The Best And The Rest 85

Every time the topics get a bit “green” on the show, and not in the environmental way, many parents tell us they sweat bullets trying to explain to the little kids why they were laughing at what we said.  This is one of the hazards of parenthood, how to explain to very young minds something that they’re really WAY too inexperienced to even be asking about.  Nothing wrong about sex, it’s just too nuanced a topic to try to spell out for saplings.

July 4, 2008 → The Top Ten Ways To Explain The Birds And The Bees To Kids

1. Louise – “Anak, alam mo, ganito yun. Si Daddy, may uod. Si Mommy, may lupa. Pag inuod ang lupa, magbubunga. Ikaw yun.”
2. GeLengZan – Every time my mom ask what’s wrong with me, my 12-yr-old daughter replies, “Kulang sa SEX.”
3. Hanazawa Rui – “Si mommy may sakit. Madalas siya mag-bleed. Nag-inject si daddy ng gamot. Nawala yung bleeding, kaya lang may side effect: ikaw.”
4. Maximo – “Para lang yan mga workers, labas-pasok sa trabaho. After 9 months, lalabas ang fruit of their labors.”
5. Dru – “Pag itong okra naging talong, tapos inipit mo siya sa sariwang repolyo, may lalabas na togue at dagta.”
6. The Design8d Driver – “Anak, si mommy may bibingka. Si daddy naman may itlog na maalat. Pag pinatong ni daddy yung itlog niya sa bibingka ni mommy, magiging ’special’ na ito.”
7. Maximo – “Si mommy kasi, kain ng kain ng hotdog. Kaya ayan, lumaki ang tiyan niya sa sobrang busog.”
8. Roni – “Ang mommy mo kasi, nag-pakwan.  Ayun, nabuntis!  Kaya ikaw, wag kang magpa-pakwan!
9. KiD BuKid – “It’s when the girl should’ve said ‘NO! DON’T! STOP, NOW!’ to her boyfriend. But she ended up saying, ‘No, don’t stop now!’”
10. Mr. Perk – “Yun yung gusto pa gawin ni Lola, pero hindi na kaya ni Lolo.”
11. Dru – “Imagine a beautiful flower, blossoming in the early sun, moist with morning dew, petals swaying slowly in the wind. Now, imagine a penis and a vagina next to it…”
12. Mockbuster – When my officemate’s 6-year-old son asked her how he got into her tummy, she told him that his daddy pushed him in.  When her son asked how his daddy pushed, she answered, “Hard, and over and over and over…”
13. Espeks – “Ewan, basta tinuruan ako ng mommy mo na kumain ng pechay…”
14. Maximo – “Pag yung kalbo, dumura sa loob ng tiyan ng mommy mo.”
15. Jose de vengenge – “Yan yung pag kinukudkod ni papa ang niyog ni mama.”
16. Cheyenne – “Just like what Don McLean sang, it’s when Daddy’s sweet fishes comes in your Mommy’s lovelake!”
17. Maximo – When a kid caught his parents in the act, the parents tried to explain. Dad: “Anak, ipinapasok ko lang yung ‘kotse’ ko sa loob ng garahe ni mommy.” Kid: “Dad, ipasok mo pa ng mabuti kasi nakalabas pa yung dalawang gulong sa likod.”
18. Purplerose – “Yun yung ginagawa ni mommy at daddy pagkatapos nila mag-away.”
19. Aston martin- “Naglalaro kami ng horsey-horsey kaya ayun, nagka pony kami!”
20. Geyp – “As the saying goes, “Love sucks, but true love swallows!”
21. Maverick/Ian024 – “Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restroom of that cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad’s memory stick. When dad finished uploading we discovered we did not use a firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus.”