ran out of arugula.  Panicked, I canceled my order and ran to Eastwood to take out food at Italianni’s only to find out that it has closed down and won’t re-open until July.  I ran to Shanghai Bistro and it won’t open until 6:30pm.  It felt like a joke.  Like every restaurant called each other up to conspire in testing my resolve today.

Eventually the dinner turned out okay, I finished texting back my thanks to most everyone who texted me today, and I calmed down.  Then I started to count my blessings.  I was just thankful no one got my phone.  The thought of strangers rifling through my private files sent shivers down my spine.  Images of video scandals flashed before my very eyes.  Not that I have any sex videos in my cam, and not that anyone would be interested to watch them if I did, but the idea was frightening nonetheless.  What would they call my video?  The “Careless Wrinkles” scandal?  Things could have turned out so much worse.

But to be honest, I realize I was relatively zen-like the whole time.  Acceptance of the events as they unfolded came quicker than usual.  Is it the age?  Have the years taught me the futility of swimming against the tides of fate?  So if I lost my phone and all my contacts…what?  Does panicking change anything?  Does popping my veins with frustration change the fact that I still have to spend on a new phone?  Does playing the “what if I did things differently” game change the eventual outcome?  Maybe age does that.  In a way, life has broken me, not so much in a bad way, but in a breaking a horse kind of way.  So I’ve been reigned in and I’ve learned to follow “instructions” on where to go, rather than insisting in getting my own way.  Is that bad?  Does that make me a hopeless old coot, resigned to the ravages of time?  Am I in an emotional coma?  I’d like to think not.  Maybe I’ve simply learned when to resist, and to flail my arms, and make a fussy hissy fit, and when to stop struggling, and just let life’s current take me where it will.  I wax faux-philosophical every time I celebrate my birthday.  It’s a yearly “tick” of my life’s clock that reminds me that I’m a second closer to the end.  Mortality is a curse for those who suck from the marrow of life, but it’s relief to those who never had the luxury.

So thank you to everyone who made this a happy day for me, despite the “logistical setbacks”.  The overflowing outpouring of goodwill is such an overwhelmingly wonderful treat.  I blush in shades of deep purple at the unabashed display of affection.  We don’t know if we deserve it, but thank you nevertheless!  If only everyone had a chance to experience what we do whenever our birthdays roll in, we’d be much happier campers.  Despite the dour outer shell, I’m actually a happy duck in a pond today.  The heart is happy, it’s just the head that’s insane.  Again, from the bottom of my achy breaky heart, THANK YOU!