The Best And The Rest 78

Everyone farts. Let’s get that out of the way. Even those prim and proper sosy girls go, “yuck, utooot,” the fact remains…they fart. Everyone farts.  So everyone who complains that it’s a gross topic is probably understandably indignant, but let’s face it…everyone farts.  Some just own up to it more.  Like the following people:

June 20, 2008 → The Top Ten Fart Moments

1. Chrys – I was in a jeep when somebody farted. The conductor said, “yung umutot hindi pa nagbabayad!” Then someone from the back said, “Hindi mo pa nga ako sinusuklian!” Everybody laughed out loud!
2. No name – While watching TV, my nephew goes “Hmmm…sarap, amoy itlog!” His older brother goes, “Oops…utot ko yun.”
3. No name – Back in high school in the 80′s, my seatmate and I called a silent fart, ” Careless Whisper”. We called a loud one, “Shout”.
4. Mulangot – Once we were in a coffee shop, and while the waiter was getting our orders, he said, “We have milk, tea, juice…” Then a loud sound came from behind him, “Pruuooot!” Then he said, “Sorry, that last one is out of stock.”
5. Darna – My whole family was watching TV together, when suddenly I farted.  It was so bad that my sister reacted, “Ate, tae na yan eh!”
6. Mabie-Nge – Back in college, The moment I got home, I let out a deadly silent one. My youngest brother said, ” Wow ate, may uwi kang steak?”
7. Idu – I was on a bus and had kabag. I decided to fart to the beat of the loud music.  After, I realized I was listening to my ipod.
8. No name – While teaching, the teacher sensed that he was about to fart, so he dropped all the books on the table and shouted, “BALELENG!” Problem is, nauna yung bagsak sa utot, so ang sound, “BALELENG! Poooooot!”
9. Moron – Naghaharutan sa class, so when the teacher arrived, tumahimik lahat.  Then someone poked me sa side, so bigla akong nautot ng malakas. I accidentally blurted out, “Virgin pa kasi ako eh!”
10. Bwitching – My husband was in an elevator with one other guy when a stinking utot smell came. The other guy gave him an accusing look. But my husband didn’t fart! Sa inis niya, he blurted to the guy, “Alangan namang maglolokohan pa tayong dalawa dito!”
11. Meanestgirlever – My tita arrived in the condo she shared with her college friends.  She had a bad stomach so she went straight to the toilet, locked the door, then farted loudly for a whole minute straight.  Then she hears whispers from behind the shower curtain.  Apparently, her friends were all hiding in the shower to give her a surprise party.
12. Amber – My oficemate was at the grocery when she saw her super kulit suitor. She tried to avoid him. Thinking she lost him already, she let out a very deadly fart not realizing he was right behind her. The guy told her, “Ang lupit, tumambay sa ilong!” They’re now married w/ a kid.
13. Roo – In school I farted then I had no choice but to apologize because the sound pointed only to me. Later I farted again, but denied it thinking I could blame the 2nd one on somebody else.  My friends said, “Paanong hindi ikaw, eh pareho ang amoy!”
14. Myles – I saw my mom running to the toilet in small hurried steps.  When I asked her what was wrong, she said, “Akala ko’y utot lamang…”
15. Yñaki – My friend, while courting a girl, suddenly farted that made the girl laugh so loud! Ayun, sa sobrang tawa, lumobo tuloy yung sipon nung girl! In the end, sila rin dalawa ang nagkatuluyan!
16. Anjiedy – My hubby was in an office building elevator, when he felt like fartng. He faked a cough to cover the sound. Upon getting off, he heard someone say, “Ano bang ubo yun, amoy utot!”
17. Em-em Unggoy – There were no gasoline stations then. On a bus trip to the north we had to stop beside a rice field for bathroom breaks. During one stop, an old lady took a pee in the field, then farted. Somebody blurted out: “Ay, si lola nautot!” She replied: “Ganoon talaga amang, pagkatapos ng ulan, kumukulog.”

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