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We Filipinos, as compared to other nationalities, I believe take the most pleasure in making fun of not being able to speak proper English.  Japanese people don’t care if they speak broken English.  Chinese people couldn’t care less either.  Same goes with Europeans.  But since we love everything American, we deride countrymen who aren’t as adept in speaking our adopted second language.  You are somehow less in the eyes of most, if you make English grammatical errors.  Some even wear speaking in pidgin Tagalog as a badge of “sosy-ness”, but few would wave their bad English with pride.  Weird huh?  But let’s face it, we find it funny.

August 12, 2008 → The Top Ten “Mag-Tagalog Ka Na Lang!” Quotes – Agent 2B

1. Biboy Blue – While our teacher was swriting on the board, someone threw paper at him. He turned around and shouted, “Hudas dat person dat did dat?”
2. Beb Ni Tykes – When my mom was in a spa, the masseuse asked, “Swedish or Thai?” My mom answered, “I’m Pinoy!”
3. Honbee – When I arrived late at friend’s house, he asked, “Have you been eaten?”
4. Ferdz – From a high school classmate: “Simple problem you cannot solution? How can you graduation?”
5. Wowie – From a sosyalerang panget on a jeep: “Driver, payment!”
6. No name – An officemate during a meeting – “I second emotion!”
7. Sundowner – A beauty contestant when asked what would she advocate should she win: “I want to promote drug abuse!”
8. Sundowner – Same beauty contest, same question, different contestant: “I will donate trash to every barangay!”
9. Jose de vengenge – Host: “How will you describe the color blue to a blind man?” Beauty contestant: “Good question, keep it up! I thank you.”
10. Jose de vengenge – Host: “What makes you blush?” Beauty contestant: “Blush-on?”
11. Jose de vengenge – Host: “What is the youth’s biggest problem today?” Contestant: “Drugs.” Host: “Why?” Contestant: “Mahal eh!”
12. Scrambledegg – “You can fool me once, you can fool me twice, you can even fool me thrice, but you can never fool me four!”
13. Filthy Rich Beggar – An officemate arguing on the phone: “I called you three times! No ha, no ho!” (Ni ha, ni ho)
14. No name – My angry boss when I took half the day off: “Where did you been?”
15. Ishi – Our English teacher: “I have a son. My son is a boy.”
16. Astroboy – Dude 1: “What’s the difference between H2O and CO2?” Dude 2: “H2O is water, CO2 is COLD water!”
17. Astroboy – Teacher: “Define ethics.” Student: “Ethics are smaller than ducks.”
    
18. No name – Over the PA system at the airport: “Passengers please proceed to git it.  I ripit, git it.” (“gate 8″)
19. Dru – I get this all the time when I ask applicants: “How do you want me to call you?” Applicant: “Uhm…cellphone?”
20. Scully – A high school classmate: “We own a boutique.  You know, where you buy medicine?”
21. No name – When I introduced my twin sister to my high school teacher, she asked, “You’re twins? Since when?”
22. RhachaeL_Leigh – College professor: “What you are I was. What I am you will.”
23. Myra – When our secretary got a call looking for a lady who was in a meeting with the boss in his room, the secretary said, “She is inside her boss.”
24. No name – Calendar Girl: “I will win because I have da 3 “V’s”.  Vivacious, Vyootipul, Very Okay.”

Funny Ads

Just some funny commercials to lighten up your weekend.  The first one really cracked me up.  Enjoy!

“Signs”

I saw this video that a friend posted on Facebook, it’s a 12-minute film called, “Signs”, directed by Patrick Hughes.  It’s 12 minutes of sheer bliss.  I can’t post it though, it’s only post-able on Facebook, but you can view the film by clicking on this link.  Just click on the British flag icon to set the language to English, then enter, then click on “Signs”.  Even if you don’t enjoy it as much as I did, I can guarantee it’s at least an enjoyable 12 minutes spent. The teaser goes, “Where do you find love? If we knew, we would all know where to look. Sometimes all you need is a sign.” I have so much to say about the film, but I don’t want to give anything away until you’ve seen it.

Please watch it and tell me what you think. I love it to death.

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I’m not a fan of slang, but I can’t argue with language as a dynamic creature.  Some words I just loathe, no matter how widely used or accepted.  While some words I love, no matter how much purists fulminate against it.  That’s the beauty of language.

August 11, 2008 → The Top Ten Slang Words

1. Tcams – FAP: Futrue Abogadong Panget
2. Amber – kuala lumpur: lugar ng mga poor or squatters area.
3. Tani – Zagu: mga taong sipsip.
4. No name – Pasaload: officemates who pass their work load to co-workers.
5. No name – Pumpernickel: she’s so cheap you can pump her for a nickle.
6. Hannah – In our office we call a group of people “BeeGees”. Short for “balot gang”. Sila ang nauunang magpabalot ng food during xmas parties kahit di pa tapos ang party. Sad thing, they belong to the management team.
7. Aubree – MASDAK: maskuladong pandak.
8. Bilog – We call some couples who are successful w/ their careers but are having trouble in their marriages, “DIZO”, which means, “double income, zero orgasm”.
9. Bilog – We call hot guys who are stupid: FOXYMORON.
10. Astroboy – KGB: kung gabi, bakla.
11. Astroboy – DKNY: dede ko na yan!
12. Astroboy – Metrosexual: isang metro nalang, homosexual na!
13. Nympha – MacArthur: poop that comes back after flushing.
14. Jose de vengenge – Kolja Boy: Someone who “loves” himself a lot.
15. Jose de vengenge/Nympha – Mulmol: buhok sa nunal.

Ox Na Ox Sa 2009!

Happy Chinese New Year to you all!

2009 will be an interesting year for me.  It’s the year of the Earth Ox, and according to Chinese astrology, my sign, the sheep, will have the worst year of the 12 animals.  But on the other hand, according to Western astrology, my sign, Gemini, will have the most awesomely fantastic year!  So which is which?  Will my good Gemini fortune counteract my bad sheep luck?  Or will the sheep trample on whatever good tidings my Gemini stars bring?  Which side wins?

This is why, although I’m fascinated by astrology in general, I don’t really bite it hook, line, and sinker.  The romantic side of me believes in the general idea of destiny, in a sense that I can subscribe to the idea that I was destined to say, be a broadcaster for instance, but the logical side of me eschews the concept of rigid predestination, in a sense that everything I do is already set to unfold, regardless of what I do to change it.  That’s why it’s kismet in a way, that one of the entries in this morning’s Top Ten was a quote from Paolo Coelho saying something that goes in the vein of, the biggest lie in the world is that at some point you lose control of your destiny and surrender to fate.  I choose to believe that although we are “destined” to walk a certain path, the final word on the matter relies on what we do, and what we decide on a daily basis, one Sisyphean step at a time.  I don’t believe in a cruel God who would be so whimsical to have us walk the earth like wind-up zombies, playing out some celestial script, with no voice whatsoever as to the outcome.  We are born, we play the part assigned to us, and we die.  I choose to believe in a God who gives us the power to choose, to decide as to how our lives will unfold.  Of course I’m still somewhat old school when it comes to my belief that there are still omnipotent strings being pull by a Higher Power, but the strings are loose enough to give us sovereignty over our own lives.

So I don’t really sweat it when I read foreboding predictions, just as I don’t congratulate myself too much when the opposite is foretold.  I treat it as partly entertainment, partly curiosity, partly supernatural, partly parlor trick, and partly business venture.  Maybe the truth is a little bit of everything.  My goal is not to prove or debunk astrology.  My goal is to live my life as best as I know how.  And I will try my darnedest best to have a great year despite the odds.  2008 was a difficult year; I don’t plan to have another one of those in a long time.

So yesterday I ate my kiat-kiat, tonight I will pray to God, and tomorrow I will live like this is the best year EVER.

Fourground @ The Podium

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We’re now on the second part of our exhibit, “Fourground”, and we’ve moved from Shangri-la Mall to The Podium.  The Podium exhibit will feature a different set of photos.  This time around, we’re showing some travel photographs.  The Podium run started today, January 25, and will run until Saturday, January 31, at the 4th floor.

I wasn’t able to join the group in dismantling the Shangri-la exhibit, but I was able to join them later at the set-up in Podium.  It was a lot of work, fixing the panels, finding the right layout, putting up the new set of pics, etc.  We finished almost 4am!

I had quite an adventure midway into the set-up.  When I arrived at the mall, we ordered coffee at Starbucks, so I had a bladder full of caffeinated liquid as early as 11pm.  At around 2:30 am, the pressure on my bladder was unbearable!  I tried holding in the weewee until after we finished, but it was too herculean a task for my wimpy bladder.  The problem was, all the toilets in the ENTIRE mall were closed by that time.  The ONLY toilet open was at the level 5 BASEMENT!  So from the 4th floor, I’d have to go to the ground floor, then from there I’d have to go 5 more floors down.  I’d have to walk a total of 9 floors down just to pee!  It was a difficult decision.  I really needed to go badly, but it was a long way down, in a deserted mall, with most of the lights turned off.  I was so tempted to pay manong guard to accompany me, but whatever dignity I had left stopped me from doing so.  So I bit the bullet, and started my long trek down.

It wasn’t so bad walking down to the ground floor, with only the occasional yelp everytime I thought I saw a mannequin move.  From the ground floor, I had to go outside of the mall and walk down to the basement levels via the car ramp!  Not only was it creepy and devoid of any humanoid life form, but only the first 2 levels had any semblance of light!  From level 3 down, IT WAS PITCH BLACK.  It was either I pee in my pants on the ramp or I move on.  I took out my cellphone as my only source of light and walked down the ramps for three more levels, which felt like I was marching into the belly of Hades, and walked blindly around the 5th level looking for what seemed like a needle in a haystack.  Finally I found the toilet (which was a miracle in itself given that the whole basement floor was huge) and immediately drained the main vein, in what seemed like an eternity of pleasure.  After the adrenalin of having to pee went down, panic finally set in.  The walk back up was going to be a LONG one.  I took it one blind step at a time.  One floor became two, then three, and before I knew it I was back inside the mall, and into the safe company of my friends back on the 4th floor.  That was quite an adventure for a scaredy-cat like me.  Moments like those are what cheap horror B-movies are made of.  I was just glad I survived it.

That said, please check out our pictures at the Podium!

Adidas

Delle and I attended the pre-house party media event at the Adidas Originals concept store in Trinoma last January 16.  They’re celebrating their 60th anniversary with a house party on February 27 at the Embassy Super Club (which we will be going to), and the event last January 16 was like a pre-event.  Fran of Jumpstart was also there and it was cool being part of the event.  We ‘ll get to wear Adidas outfits during the house partyin Feb, but we also got to shop during last week’s event with big discounts.

So we’d like to thank Leah, Pauland, Cheche, Phoebe, Aljay, Pat, Kat, and KM of Primetime Creatives, the event organizer, and Jillian, Kath, Pam, Xavier, Nina, Mitch, Dianne, Connie, Aries, and Susan of Adidas Philippines for inviting us to be part of the event!

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I was never into sports as a kid.  But I could always swim like a fish.  However awkward I was on land, I was confident in the water.  It’s so sad that I discovered the joys of sports at an age when my body parts started to decide on retirement.  I got into wakeboarding, wall-climbing, underwater hockey, badminton…but too little, too late.  I was never known for moderation, so whatever sports I got into, I pushed my body too hard, and I always ended up injured in one way or another.  Sigh.

August 8, 2008 → The Top Ten Sports Quotes

1. No name – Andre Agassi: “I think we can either find excuses in life or we can find inspirations. I’ve always tried to find inspirations.”
2. Kobe Kong/Bottom Dweller/Biboy Blue - Michael Jordan: “There’s no ‘i’ in team, but there is in win.”
3. Pluralized lightning – “Aim not to defeat; aim to win.”
4. Argel – Grant Hill was asked about “His Airness”. He said: “If the word basketball is looked-up in a dictionary, right beside it should be Michael Jordan’s pic.”
5. Aries – Jerry West, LA Lakers legend: “You can’t get much done in life if you only work on days that you feel good.”
6. Highjumper – Steve Prefontaine: “To do anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”
7. Prof. Y - “He who wins the silver, lost the gold.”
8. Joey Tribbiani – In the movie Coach Carter, for student athletes: “‘Student’ comes first before ‘Athlete’”.
9. Awsom – Allen Ivers0n: “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
10. Gerver - Shaquille O’Neal: “I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, and wear Reebok.”
11. Purplerose – “The more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle.”
12. Bluish Pink – Gaby Dela Merced: “I’d like to think I’m where I’m at because I’m a good racer, not because I’m a good female racer.”
13. ACER – Dick Vertleib talking about basketball: “This is the 2nd most exciting indoor sport, and the other one shouldn’t have any spectators.”
14. No name – Steve Nash: ”Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality.”
15. JD Salinger: When Michael Jordan was about to retire, a reporter asked him what he’ll be doing after working. His reply “I have never worked in my entire life.”
16. Bennie – Dan Frisby: “Basketball is like photography, if you don’t focus, all you have is the negative.”
17. Putungtung’s dad – “No blood, no foul.”
18. Kebong – Tim Duncan: “You can’t feel the pleasure of the treasure without pressure.”
19. Junus – Highschool coach: “Para kayong bulb*l! Kung saan-saan nagpupunta!
20. Mr. Perk – Quotes from the greatest warriors – Julius Caesar: “I came. I saw. I conquered.” Manny Pacquiao: “I will fight iniwan. Iniwer. Initaym.

Videos I Like

Some of these are new, some not so new, some old, some VERY old, but I’ve been enjoying these videos the past couple of weeks.  Just like to share…

1)  This one is sooo funny! I swear, I couldn’t stop laughing, especially at “Lourdes”!  I was ROFLAN (rolling on the floor laughing and naked).

Madonna And Child

2)  This is a couple of months old, but I still get a kick out of it.  Not just the humor, but I’d actually put that song on my ipod!  It’s a wicked Pet Shop Boys dance knock-off!

Jizz In My Pants

3)  This was sent in as an entry to a Top Ten a couple of days ago.  Apparently it’s an ad for Mercedes Benz.  Awesome copy!

Mercedes Ad

4)  This is old.  The song was released way back in 2006, but I still can’t over how GOOD the video is.  Even after 2 years, it still kicks ass compared to many of the music videos today.  They won a Grammy for this video.  One of my all-time favorite videos. EVER.  Plus, the song rocks.

Here It Goes Again – OK Go

5)  The next 2 videos are TV news bloopers.  The first one is really old, but it still cracks me up every time.  The 2nd one I just came across while rummaging around for videos.  Funny!

The Best And The Rest 103

A euphemism is defined as: “the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt.”  Propriety dictates not so much propagating lies, but to gild less appetizing truths.  You don’t avoid the punches, you just soften the blow.  So in effect, you say, “malaki ang hinaharap”, instead of, “mala-papayang dede”.  Or something like that.

August 7, 2008 → The Top Ten Euphemisms

1. Caloy 311 – In our barkada, the term we use for girls who are hot, flirty and bitchy, is “subterranean”. It’s a euphemism for “sarap tirahin yan”.
2. Dyn – We had a prof in college who we called Pocahontas because she looks like a pokpok.
3. Astroboy – Percussive maintenance – the art of whacking an electronic device for it to work again.
4. JoeCool – He’s not losing hair, he’s gaining face!
5. Peo – Tagalog euphemism for panty its “salung-guhit”.
6. Astroboy – I’m not unemployed…I’m a job seeker!
7. DatgurL/Justin – When you’re called “BUTTERFACE”, it’s n0t a compliment. It’s short for – “Everything’s pretty BUT HER FACE.”
8. Daisy6 – During college, there were 2 girls we used call “wacky”, because their eyebrows were tattoos, they don’t have kilay. That’s why it’s “wacky” = “walang kilay”.
9. tyroncaliente – We call someone wearing tight pants, “boy piso”. Sa sikip ng pantalon, pati bigote ni rizal sa pisong nasa bulsa, nakabakat.
10. Astroboy – “Taong uy-ay”: Pag nakatalikod, “Uy!” Pag humarap, “Ay…”
11. No name – “PPPP” means, papalapit ng papalapit, papanget ng papanget.
12. Elanor – In Clueless, Cher said, “She’s a Monet. From far away it’s okay, but up close it’s a big old mess.”
13. John 090 – When someone asks about work, tell them, “Ayun, CEO pa din sa company namin.” CEO: Common Employee Only.
14. Mike Apol – We call ugly spinsters SAMSUNG: SAMa ng mukha, SUNGit pa!
15. No name – I used to call somebody PITA – Pain In The Ass.
16. Jose de vengenge – “Jackpot” – Pinay na may boyfriend na foreigner.
17. Dru – People with bad breath: “Foot In Mouth”.
18. Espeks/Kebong – Hindi siya janitor, sanitary engineer siya.
19. angpaghihimagsiknijoeshred – Every morning he woke up “pleasuring the pickle”.
20. scrambledegg – Sa Pinas, ang “straight acting”, “straight curious”, “straight tripper”, at “swinger”, isa lang ang ibig sabhin: “bakla”.
21. BertongTigaz – I call girls with very small boobs: “walanjo”, medium sized: “mejo”, big boobs: “mountain jo”.