The Best And The Rest 28

Arrogance is amusing as long as you’re not the recipient. So let’s enjoy these from a vantage point that’s far enough for it to be funny. And let’s hope we’re never on the receiving end of such statements. braggarts and blowhards are never fun to be with.

March 7, 2008 → The Top Ten Most Arrogant Statements You’ve Ever Heard

1. No name – I heard another manager scolding one of her staff, “Kung pwede lang, ibu-bluetooth ko utak ko sa ‘yo para di ka na nagkakamali!”
2. G – I once told my boyfriend’s ex, with whom he has a child, “Naanakan ka lang niya, pero ako ang mahal niya!”
3. Tey – When we were architecture students from PUP and we were during research of hospital designs, we went to East Ave. hospital for our case study. A hospital staff told us, “Sorry, taga-UP lang ang tinatanggap namin dito.”
4. MNEMONIC – I asked my rich classmate in high school where the nearest gas station was. He said, “Sa labas ng village may gas station kang makikita. Magpa-full tank ka pero don’t pay. Amin yun.”
5. Eliteblood – We were a group of friends in a call center and we snuck some food in the office. When another officemate asked for some, one of us shouted, “GET AWAY TO DAT DEAD HUNGRY!” (Lumayo kayo sa patay gutom na yan!)
6. No name – While going out of the plane after my flight back to Manila on business class, I told my friends in a very urgent tone, “Bilisan niyo, nandiyan na ang mga economy!!!”
7. Amy – I once told a very close friend nung nagpapaturo siya sa isang subject na very easy, “Hay naku, buti pa ang bulalo, may utak.”
8. LOipogi – A flamboyant gay officemate was stuck in traffic, when a teenage beggar approached him for alms. When he refused to give, the beggar yelled, “Bakla!” My enraged officemate opened his car window and retorted, “Pulubi!”
9. Momgen – My daughter graduated from pre-school at the top of her class. Unfortunately, some parents questioned it. Sa inis ko, pinakita ko lahat ng perfect test ng anak ko sabay sabing, “Intelligence is in the genes. Kung wala sa lahi niyo, pasensiya na lang.” (I felt bad after sayng it)
10. No name – I went to a music store in Makati to inquire about equipment that I needed. While finalizing the transaction, may pumasok na foreigner. The attendant left me to attend to the foriegner. Sa inis ko, I called the manager, told him what happened, then said, “You just lost a 70k transaction against a 35 peso adaptor.”
11. Pia – My friend once said, “Hindi naman ako panget, ah!” So I told her, “Hindi ka panget, pero hindi ka rin maganda…”
12. Hazelnut – At a party, we talked about a girl who graduated Summa Cum Laude in FEU. While everybody was impressed, I, who was a UP graduate, blurted out, “Ang equivalent ng Summa Cum Laude nila, Cum Laude namin.”
13. No name – A proctor once said, “Am I talking too fast, or are you thinking too slow?”
14. Idu – We saw Aga Mulach in a shoot. I ask my good-looking friend, “Ano kaya ang feeling ng super guwapo, super yaman at super sikat?” He answered with all seriousness, “Mahirap…ang hirap-hirap…”
15. Dark Fader – We asked a rich college friend to go with us to a friend’s house. Before we left, he asked how we’ll get there so we said we’ll commute. He asked, “What’s…commute ?”
16. Shining – My rich friend’s dad rode a bus. After having asked the conductor several times how much the fare was, the conductor said, “Para naman kayong walang pinag-aralan.” So my friend’s dad replied, “Iho, kung wala akong pinag-aralan, eh di konduktor lang din sana akong katulad mo…”
17. No name – Manila Standard & People Asia columnist Malu Fernandez wrote that she wanted to slash her wrists when she learned she’d be stuck in a plane full of OFWs. She said it was a “private hell” God designed for her, and it was like “being trapped in a sardine can w/ all these OFWs smelling of Axe and Charlie Cologne while my Jo Malone evaporated into thin air.”
18. Gabriel Knight – My boss once said, “Being stupid is a privilege of humans because we’re not perfect. But please, do not abuse that privilege.”
19. Felicity – After a fight with an ex, he told me, “Lie down naked and make bawi.”
20. Diemyrus – A friend went to a skin and facial clinic inquiring about their services. She was told point blank, “You cannot afford me.” The owner is the mother of two laos actresses, one of which is a Brunei reject because the Sultan thought she was gay.
21. Vi – A neighbor told her kids, “Don’t play with the squatters, baka ma-tetano kayo!”
22. No name – During UAAP/NCAA games, some students shout things like, “Ang tuition niyo, baon ko palang!” or “Ang driver ko, alumni niyo!”
23. Supervillain – My friend was telling me about this girl in her class who kept boasting that she was a scholar, making the others feel inadequate. So when I met her, true enough she said, “I’m a scholar.” I told her, “Ay, poor ka?”
24. LOipogi – Quote from Imelda Marcos: “I get so tired of listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there. It’s so petty.”
25. LOipogi – Another quote from Imelda Marcos: “Win or lose, we go shopping after the elections.”

Taal Crater (P. 1)

First of all, the main reason my photo buddies Greg, Lennie, Fritzie and I decided to take an impromptu trip to Taal was to test out our spankin’ brand new ultra wide angle lenses (UWA)! Our friend Lennie chose to get a Tokina lens, while our friend Greg and I went for Sigma lenses, mainly because it’s the best one that works with our cameras, without being too expensive. Here’s mine, the Sigma 10-20mm!

Basically, this lens gets a wider view, perfect for landscapes and wide vistas! So keep in mind that the whole trip was to test out our new uwa lenses. Therefore, expect all my photos to have ultra wide angles and none of the close ups I use to love shooting so much.

We left Manila around 9am Sunday morning and drove straight to Tagaytay. Surprisingly, there was very little traffic so we got there faster than scheduled. We stopped over at Gourmet’s Cafe for an early lunch.

We were so excited to use our new lenses that we started shooting the most obvious of subjects: each other! Here’s a shot of us not realizing that we all had the same idea of shooting each other. There’s a bit of distortion with lenses this wide, but we kinda like it, even if it bends a bit at the sides.

After a yummy meal, we drove to Talisay, going down, down, down, until we were at lake level and after about 30 minutes, we got to the Taal Yacht Club, where we booked a boat to take us to the foot of the volcano. The resort had lots of water crafts, most of which were a hoot to shoot:

Of course guests had to follow the rules…

After a few minutes of shooting the various kinds of floats and boats, we cast off on a bangka and went on another 30 minute ride, this time on water. Eventually we got to the foot of the volcano and we learned that the volcano that we most commonly refer to as “Taal volcano” is actually not the crater anymore. It’s called, “Binintian” and it’s just basically a rock with lots of grass and trees. The real crater is kilometers up the land mass we landed on. You can’t see it from Tagaytay. Once we landed, we proceeded to the town by the shore to pay fees and stuff. I just wish they didn’t abbreviate the word “association” in the sign that greeted visitors at the entrance of the town:

Then…we started our 4 kilometer trek up the volcano. At the start of the trail, we were barraged with vendors left and right, selling everything from hats for protection against the harsh sun, face masks for protection against the tons of fine volcanic dust, and horseback rides to ferry us all the way to the top. They were issuing stern warnings, like harbingers of impending doom. They kept telling us over and over and over about how we couldn’t handle the long trek to the top. Here’s a typical conversation:

THEM: “Ser, sakay na kayo ng kabayo, di niyo kakayanin yan!”

US: “Kaya namin yan!”

THEM: “Tignan natin….”

The four horsemen of the apocalypse kept on following us like vultures waiting for us to drop dead from exhaustion. Every step we take, they would mildly taunt us about how we were still soooooooo far from the top and how we might as well ride now since it’s inevitable that we will succumb to fatigue. Another typical dialogue:

US: “‘Wag na kayo sumunod, kaya na namin ‘to!”

THEM: “Just in case, ser….”

But I have to admit, being the old fogey in the bunch, I was tempted to ride a horse from the very start since I was fresh from wimpsville and didn’t care for hiking that much to begin with. And it was D-U-S-T-Y!!!

Most of the time we were wheezing despite covering our air passages with whatever cloth we had on our bodies. Just after a few minutes, we were cakey with mud made of volcanic dust and our sweat. Eventually we left the enclosed dusty trails and found ourselves in the wide open spaces near the top. It was quite breathtaking…

But enough was enough. Who was I kidding? I set my ego aside for the benefit of my buckling knees, swallowed my manly pride, and admitted defeat. I beckoned for the nearest horseman, and asked to be loaded upon a horse — any horse! They plopped me onto the saddle like a lumpy sack of potatoes.

ME: “Anong pangalan mo? “

HORSEMAN: “Raul. “

ME: “Eh yung kabayo? “

HORSEMAN: “Giancarlo.” (Naks!)

Raul & Giancarlo

Apparently, a lot of tourists chose foolishly, just like us, to walk up the whole 4 kilometers. Of course I copped out more than halfway through, but many of them, a lot who were older than me, pushed on all the way to the top, despite the trail, with every step, getting progressively steep. Or as one tourist exclaimed, “Oh my, how stiff naman!”

The last stretch was the steepest and most perilous. Some of my buddies had to be pulled up because they were drained of every drop of strength still left in their bodies. Of course Giancarlo bore my full weight so I was sitting pretty by then. Even a horse had a difficult time navigating the steep rocks. Eventually, I got to the point where horses were no longer allowed. So I alighted, and started walking up a stairway made of tilapia feed sacks filled with soil — the final stretch:

And at the top of the stairs…

the prize…

(To be continued…)

The Best And The Rest 27

I remember countless teachers who proffered the adage, “There’s no stupid question”, but even if that were the case, for sure there are stupid answers. Where do I even start…

March 6, 2008 → The Top Ten Worst Answers To A Question

1. Thea’s Dad – In high school, our English teacher asked my classmates to give a sentence. A classmate answered, “mother baked a cake.” The teacher got irritated and asked, “wala ka na bang alam na ibang sentence? Our classmate answered “mother baked another cake?”
2. No name – An unidentified person texted me so I replied, “who r u?” He replied, “this is me, is dat u?”
3. Wilson – When I was about 10 yrs old, me and my dad went to the cemetery, and I noticed 2 initials R.I.P and D.O.M. in the same tombstone. I asked my dad, “Ano po ibig sabihin ng R.I.P?” He answered, “Rest In Peace.” Then I asked, “eh yung D.O.M.?” He paused, and said, “Don’t Open Me.”
4. Powerful Alice – I once asked an officemate, “Naku, paano na yan, delikado daw ang mga cute diyan sa may Crossing!”. He retorted, “Wag kang mag-alala…safe ka.”
5. Happy Dorothy – Our teacher said, “Class, our lesson for today is science. What is science?” A student answered, “…our lesson for today?”
6. Lucas – Sa Divisoria, the saleslady asked, “Ano pong sa inyo sir?” I answered, “Siyempre hindi kagaya nung sa ‘yo!”
7. No name – One day my dad and I wer walking in our village. A tricycle stopped and the driver said, “Tricycle?” My dad looks at the tricycle then says, “Oo nga, noh?”
8. Beng – My aunt asked me, “Dust pan ko?” I thought she was asking about my exams, so I answered, “Sa Chemistry.” She then proceeds to go to the atis tree to check, comes back and says, “Wala naman eh!” Then I replied, “Bukas pa!”
9. Shining – One of my Korean students went to Canada knowing only the most basic of English. One day, he was hit by a car while riding his bike. The driver asked him, “How are you?” My student replied, “I’m fine, thank you. And how are you?”
10. Shiela – We asked an applicant, “Why should we hire you?” He answered, “Because you have an opening and I need a job?”
11. Joanna – I once asked a friend, “Anong sa palagay mo?” Ang sagot: “Ewan, di ako mapalagay eh!”
12. No name – In a resto, the receptionist asked my dad “Ilan po sila?” My dad quickly replied “Ako isa, sila ewan ko.”
13. No name – A judge in a beauty contest asked a contestant, “Why did you join this contest?” The contestant answered, “Me? Join contest? Thank you.
14. Adrian – I onced asked someone, “How long have you been a magician?” He answered, “Sometimes 1 minute, sometimes 2 minutes…”
15. Jowie – My friend asked the question and answered it herself. Question: “Ano ngang tawag dun sa lips na red? ” Answer: “Ah…red lips.”
16. Marcus- My brother and I were eating pansit. After a few spoonfuls I said, “Bakit parang lasang panis?” My brother chimed in, “Oo nga, at bakit ang konti?”
17. Syudin – In a quiz show, the contestant was asked, “Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?” The contestant answered, “Saging!”
18. Loipogi – During a pageant – Host: “I heard you almost didn’t make it here on time. Did you walk or did you ride?” Candidate: “Of course did you ride! What do you think of me, did you walk?”
19. Howe – In an 80’s show, the host asked an actress, “Are you aware of the current political problems we have?” The actress answered, “I’m afraid not.” The host asked another actress, “How about you?” The other actress replied, “Naku tito, I’m afraid also.”
20. No name – I work in a call center for DSL internet connection. I asked a customer, “Why are you cancelling your service?” He complained, “Nobody told me I needed a computer to connect to the internet.”
21. Zhe Archer – One of my colleagues asked a claimant for benefits, “When is your birthday?” The claimant answered, “Between 1946 & 1947.”
22. Camie 28 – One day I asked my busmate, “Why?” She answered, “Because!” I asked again, “Because…?” And she answered, “Why?”
23. Imay Anna – I asked someone, “Anong jeep ang sasakyan ko?” Ang sagot, “Siyempre yung may gulong.”
24. Rx addict – KOYA: “Inday, nasaan na ang soap maliligo na ako!” INDAY: “Koya, iniinit pa po!” KOYA: “Ang soap, iniinit?!?” INDAY: “Opo, ang know-dell soap!”
25. No name – I asked our yaya, “Anong isda yan?” She answered, “Yung lumalangoy…”
26. Loipogi – I finally asked a friend we have long suspected to be gay, “Are you gay?” He replied: “Only if you are…”
27. cbboating – I once asked an MMDA officer, “Saan po papunta sa Wack-Wack golf and country club?” He answered, “Mula dito sa Shangri-la, derecho lang, tawid ka ng flyover, tapos pagbaba ng flyover tanong ka ulit sa MMDA.”
28. Morenang Kaligatan – Overheard in a restroom: Girl 1: “May tissue ka?” Girl 2: “Wala, ikaw meron?”
29. No name – Conversation between 2 guys: Guy 1: “Pare anong ibig sabihin ng ‘coincidence’?” Guy 2: “Pare ewan, pero weird, yan din iniisip ko ngayon!”
30. Izel – When I asked my friends, ‘”Sinu-sino kayo diyan?” They answered, “Kami-kami…”
31. Roni – One time I asked a classmate, “Bakit wala ka kahapon?” He answered, “kasi absent ako eh…”
32. No name – Overheard conversation: Guy 1: Bumili ka ng laptop? Anong brand?” Guy 2: “Brand new!”
33. Marcus - We were in Ateneo looking over the Marikina valley view. Manila memorial park was very visible so I asked a pal, “Ilan kaya ang patay diyan?” He answered, “Lahat.”
34. Rodel – A teacher asked, “Sino ang gustong pumunta ng heaven?” A classmate answered, “Ma’am, gagabihin po ba tayo?”
35. Jose de Vengenge – In a gay beauty pageant, a contestant was asked, “What do you think is the root of all our economic and political crisis?” The contestant answered angrily, “Ano ba ‘to, beauty contest o quiz bee?”
36. Jose de Vengenge – True story. I once asked a female classmate, “Uy, gusto mong sumali sa paluwagan?” Her answer? “Ay…di ako pwede…virgin pa ko, eh.”

www.gjaysworld.org

Just last April 4, 2008, 7-year-old Jose Gabriel Dela Rosa, or Gjay as he was called, was in the United States for the first time, with his family, and he was excited to visit Disneyland, Universal Studios and other theme parks. In the afternoon of their very first day in the U.S., he was walking with his family on a sidewalk in Pasadena. When suddenly, a car that collided with another car, careened up the sidewalk where the Dela Rosa family were, crushing Gjay and his family. His mother Chichi sustained moderate injuries, his dad Peewee suffered major injuries, while little Gjay, unfortunately, succumbed to his fatal injuries and passed away.

The hospital he was brought to was deluged with outpourings of sympathy, people from all walks of life asking how they could help. Employees said they’d never seen such a response from people wanting to send flowers or any type of help. A foundation was immediately set up for the family where donations could be sent in.

His mother Chichi left a comment on this blog and when I visited the blog that his uncle set up for the family, an inescapable sadness gripped my heart. I could not even dare approximate the grief that his family went through, losing a vibrant young child, so full of promise, with a life lived to the fullest, abruptly and summarily denied. I don’t know the Dela Rosa family personally, but my heart broke many times as I read through the messages on their blog. It was as if someone put my heart in a vise and started tightening it more and more as I got to know this little boy, and the tragedy seemed progressively more cruel the more you get a peek at how great the loss must have been to those who loved him the most.

His mom said that they would always listen to the Morning Rush during their drive to La Salle Greenhills, where Gjay would have been an incoming Grade 2 student, and Chichi recounted how she would text us to greet Gjay and his ate Alexa. She was asking for prayers and support for this most difficult of times. So if you want to get to know more about this brave little angel, as recounted by his family and friends, and if you want to reach out to the Dela Rosa family in any capacity you choose, check out www.gjaysworld.org .

To Chichi, thank you for sharing with us your story, and you have our deepest sympathies and prayers. We never got to know Gjay, but knowing that somehow we spent our mornings together truly breaks my heart. I wish you all the grace that you need to soldier through this. And I pray for the quick and speedy recovery of your husband Peewee.

And to Gjay, wherever you may be, and we know you’re in a good and gentle place, know that in the very little time you spent on earth, you brought so much happiness to the people whose lives you’ve touched. The immeasurable amount of sorrow that your family and friends are feeling, now that you’re gone, is every drop commensurate to the joy that you’ve brought to their lives. It’s a pity we never met, but since you only know me as someone from the radio, allow me to play you one last song. The title says it all, it’s Michael Jackson’s “Gone Too Soon”. Sleep well, Angel Gabriel…

The Best And The Rest 26

I’ve always loved mysteries. My favorite book even as a child was Hardy Boys and I loved the TV series “In Search Of” hosted by Mr. Spock himself, Leonard Nimoy. It discussed the different myths like Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, the Bermuda Triangle, UFO’s, and the like. There’s something that’s so appealing to me about questions in which the answers are so out of reach. Everytime I hear a good unsolved mystery, it still sends delicious shivers down my spine! Not a good idea though, because I’m posting this late at night, when I’m all alone in my room…not good….

March 3, 2008 → The Top Ten Most Mysterious Thing That Ever Happened To You

1. Ginger Babes – My friend and I went to pee in a public toilet, when we heard the sound of someone sobbing in one of the cubicles. We checked later and we were the only ones in the toilet.
2. Malamig – My ex-girlfriend had a weird relationship with a girl from the province, Michelle, long before we met. She told me that they had a strange connection. Many times my ex would say Michelle would come to visit us in a day or so. No letter, no email, no phone call, no pagers. And when I ask her how she knows, she says she dreamt it. And true enough, no fail, Michelle would be knocking on the door within days!
3. No name – My tita’s house is beside my late lola’s house. One night, they saw a light in my lola’s house. The thing is, it’s been long abandoned, it’s locked from the outside, and the electricity has been long disconnected.
4. Pink – The curtains in my condo started swaying like there was a strong wind, but the windows were all shut, no aircon, no fan. I was pregnant, it was 3am, and living alone. I went down to Mcdo and stayed there until 5am.
5. No name – I once dreamt of a guy who died about 2 years ago. The weird thing was, my aunt had the same dream about the same guy, on the same night as me!
6. Thea’s dad – I was about 7 years old. I climbed a tall cabinet to get toy on top of it. I slipped, and braced myself expecting a really bad fall. Instead, I sort of glided down slowly as if someone was guiding me down gently. No hurts, no bumps.
7. Barang – Last year, for my birthday, I wished for an iPod shuffle. A few days before my birthday, I saw a brand new iPod shuffle lying on a deserted road I was walking on my way 2 work. I’ve always said it’s God’s birthday gift for me.
8. Frederique – My lola used to say na may “tagabulag” ako, meaning hindi nila ako makita pag hinahanap ako, even if I was really there. Until now, lagi nilang sinasabi, “Kanina ka pa nandiyan?” or “Kanina pa kita hinahanap!”
9. No name – My parents asked my aunt in Sydney to buy them tickets to the Sydney olympics opening ceremony months ahead. A week before the event, 2 of their friends managed to get tickets to the opening from a source here in Manila. When they got to the event, they found out that their seats were right beside each other.
10. Gentlewind – My hubby, me and my 2-year old baby were driving on our way to Marikina. On a dark curve, my baby suddenly said “bata”. When we askd her where, she pointed to the left window. I told her, “wala naman eh. Saan yung bata?” She repeated, “bata!” and pointed in front of the car as we were approaching the Tumana bridge.
11. No name – I went up to Baguio on a biz trip with 2 colleagues. We did not make reservations so we had to look around for a place to stay. We passed on the first hotel because we didn’t like the bathroom. The room number was 214. Next hotel was a bit dirty, so passed that up too. We were laughing bacause it was also room 214. Third hotel, we were walking to the room, and I told the bellboy, “this better not be room 214.” He looked at us, with a surprised look on his face, showed the key marked – 214! We ran out as quickly as we could!
12. Araw – When I was in high school, I had a recurring dream about a room with so many rosaries. Eventually the dreams stopped. Many years after, many failed relationships after, I finally met a man who I thought was the one. First time I enter his room, what should I see: a room filled with rosaries! He told me that he used them as protection from spirits that used to plague him when he was in high school, same time I was having those dreams!
13. Spike – I lent my notebook to a classmate, and the same afternoon, he went to the house and returned it. I remember putting the notebook on top of the TV. A few minutes later, another classmate arrived and was returning the very same notebook that was returned a few minutes earlier! I don’t remember lending it to him, so to show him the weird occurrence, I dragged him to the TV to show him the notebook on top of it, but when we got there, it was gone!
14. No name – On our way to the UP fair, I was telling a friend about my crush whom I haven’t seen for over a m0nth. My friend joked that I should be on the look out in case he’ll be at the fair. Then, at the entrance, he was there…wearing the shirt I gave him the Christmas before.
15. Judgedave – The day before our office was to be demolished, our assistant editor was sleeping over all by himself. Then he recieved an inter-office phone call. He thought it was strange to get a call being alone and all. But he answered the call. A crying voice was on the other line pleading, “Huwag nyo naman gibain ang bahay namin…”
16. No name – One time my cousin and I were making a bet as to the food that night in the dorm. She wanted chop suey and I wanted chicken curry. When we went down for dinner, guess what the food was? Chicken curry and chop suey!
17. Noelle – Years ago, a container truck crashed into our wall, killing a bystander instantly. Since then, almost weekly, a truck would always stop in front of our house, either due to a flat tire or engine trouble.
18. Silent Rusher – I decided to meet a girl I met in a chatroom. After an afternoon of sex, I drove home. The first car I saw, had a sticker on the rear bumper, it went: “I know what you did – GOD”. I am married.
19. Doorknob – My friend rented a big house in Baguio. That night, after bathing, my friend looked in the mirror for a while. She turned around, and when she looked again, the mirror had a crack down the middle. When she told the caretaker about it, she asked, “what mirror?” Turns out there was no mirror.
20. Phambotsdad – Once when I was a kid in Batangas, I woke up because a guy was knocking on my window, asking me to open the door. As I got out of bed, I remembered that I was on the 2nd floor.
21. No name – Nung bata pa kami, binabato naimn yung mga gabi sa likod ng bahay. Biglang may sumigaw na matinis na boses, “Huwag niyong batuhin ang gabi!” Lumingon kami sa paligid, pero wala naman kaming nakitang ibang tao.
22. Aspen – They built a new wall for my room, made of wood. After, the carpenter couldn’t find the hammer that he used to seal the wall with. My mom had a creepy feeling it was inside the wall. After hours of searching, we broke down the wall, and it was sealed inside the wall.
23. Glai – I was alone in our house one night. I was making coffee when I couldn’t find the creamer. I searched but didn’t find any. Then when I returned to my coffee, it already had creamer stirred in.
24. InfraROD: I hear voices whispering in my ear, “Lilipat ulit yang dalawang yan sa ibang station…”
25. No name – I was doing overtime at the office, when one of the shared printers start printing. We figured it was just a delayed printout or a system error. But when we looked at the printout, it was a picture of a group of kids in a lamay, smiling at the camera. None of us knew any of the kids. And we couldn’t trace whose computer printed it out.
26. O2jam21 – When we went camping somewhere in Bulacan, we set up camp then started going around the site to look for wood. When we came back, there were tombstones in the middle of camp.

Manila Bulletin Article

A big juicy thanks to Manila Bulletin, to the writer Ron Lim, and to the editor Ivy Mendoza, for that wonderful article they came out with, yesterday, April 19, Saturday, about my book “Retold Asian Myths”. It came out in the Youth section of the newspaper. I was shocked that it took a good, one whole page with a huge picture of me with my camera. Again, thanks to my photo lessons classmate and photo buddy Lennie Reyes for the picture! Thanks for letting MB use it. My mom called me up on my phone shrieking. I thought something awful had happened. She was tickled pink seeing the article, especially since it carried my real name. It’s always been a beef of hers that I use a radio name, instead of my birth name. She always drones on about how, isn’t my real name snazzy enough for a radio name? Uhm…no.

Side Story: Did you know that I actually never received a single centavo (or cent, since I was supposedly paid in dollars?) from writing the book? I don’t remember exactly how much I was supposed to be paid, roughly around $1,000 I think, but I never got a drop of dinero from the whole deal. I’m sure the publisher paid me, but let’s just say, middlemen “lost” the wayward dollars. It’s a touchy topic, not for me, but I guess for whoever got my money. It wasn’t really about the money for me, but more a realization of a longstanding dream. I guess I was so aliw with the whole shebang that I didn’t realize in time that someone sneaked off with my money. I have theories, but theories are not fair when it comes to accusations of swindling. I’d rather give people the benefit of the doubt. But I did get the 5 paperback copies that the contract stated I should be getting. If I wanted more, I’d have to buy copies of my own book! Friends even noticed that the book had 2 ISBN’s, meaning it’s on its 2nd printing and that I should be paid again. But I’m not really sure what was in the contract I signed with blood (okay, okay, ink) years ago. And that’s water under the bridge. That’s why I’m just so amused that the book should get a second life 8 years after it came out. It’s like I had a kid who got lost and after many years, shows up at my door. Welcome home, fruit of my loins!!!

The Best And The Rest 25

Phones are no longer gadgets, they’re lifestyles. Everything is done by phone. We feel naked and amputated without our phones. We panic without our phones. The very few times in recent memory that we had to do without our phones, are etched indelibly in our memories as absolute nightmares. There are even cellphone relationships, phone sex, and phone break-ups. Madonna even revealed that she and husband Guy Richie both sleep with their Blackberries under their pillows.

February 29, 2008 → The Top Ten Phone Moments

1. Knowstrils – Caller: “May I speak with Mr.Robert Chan please?” Secretary: “He’s not here, I’m afraid.” Caller: “Why are you afraid?” Secretary: (pause) “Because he’s not here?”
2. Chesapeak – I called my friend who has a Japanese boss. Me: “Hello, is Tina there?” Boss: “She is present in the office, but absent on her desk right now.”
3. Doorknob – Someone called our home phone and asked, “Hello, puwede makipag-penpal?”
4. Beth – My friend called her boyfriend’s house. Friend: “Hello, si Tonton?” Girl: “Sino ‘to?” Friend: “Si Tintin. Eh ito, sino ‘to?” Girl: “Si Tantan.”
5. Selle – Someone called and asked, “Puwede kay Anna?” I replied, “Walang Anna dito.” The caller then said, “Ay…alam mo ba number niya?”
6. No name – An unlisted number called my cellphone at 11pm. I answered, and a lady angrily said, “Cellphone ng asawa ko ‘to, bakit nasa ‘yo?”
7. W8ing2bfound – I was calling my friend angel but I wasn’t sure of her number. And so I went, “Meron po bang nakatirang angel diyan?” To which the woman on the other end answered, “Walang nakatirang angel dito! Puro demonyo tao dito!”
8. Jacq-jacq – An officemate was directing our messenger over the phone. Officemate: “Hanapin mo yung Petnis Pers! (Fitness First)” Messenger: “Ano, hanapin ko si Bretni Spers?”
9. Doc’s daughter – My brother’s phone rang. When he checked, it was our mom. But she was sitting right there beside him in the car. Later, they found my mom’s phone in her room…turned off.
10. Nabby – My grandma once called the house, asking, “Hello, nandiyan ba ko?”
11. Loipogi – Someone called the office and said: “Nandiyan ba si Gab?” I said, “Wala.” Then the guy said: “Alam ko, nandito siya sa bahay eh. Naka-leave!”
12. Sheshe – At our office, I was about to send a fax, when I said, “Fax tone, please.” The person at the other end of the line replied: “Walang paks tom na nakatira dito.”
13. E3c – My officemate Ben received a call from Per, asking for another officemate, Luz. So Ben shouted, “LUZ, SI PER! LUUUZ, SI PEEERRR!!!” Inulit-ulit pa.
14. Curt Smith – We were listening to the radio at the office when my officemate changed the dial and started picking up a conversation between our v.p. & his secret mistress. That’s how we discovered their love affair. Our v.p. was using a wireless phone, maybe that had the same frequency of the radio.
15. Espeks – This happened to a friend. Nakunan ang asawa ng brother niya at the time. From the hospital, the wife called home just to test kung magri-ring kasi naisira yung phone, and dapat that day maaayos. After 2 rings, she was shocked when a little child answered and said “hello”. Eh wala namang tao sa bahay nila. She immediately put the phone down.
16. Hanazawa Rui – When I answered a phone call in the office, a kid suddenly sang “Don’t matter if they see us together, but it don’t matter now…” I then replied: “Coz I got you!”
17. No name – A friend called his driver and said, “Manong, pasundo ako sa Ice Monster.” The driver answered, “Okey, saan ba ang bahay niya?
18. Sender – When a caller asked for a certain “Andrea”, I asked him what number he was calling. When he gave me our correct landline number, I ended up saying, “Right number, pero wrong number.”
19. Purrfect Katrina – I was expecting my boyfriend to call any minute, so when the phone rang, I said hurriedly, “Hello? Let’s go out tomorrow. I’ll tell my mom I’m going out with my friends!” After a long pause, the voice at the other end of the line said, “Katrina…this is your mom, and you’re grounded!”
20. Alem – I called up a friend and their maid answered. Me: “Nandiyan po ba si Susan?” Maid: “Nandito.” Me: “Pwede po ba siyang makausap?” Maid: “Pwede.” Me: “Uhm…pwede mo siyang tawagin?” Maid: “Pwede din…”

Binondo (Wala Lang…)

I’m pretty much done with my Binondo posts, but I just wanted to share some super “wala lang” photos mainly because I just found it so amusing that even the most insignificant corner of the dingiest building or the darkest corner of a putrid side street can unveil at the very least an interesting pattern or a whimsical image that actually looks good captured in a photo. We did these photos as just an exercise, so we weren’t exactly expected to come up with great pics. It’s no journalistic statement, or artistic creation, but to me they looked pretty engaging. I guess what the point of the exercise was to train the eye to see beauty beyond the usual barriers and definitions of the word. Even pictures of trash sometimes looked better than some of my “legitimate” pics.

The Best And The Rest 24

When we’re enamored with someone, we put them on a pedestal and they can seem to do no wrong. But reality has a way of biting hard just to make sure we’re brought back to the ground. Reality makes sure to remind us that our crushes are human too, who stink, fart, burp, and whatever human bodily function there is.

February 28, 2008 → The Top Ten Things About Your Crush That Turn You Off

1. No name – Once I heard him do the “waktu” (the sound you make when you spit out phlegm), and actually swallowed his phlegm back. That was it for me.
2. Dion - I had a crush on a friend before, and when he removed his shoes, the odor was unexplainable – Grabe! Makapunit ilong!
3. Bernadette – I had a crush in high school. He learned about it at pinagpustahan nila ng barkada niya na mapapasagot niya ko agad.
4. No name – I had a big crush w/ this waitress. Then after few text exchanges, we went out and ended up going 2 my place and…man…she moaned like a man!
5. Kikhai – I had a crush on this super guwapo & hearthrob basketball player back in college, but he turned me off when he said, “Tara, Let’s play SCRAMBLE”, pointing to the Scrabble game board.
6. SPY Shadow – There was this 19-year old ‘Japayuki’ crush of mine. One lunchtime, she arrived late and there was no clean plate for her, and to my surprise, she grabbed the ‘kaldero’ cover then served herself, sat and ate na nakataas pa ang isang paa!
7. Jedi Mstr – Back in college, my crush had a cute smile until she sang Barry Manilow’s, “Can’t Smile Without you, and her false teeth fell off!
8. Dongster – My crush has beauty and brains, a Chinese mestiza. Kaya lang her butt is hungry like a wolf, laging kinakain ng puwet niya yung panty niya.
9. Spike – When I invited my crush to watch “Finding Nemo”, I noticed that she’s kinda SLOW, based on her questions like: “What’s the name of the blue fish?” and “Why did Nemo run away?” Paano pa kaya kung “The Matrix” yung pinanood namin? Baka bumula na bibig nun!
10. Pompa Gong – When my crush visited my house, he said “Ayoko ng amoy nitong goosi.” I turned around and got turned off when I saw him holding my Gucci perfume.
11. Ponyang – My crush in a karinderia asked me one time, “Paano luto ng egg mo, cramble?” And I said, “Lagyan mo naman ng ‘S’ yung cramble.” Then he goes, “Ay nga pala, ‘crambles’!” I laughed and never went back there again.
12. No name – My super crush in college is tall, dark and extremely handsome. But one time, during an out of town trip with my friends, I later found out that when he got drunk that night, he had sex with my gay best friend.
13. Daikii – My crush was the top 1 in class and he was handsome. What turned me off was when he cried when I beat him to 1st place during a math quiz bee.
14. Espeks – Ok naman siya, kaya lang di masyadong maganda sa tenga ang last name niya: “Baclaan”.
15. Tipipay – I had a crush on a batch mate, but once he found out, he led me into believing that he was married & that he had kids, when he did not.
16. Cbboating – My crush was very sexy and flawless. Since madalas ang double shift sa opisina, minsan pag kausap ko, ang hininga niya amoy lumang baul or bagong tasang Mongol pencil!
17. No name – He’s my ultimate crush and so I sometimes stalk him. To my shock, I once caught him in the CR, curling his lashes! Yikes.
18. Charlie61 – My crush shaves his hair on the arms. I know because when our skins touch, I could feel the prickly stubble like that of a cactus.
19. Emot – She’s perfect – beautiful, sweet, and soft-spoken. And yet she settles being the other woman.
20. Your Highness – Dati kong crush sa office – perfect na sana! Huwag mo lang pagsasalitain, kasi may “thwang” daw siya.
21. Jensine – After 5 months of dating a rich, handsome guy, we went to a hotel. But when we kissed – ang alat!!! It made we walk out!
22. No name – One time the girl I had a crush on was yawning and stretching. And I saw her belly button hair. Yuck!
23. Marque – My college crush was a head turner. People turn their heads kasi ang bantot niya.
24. Mokkie – My all time crush is cute, mabait and very funny. But later I found out that he’s a “scratch and sniff” type of guy. He scratches his butt then sniffs his fingers. Ewww. He’s my husband now.
25. Twylyt – His personality is a perfect match to mine. But he always has sex on his mind. Maliit naman ang bird…

Binondo (P. 2)

(Thanks to my classmate Lennie for this picture of me!)

I wasn’t crazy about Binondo as the site of our Travel Photography Project. There was a stretch of years when we were in Ongpin on a weekly basis to visit our herbalist. So suffice it to say, I had Binondo up to my neck that could last me a couple of lifetimes. I felt that there was nothing new to discover in a place I visited so often, many times resentfully and against my will. Boy, was I wrong. One of the best things I walked away with from that travel class, was the training of the eye to see beyond the dirt and grime, and to see beauty, or if nothing fits any of your definitions of beauty, at least compelling subjects, riveting enough to capture as an image.

For the first part of my Binondo pics, I posted most of the cheery, colorful, touristy scenes I was able to shoot. But as any of us know, any city in Manila has a somber side, which is in fact the more commonplace face. It was just so ironic that in the city where commerce was at its most bustling, there was also rampant poverty whichever way you looked.

Basically, the two stark images that were the countenances of poverty in Binondo for me, were that of people sleeping on the streets, and the roaming street children in varying degrees of disarray. Nothing captures the spirit of poverty more vividly than people sleeping on the pavements – the most vulnerable of activities in the most hostile of habitats.

Here are the sleeping images:

And to see children of all ages and sizes, at a time in their lives when they should be taken care of and nurtured and protected, all disheveled and left to fend for themselves, is simply heartbreaking.

Here are the children:

But no matter the squalor, Binondo still pulses with hope and an unwavering fire to survive and push on. Even the dingiest of the poor manage to eke out a smile or to playfully pose for a photograph, and you get the feeling that no matter how difficult their circumstances may be, they try their best to cling to life the best they can. Let me leave you with two images that speak of the warmth I felt in Binondo that betrayed the true spirit of the place despite the dismal superficial raiment. Call the feeling fuzzy…