The Best And The Rest 131

I used to be a big fan of fortune-tellers until I decided that I’d be the captain of my own ship.  Not that my fortune got any better, but even if they could see into the future, I’d rather not know.  And I’d still like to think that nothing is set in stone; that I still have a say in the outcome.  Now, if ever I’d go, I take what I hear with a sack of salt.

September 29, 2008 → The Top Ten Fortune-teller Quotes

1. Your Highness – The palm-reader correctly guessed that my last meal was binagoongang baboy.  When I asked how she knew, she said: “Amoy bagoong kamay mo.”
2. Kabodskie – “Kapag di ka lumabas ng bahay bukas, makaka-iwas ka sa car accident…” Duh!
3. Eylek – “If you don’t die within the next 3 years, whatever you wish for will come true.”
4. Famous Marcus – Fortune teller told me that the no.5 played a big role in my fortune. So excitedly on the 5th day of the 5th month I went to the tracks and on the 5th race I bet 500 pesos on horse no.5. Guess what? The horse came in 5th.
5. Vonski01 – I went to Quiapo and asked a manghuhula how much she charged.  She said: “500 kada tanong, at naka-isa ka na.”
6. Louise’s husband/Light Yamato – “Mapalad ka sa sex…ang makaka-sex mo, palad mo.”
7. Aron – When my mom was just 13 years old, a fortune-teller correctly identified the name of the man she will marry: Victor.  That’s my dad’s name.
8. Rayakin – Madam Auring once told Aga Muhlach: “Mag-ingat sa stray bullet.” Duh! Paano mo iiwasan, eh stray bullet nga!
9. Astroboy – Fortune-teller to a cute guy friend: “Pogi, nakikita ko na pag ako naging syota mo, libre na ang hula mo…”
10. Spanky – After an extensive reading about the women in life, the manghuhula said: “I just don’t understand why all these men keep popping up!” I’m a closet homosexual.
11. Quinn – “Makakatapos ka ng nursing.” Mai-impress na sana kami, until we realized we were all wearing our nursing uniforms.
12. Aprilea – A fortune-teller once told my husband: “Marami kang babae.” It’s correct though because he’s an OB-GYN.
13. Mamang Driver – “Mamalasin ka pag namatay ka ng Biyernes…”
14. Mangjose – “Habulin ka ng bading kasi may nunal ka sa bird.” It’s true!
15. Dru – Madame Auring when the Ms Universe pageant was last held in Manila: “Mananalo si Miss Valenzuela!” (Bulacan?)
16. Rogue – A woman went ot a fortune-teller and said: “I don’t know which of my 2 suitors I should marry! Who’s the lucky one?” The fortune-teller said: “One will marry you. The other, will be the lucky one.”
17. Chesapeak – My friend and I went to Tagaytay and the fortune-teller told me while pointing to my friend: “May gusto siya sa iyo.” We laughed and said that we’re only good friends. Ayun, 7 years na kaming kasal.
18. No name – On her new year’s eve show, Inday Badiday asks Madam Auring, “Ano ang iyong prediction kay Stella Suarez?” Madam Auring: “Lalo syang sisikat sa darating na taon at malalampasan niya ang kasikatan ni Alma Moreno.” The following day’s headline: “STELLA SUAREZ COMMITS SUICIDE.”
19. Yñaki – Believe it or not, when I was about 14 or 15 years old, this lady approached me and asked if I want to know my future, and she’s not charging anything. Two of the three things she told me already happened and the third is a couple of more years before I find out: my death at age 75!
20. SC – A student asked how her grades will be. The fortune-teller said: “Parang hair mo, bagsak.”
21. SC- Tinanong ko yung matandang manghuhula: “Magmamahal pa po ba ako ng lubos?” Ang sagot niya: “Iha, eh ano naman kung magmahal ang pulbos…”

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