Everyone’s got a waiter story. This was one of the Top Tens that I wished we did when we were doing a 4-hour shift because there were just so many good entries. My friends from college had tons of waiter anecdotes, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember any of them.

April 18, 2008 → The Top Ten Waiter Moments

1. Creature-Jo – In a resort while ordering for lunch, we asked the waiter what their specialty was, and he answered what sounded like, “stupid pusit”. When we asked him to describe it, he pointed the item on the menu: “stuffed pusit”.
2. No name – I went to a turo-turo to buy tapsilog. I told the waitress my order & she replied, “mam, stereo po ba?’. I got confused & askd her, “ano yun?”. She took out a styro plate & told me, “mam, eto po. Pag takeout, nilalagay namin sa stereo-powm”.
3. Inew – A friend ordered coffee, “Miss, isang coffee without creamer”. The waitress answered “Sir, wala kaming creamer. Milk ang gamit namin. Ok lang ba sa inyo kung coffee without milk nalang?”
4. Mar Tin – Dad: (reading the menu) “Miss may EVAT na ba tong nasa menu nyo?” Waitress: “Excuse me ha! Malinis tong restaurant namin, noh!”
5. P135 – An officemate submitted a travel expense report with a meal receipt that said, “adobong faucet”.
6. No name – Waiter approaches our table and politely asks my dad: “Are you done, sir?” My dad, looking confused, replied hesitantly: “No…I’m Daniel…”
7. JT – My very fat and sweaty friend ordered from the waiter, “Isang lechon manok, dalawang order ng chicken skin, apat na stick ng isaw, dalawang stick ng tenga ng baboy, isang sisig…AT…isang Diet Coke.” The waiter was shocked and said, “Ano, nagda-diet kayo?!?”
8. Highlycharismatic – I called the waiter and said, “Bakit ganito ang ulam, walang lasa! Wala ba kayong cook dito?” The waiter replied, “Wala po kameng COOK dito, PIPSE lang! PIPSE!”
9. No name – A friend ordered chicken in a resto. When he got his order, he found that there was no fork. So he asked the waitress, “Ba’t walang fork?” The lady answered angrily, “Ba’t ka naghahanap ng fork, eh diva cheeken ang order mo?”
10. No name – I am working in a restaurant as a waitress. One day, I had a foreigner guest w/ his Filipina girlfriend. The foreigner ordered first, “One rib eye steak, medium.” Then the Filipina ordered, “Rib eye steak also, small.”
11. Mar Tin – Dad w/ friends entering a not-so-wholesome pub. Dad: “Ano ba ‘tong lugar na ‘to, kadiri naman!” Waiter: “Bossing! Same table?”
12. Superstarfish – When I was in a hotel in Cebu, I ordered pistachio ice cream. Pagdating, it was ube ice cream. When I asked the waitress kung bakit ube yung dinala niya, she told me plainly, “Wala na kaming pistachio, at parang mas bagay sa inyo ang ube…”
13. J.Li – After paying at a fast food, the cashier cheerfully said, “Here’s your BELL, enjoy your MELL!”
14. Belekoy – We asked for an official receipt and the waitress asked, “Ma’am ano pong ilalagay sa receipt?” And I said, “Blanko nalang.” The waitress came back with the OR and written on it, “Ms. Blanco”.
15. No name – One summer in Pangasinan, our yaya ordered, “PANKIK and BEEKON”. When the food arrived, it was hot tea and pancit bihon.
16. Jacq-jacq - One night at a fast food counter, I ordered, “Isang Meal B…” The girl started screaming, “Si Sam Milby?!? Saan?”
17. Missed – We asked the waiter, “Anong meron kayo?” The waiter started scratching his butt and replied, “Ser…almoranas po, eh…”
18. Mama Mia – While working in an exclusive golf club as duty manager, an arrogant member ordered an omelet. When his order came, he looked at it and shouted “May bangaw sa omelet ko!” Our waiter, knowing how much of a complainer he is, went to his table with a fork, got what he was pointing to, and ate it. The waiter then said, “Ser, hindi po bangaw! Bawang!” Satisfied, the customer continued eating. Later, I talked to the waiter and asked him, “Bawang ba talaga?” The waiter started crying, “Ma’am, bangaw nga!!!”
19. Jem-O – I was ordering at a Mexican resto: “One burrito, please.” Waitress: “Ma’am ano pong feeling?” Me: “Ano, deep inside?”
20. CHESA – I ordered Mountain Dew but the waiter brought the wrong drink. I asked him, “Ano ‘to?” He answered, “Diba umorder kayo ng Mango Joo?”
21. Jose de vengenge – A friend, as we were ordering, noticed the waiter’s huge bulge. She was so focused on it, that when the waiter asked for her order, she blurted out, “Isang nilagang bakat…”