The Best And The Rest 34

If I’m not mistaken, this was the first boardwork we had since Holy Week, I was fresh from Malapascua, and Delle just transferred to her new apartment, hence the Top Ten topic. It’s always tough choosing a place to live in; you never know what went on there before you came along. If only the walls could talk, what tales it would tell….

March 24, 2008 → The Top Ten Signs That Something’s Wrong With Your New House

1. LOipogi – Kapag yung mga next door neighbor mo, hindi kumakain ng garlic, wala silang philtrum (yung indentation sa taas ng upper lip just below the nostrils), tapos yung image mo sa kanilang mga mata, inverted.
2. Maynman - When in a span of 4 months, 2 people have committed suicide in your building. There’s this building in taft where this happened last year.
3. Pancake – Kapag may tumatawag in the middle of the night para makisuyo sa kapitbahay mo.
4. Hanazawa Rui – When you wake up one evening seeing the villagers gathering around your house and dressed up in black cloaks.
5. No name – I didn’t believe in my cousin’s account of ghost sightings in our apartment until I found out that the place was just renovated and used to be a funeral parlor.
6. McMaki – If neighbors welcome you with dishes of dinuguan, bopis, inihaw na bituka at papaitan.
7. Hanazawa Rui/Joeshred/Shining – When you see stains in the ceiling or wall that cannot be removed and resembles a human figure.
8. Ruelski – If on your first night to sleep there, you here someone whispering in your ear, “Get out!”
9. Shining – This happened to my Korean student. When she finally found the perfect apartment, a week later, she started receiving Post-its on her door. The 1st one said, “Hi, you look so pretty. My name’s Andrew”. Two days after, another note said, “You look so pretty in your white skirt”. It went on for weeks.
10. YñaKì – If a common sight in your neighborhood are those long, yellow tapes that say, “Police line. Do not cross.”
11. KiD BuKid – If all day and night, you hear mixing of mahjong tiles sa kapitbahay niyo, at hindi na nawalan ng patay na pinaglalamayan!
12. Kunying – If you find a hidden room in your house full of horrifying things in it — like walls full of pornographic pics, books on how to create bombs, a corner with chains, whips and…blood!
13. Eylek – Kapag laging New Year sa kapitbahay niyo. As in laging amoy putok.
14. Jigs – Kapag lagi kang binibigyan ng sponge bath at pinapalitan ng shorts ng roomate mo everytime nalalasing ka. At lagi ka niyang nilalasing!
15. Duvessa – If you start seeing “housemates” in your house.
16. Twinka - When I was in college, we just moved into this apartment. A few weeks after came Valentine’s Day. My landlord, an old creepy guy, secretly gave my roommate a bouquet of roses, and the card read: “From: BATMAN”. We just had to move out.
17. Gorgeous Bitch – If you live alone, but you hear stuff like, “Nandito lang ako sa likod mo…”
18. Jigs – Laging baha kahit hindi umuulan.
19. Lara – Kung puro kamalasan ang nangyayari sa inyo after moving in, just like what happened to my sister. After moving into their new house, hirap na hirap sila sa money, they both got sick, even my parents who didn’t live in the house. Lumipat na lang sila ng bahay, and after a month, everything went okay na. Freaky!
20. öta – We got robbed on the first day we moved in, then I lost my side mirror twice, and my car’s window got smashed, all within a month in our new neighborhood.
21. SPY Shadow – If your “neighbors” love to enter through your “back door” instead of the front.
22. Rhyme – I moved into my boyfriend’s house a year ago and I didn’t have good vibes in it when I 1st entered the door step. I found out the reason on my 1st night. When I went to the bathroom, I thought I saw the whole floor was moving. When I switched on the lights there were cockroaches swarming all over the floor! The next day we had a major house cleaning.
23. Aeon- If you always catch the village lesbian, who lives next door, checking out your gorgeous wife.
24. Joeshred – Kapag dugo ang lumalabas sa gripo.
25. Dru – If you’re in the bathroom brushing your teeth, then you look in the mirror, and your reflection is just staring at you with bloodshot eyes, smiling.
26. Joeshred – Kapag may nakita kang mga hidden camera sa ilalim ng mesa, sa may kama, at sa toilet.
27. Cyber – If the ghost in your old house missed you so much, that it decided to move into your new home.

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