Goodbye, Old Friend…

First of all, I haven’t been able to blog because of my ever-so-reliable ISP, with its faster-than-the-speed-of-light internet connection (am I being too subtle or do you hear the bitter drip of sarcasm in my tone?), conked out on me for the past 2 days.  It’s still shakey, they promised to get going on whatever the problem is in our area, so I write this without any guarantee that I’ll be able to post this.

Second, I’m an emotional wreck.  I finally decided to sell my beloved car, the same one I had since October 2003.  I still love it, it still runs great, no major problems, but I decided it’s time to say goodbye.  After telling my friend about my decision, he told me just yesterday that someone wanted to see it.  I said yes, and within an hour, he was calling me to say that someone wanted to pay already and take home the car!  My head was spinning! I thought someone would look at it, think about it for a week, then decide if they want it or not.  I was ready to sell the car, but not on the same day!  I asked for at least a one day extension, and they agreed.  Obviously I sold it dirt-cheap since they couldn’t wait to seal the deal.

I suppose this specific car is the MOST special to me, mainly because the memories I attach to this car are the most special to me.  I have more treasured memories in this car than all my other past cars combined.  Not so much the quantity, but the quality.  I swear, I’m such a sentimental wuss.  My spine turns to jello everytime I realize my car is gone.  I know it isn’t the case, but it’s as if the new owner has taken the memories away together with the car.  I guess I really have letting go issues.  I get so attached to things I love.  I can’t seem to accept the impermanence of everything.  Even something material like a car!

I’ve been the emotional equivalent of a whirling dervish on crack since yesterday.  But I guess I’ve calmed down a lot since the actual event.  I’ve been paid, the car is gone, the deal is done (although I still imagine my car crying buckets of tears in some strange alien garage, with no lights, screaming out for daddy and wondering what it did to deserve being abandoned).  Sigh, I guess this exercise is good for me.  I remember when I was young, around grade 1, when we left our old house in Cubao, I was crying the whole day, saying goodbye personally to each individual object, from the trees to the aircons, to the doors, to EVERYTHING.  So during times of goodbye, I can’t help but become that little boy again.

So goodbye Xtri (hahaha, I know, lame nickname, right?), my trusty jalopy, my good buddy, my partner in crime.  You were my car when things turned for the better for me.  I guess it’s one of my secret fears; that you are some sort of lucky charm, and that once your gone, the good stuff go with you.  I hope your new owners take good care of you.  May the gods of machinery watch over you always.  And should the time come that we pass each other on some busy avenue somewhere, and we see each other with someone new, no need for fanfare, no need for scandalous honking, no need for frantic windshield wiping…just flicker your headlights briefly, dim and quick enough for no one else to notice, but I will, and it’ll suffice for me to know that you miss me too.

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