Malapascua (P. 4)

(Conclusion)

Let me end my Malapascua posts with 3 sets of photos. A set with the different flowers and plants of the island (I couldn’t resist shooting flowers mainly because they don’t move), a set with the beautiful and warm kids, and a set of pics I didn’t really know how to categorize, so I just bunched them under the “wala lang” pics.

Malapascua’s Flora:

Malapascua’s Children:

And here are the “wala lang” pics with their titles…

“Ceramicat”

“Wala Lang (aw)”

“May Tulo”

“Photosynthesis”

“Spy There”

“Fountain Of Youth”

“Takbo, Tourist, Takbo!”

And so, our little tryst with Malapascua was over. The boat ride back to the mainland was gloomily sad.

And as for the 4-hour bus ride back to Cebu City, where do I start? Unlike the trip going to the port, the trip back was infinitely worse. Being Holy Monday, the buses were packed! Most of the people were standing up the entire 4 hours! It was so bad that the passengers were already shouting at the driver to stop picking up more people since even the standing room had literally no more space. And when it rained, once the windows were closed, people started smoking. I had no idea why they did that. What were we, tinapa? Finally we got back to Cebu, took a cab to the airport and caught our flight back home.

Just when I thought my discomfort was over, I get sandwiched between 2 aromatically challenged old men. The man to my left smelled like a hard day’s work and he kept coughing the whole flight (for a germ-phobe like me, this is a nightmare). The elder gentleman to my right reeked of aftershave mixed with an oily, earthy scent. To be fair, he didn’t smell bad, but the one-two punch of distinctly violent aromas from both sides made for a heady brew, a thick soup of noxious fumes. I was gagging the whole time.

But despite the travel woes, I took home wonderful memories and images of Malapascua. In case you want to check out Mangrove Oriental Resort, you can contact the owner, Josephine (0916-2185534). I hope it won’t be long until my next travelogue to share with you somewhere interesting.

Parting shot…

The Best And The Rest 19

There are 2 things we say in anger: those that we don’t really mean, but we say them just because our anger blinded us, and those that we secretly mean, and it only came out because rage disabled our edit button. Honestly, I don’t know which is worse…

February 19, 2008 → The Top Ten Things We’ve Said In Anger

1. Joanna - To my quasi-boyfriend: “Sana makulob ka sa sarili mong utot para malaman mo kung gaano kasama ang ugali mo!”
2. Em-em unggoy - An angry yaya scolding her makulit ward: “Ay told yu nat tu du dat, yu du dat! Naw luk at!” (Translation: “Sinabi kong huwag mong gawin ‘yan, ginawa mo pa rin. Ayan, tignan mo!”)
3. No name – My sister was so mad at me for teasng her that, red in her face, she shouted: “You..are such..A BARST PERSON!” Hindi siya makapili between bastos and worst.
4. Doctor On Call – When I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me, I told him: “Kaya nga ako nagboyfriend ng pangit dahil ayoko ng may kaagaw!”
5. Ruby – Out of frustration, I said this to my husband: “Inaano ba kita, bakit mo ko inaano!”
6. No name – My super nice but legally blonde-ish friend got into an accident. A truck smashed into her Fortuner. The truck driver didn’t take her seriously and in fact kept laughing at her because of her super kolehiyala way of talking. When they got the police station, the truck driver kept laughing and mocking her. In my friend’s anger, she screamed: “Gusto kita sampalin, but your face is so oily!!!”
7. Maricon – After I learned that a “Christian” friend was telling common friends a false version of a situation that made me look bad, I told him these exact words: “For you to claim that you have Jesus in your heart is tantamount to blasphemy!”
8. Regine – Everytime gagabihin ako ng uwi sa bahay, my angry mom would always say: ”Pinapanalangin namin ng papa mo na sana pag nagka-anak ka, haliparot ding tulad mo!”
9. No name – I told a grade one bully who bullies my grade one son: “Do you want me to kill you? Do you want me to kill your whole family? Get out of my son’s face!”
10. Billie – “I’ll kill you until you’re dead!”
11. Dox – My brother and I said this when our dad was being a lame ass again: “Sa susunod na subukan niyang magpakamatay, hayaan na natin siya.”
12. Tani – When I was in high school & got angry with my group members, they accused me of not calling them up. In front of all our classmates and our male teacher, I yelled: “Anong hindi tinawag, eh halos lumawit na yung tinggil ko sa kakatawag sa inyo!!!” (What I wanted to say was, “lumawit na yung litid ko”)
13. Dark Fader – Overheard from an angry girlfriend in Starbucks: “Where did you…Where have you…Saan ka ba galing?!?”
14. SPY Shadow – I’ve told this to an annoying old maid customer in our sari-sari store: “Ano ba, bibili ka ba o lalamutakin mo lang ang itlog ko?!?”
15. Kobe Kong – In the heat of gitgitan on the road: “Sige, gitgitin mo pa ako para magbanggaan tayo! May apat pa akong magagamit habang inaayos kotse ko. Eh ikaw?”
16. Phoebechikay – When I was in c0llege, we made assumpti0ns regarding what happened to my friend. Angrily she blurted out: “Ang hilig niyo kasi mag-ASSUMPT!”
17. Wendy – When my mom told me: “Why is it that your cousin does a lot better than you?” I answered: “Maybe because auntie is a lot better than you too.”
18. Judgedave – My ex: “Sasampalin mo ko, no? Naiinis ka na no? Sige, sampalin mo ko! Sige! Sampalin mo ko!” (PAK!) “Sinampal mo ko…bakit mo ko sinampal…?”
19. Shoao Da Brat – When I was being harassed by this school guard when I was in college, I blurted out: “Kung di ka pa tatayo diyan ng pitong beses kada linggo, di mo pa mapapahigop ng sabaw ang pamilya mo!” I felt so guilty afterwards.
20. Doctor On Call – My friend told our calssmate: “Nakaka-offend na yang kilikili mo, ha!”
21. Gabriel Knight – Back in high school, my classmates were caught peeping on our pretty young teacher when she saw a small mirror under her desk, just below her skirt between her legs. The next day, our old maid teacher burst into the room, arms outstretched, legs wide open, shouting: “Matapang kayong mamboso pag nakatalikod ang biktima nyo, ha! Sige, ayan, nakaharap ako! Sige, BOSOHAN NIYO KO!”
22. Gaile – This is what I said to my boyfriend during a fight: “Yan kasing utak mo, mas maliit pa diyan sa titi mo!”

Earth Hour!

According to www.earthhour.org:

“On March 31 2007, for one hour, Sydney made a powerful statement about the greatest contributor to global warming – coal-fired electricity – by turning off its lights and non-essential electrical appliances. Over 2.2 million Sydney residents and over 2,100 businesses switched off, leading to a 10.2% energy reduction across the city. What began as one city taking a stand against global warming caught the attention of the world.

In 2008, 24 global cities will participate in Earth Hour at 8pm on March 29. Earth Hour is the highlight of a major campaign to encourage businesses, communities and individuals to take the simple steps needed to cut their emissions on an ongoing basis. It is about simple changes that will collectively make a difference – from businesses turning off their lights when their offices are empty, to households turning off appliances rather than leaving them on standby.”

So please, please, please, in case your inclined, wherever you are in the world, let’s support this worthy cause! Just shut off your lights and non-essential electric appliances for a full hour in solidarity with the rest of the world, and see the difference it makes. Even huge malls like the SM mall chain are joining in. Wherever you are, once 8pm hits on March 29 in your location, turn off the lights, okay?

Malapascua (P. 3)

It was the dawn of our 3rd day, Palm Sunday, that we woke up at 4:30 am because we were going diving to spot the elusive thresher shark at Monad Shoal. At dawn, they go up to the shoal, from the depths of the sea, to be rid of parasites by the cleaner wrasse who patrol the area. If we’re lucky, we might even see a manta ray or two. So we proceed to the dive shop to meet with the others.

We were diving with 2 young Swedish girls and an older Australian couple. Everyone was excited to see the thresher shark and it’s trademark whip-like tail. Actually, everywhere you go on the island, you’ll see thresher fetish in full blast…

Unfortunately, there’s this crazy German lady who also boarded the dive boat with us. She wasn’t diving , but she just wanted to, “see the sunrise”. According to her, she used to own a resort but it closed down. She kept on twiddling with our dive gear, she made me hold her ciggies while she adjusted her sarong in front of my face (I think I saw some bush at one point), and out of nowhere, she would start hooting like an owl. WEIRD. To cut a long story short, we didn’t see the shark because there were too many divers ahead of us (the bubbles scare them), the current was too strong making the visibility VERY silty, and so we went back empty-handed.

Back at shore, we were starving so we went to our favorite haunt in the island, an Italian restaurant owned by real Italians (as opposed to fake ones?), called “La Dolce Vita”.

Here’s the view looking in:

Here’s the view looking out:

We always prefer to eat at the porch because it has a lovely view of the beach, with the owner’s many dogs and cats lounging lazily around.

And speaking of which, one time while we were eating, one cat suddenly decided to jump on my lap and so I fed it some of the fancy bread we were served.

It was so strange because we’ve been coming to the restaurant so many times but I’ve never seen the cats go on anyone’s lap. I wasn’t even calling it and I didn’t feed it until it was already on my lap. Even weirder, it happened again on another day. It’s as if the 1st cat tipped off the 2nd one to check out the pushover chubby tourist.

The 2nd cat didn’t even take the food I offered it! It just wanted to lounge there, like a tropical sphinx, surveying her kingdom. And enough of the pussies, let me tell you about the scrumptious food! The reason we keep coming back is because of the authentic Italian cuisine. I’m not a big fan of Carbonara (I like cream in my dessert, not in my food), but I swear, their version was really good!

But my favorite dish, which I ordered maybe 4 times the whole weekend, was the fish in lemon sauce (slurp, slurp!):

It was sooo good, juicy fish with the clean zesty tang of lemon, and no cholesterol! Healthy eating never tasted so good. But the coup de grace of every meal was the best tiramisu…IN THE WORLD. I have never tasted anything like it. Usually tiramisu here in the Phils. takes the form of a cake, right? This was like cream and heaven in a bowl. Cholesterol be damned!!!

This is me after every meal:

And what I really like about the restaurant is that it’s along what for me is the best beach on the island. It had the finest sand, the cleanest surroundings, and the most swimmable beach.

The previous day, we met some people from Denmark and Iceland who were stationed in Shanghai. They decided to go to Malapascua (which by the way literally means, “unfortunate Christmas”) based on what they saw googling on the internet. They wanted to implement programs to introduce education among the poor, the kids, even to rehabilitate some of the young prostitutes they met. We became BFF’s instantly, since we agreed on so many things that we wanted to do, not to mention the fact that we enjoy each other’s company immensely and share a common love for 80’s music! We all quickly vowed that they will come back soon, this time with us as their tour guides, and travel together as we show them what else our beautiful country has to offer.

They also brought up cockfights. One wanted to see it, another was appalled by the brutality of the whole concept. So since I’ve never seen an actual cockfight in my life, we decided to check it out and take pictures so we could show them. On our way to the cockfight, we saw men garbed in brightly colored robes. Apparently, they have this custom during Holy Week where these men would walk all around the island, and pray over all establishments, from the decrepit small shanties to the fancy new resorts. It was a beautiful ceremony.

We also came across interesting graffiti. I know this has something to do with pee and the peen, but could anyone tell me what this actually says?

We also saw a couple carrying stalks on their heads. I don’t know what they were (grains? cogon?), but it was a nice image. The photo is pretty blurred, but let me share it with you anyway.

Finally after a long search, we found the cockfight. All we had to do was walk along the path through the talahib and follow the raucous cheers that we could hear from a distance. The louder the cheers became, the closer we knew we got. When we reached our destination, the roar of the crowd was deafening. It also had the air of a somewhat secret society. It was like a fowl fight club. For newbies, the whole experience was a bit jarring. And the images stayed vivid in our heads for hours after. I really don’t like the idea of animals dying for the amusement of humans. But that’s just me…

Most of my shots were done with the camera hoisted high over my head, since there were so many people in front of me. So all my shots were blurry and poorly framed, but the cock shots turned out blurred in a weird, dreamy, matrix-y way. Here’s an example:

After a fully-packed day, we returned to the room to shower and rest. When night fell, we met up with 2 of our new friends at the newest bar on the island called “Maldito”. It had a cool, laid back style that begged for lounging around with a drink in hand.

After a couple of drinks, we met up with the other 2 and ate dinner in a ridiculously affordable eatery called “Ging-ging’s”. We swapped pictures and stories as we enjoyed our final night on the island. Here they are, our new friends and hopefully future travel-mates, from the left: Gregers, Heba, Nana, and Camilla. We miss them already…

The next day, we go home. But the island of Malapascua has already left indelible images and experiences that we will look back on with extreme fondness. New sights, new friends and new adventures. What more can you ask for?

(To be concluded…)

The Best And The Rest 18

As usual, if the topic is anywhere near sleazy, the creativity comes out in spades. It’s almost twisted that some of the best Top Tens come out when the topic is on the off-color end of the moral spectrum. Enjoy!

February 18, 2008 → The Top Ten Ways To Complete The Sentence, “Ano, Gusto Mo Anuhin Ko Yang Ano Mo?”

1. Mnemonic/Mike’s Bloggerhappy – “Ano, gusto mo palamanan ko yang monay mo?”
2. Shining – “Ano, gusto mo galitin ko yang alaga mo?”
3. Mimi – “Ano, gusto mo galawin ko yang myspace mo?”
4. SPY Shadow – “Ano, gusto mo papakin ko yang sushi mo?”
5. Oinkreptile – “Ano, gusto mo babuyin ko yang baboy mo?”
6. LOipogi – “Ano, gusto mo kurutin ko yang kutchinta mo?”
7. Awsom/Jedi Mster – “Ano, gusto mo amuyin ko yang mani mo?”
8. Margarito/Oinkreptile – “Ano, gusto mo himasin ko yang pussy cat mo?”
9. Joeshred/Carlomagno - “Ano, gusto mo salatin ko yang peklat mo?”
10. Filthy Rich Beggar/Vi – “Ano, gusto mong araruhin ko yang bukid mo?”
11. LOipogi – “Ano, gusto mo biyakin ko yang buko mo?”
12. Awsom/Ate Germs – “Ano, gusto mo himayin ko yang tilapia mo?”
13. Racer- “Ano, gusto mo tirahin ko yang pinya mo?”
14. Jose de Vengenge – “Ano, gusto mo hugasan ko yang pechay mo?”
15. Vi – “Ano, gusto mo patungan ko ng itlog yang hotdog mo?”
16. Joeshred/Cheyenne – “Ano, gusto mo kamayin ko yang bulalo mo?”
17. YñaKì – “Ano, gusto mo kamutin ko yang kati mo?”
18. Menthol – “Ano pare, gusto mo punasan ko yang dibdib mo?”
19. Frederique/Joel Paul – “Ano, gusto mo sisirin ko yang hito mo?”
20. Espeks – “Ano, gusto mo buksan ko yang tahong mo?”
21. St. J – “Ano, gusto mo foot spa-hin ko yang mukha mo?”
22. SPY Shadow – “Ano, gusto mo soundcheck-in ko yang mikropono mo?”
23. Sugalero – “Ano, gusto mo i-moderate ko yang greed mo?”
24. Espeks – “Ano, gusto mo chukchakin ko yang chenes mo?”
25. Jedi Mstr/Kid Bukid/iboi – “Ano, gusto mo hipan ko yang bird mo?”
26. Jose de Vengenge – “Ano, gusto mo kalkalin ko yang kweba mo?”
27. Frederique – “Ano, gusto mo pulbusan ko yang pecs mo?”
28. Joeshred – “Ano, gusto mo silindruhin ko yang manga mo?”
29. Frederique – “Ano, gusto mo upuan ko yang mighty meaty mo?”
30. Chammy/Tuna Belly/Empog -”Ano, gusto mo lawayan ko yang bibingka mo?”
31. Council/Hatchi’s bf/Sugarrush – “Ano, gusto mo papulahin ko yang itlog mo?”
32. NurseJP – “Ano, gusto mo i-blow ko yang trumpet mo?”
33. SPY Shadow – “Ano pare, gusto mo brokeback-in ko yang mountain mo?”
34. Chammy – “Ano, gusto mo itlugan ko yang pugad mo?”

Malapascua (P. 2)

So after enduring the ordeal of a grueling marathon trip to the island of Malapascua, we slept like tombstones until the crowing of the roosters roused us, as we lay tucked safely away behind the safety of our flowery, wispy kulambo.

Fully recharged, we got up, bathed, and ate breakfast at the resort’s restaurant. It’s still the makeshift restaurant, since they’re building a much bigger one to accommodate the deluge of foreign visitors, mostly divers, that flood the island every summer. With my cholesterol levels shooting up, I faithfully stuck to my diet and only ate muesli and papaya for breakfast despite the availability of bacon and eggs with toast and butter (my favorite). Grrrrr…

We also got to chat finally with the resort’s lovely owner, Josephine, the most gracious hostess you’ll ever find. By the way, the name of the resort is Mangrove Oriental. Malapascua is like Boracay or Puerto Galera, with a main beach, lined with resort after resort, along the entire stretch of white sand. Mangrove Oriental is the only resort that’s far from the hullabaloo of the main beach. So if you want the buzz of busy tourists, you’re a 10-minute walk away from it, but you can still enjoy the seclusion otherwise.

Josephine even let us in on their secret weapon: their kalderetang itik which they serve upon request. It’s supposedly the favorite of even the big restaurant owners in Manila. Of course we didn’t get to try it, given my sludgy cholesterol-clogged bloodstream. They even raise their own (ducks? geese? pato? itik? itik? sa manila zoo?). And you know what they serve with the kalderetang itik? Eh di, quackers!!! Har. Har. Har.

Plus, after eating, we finally got to move to the diver’s cottage, which I loved much more than the budget room, mainly because it has aircon and hot water! We’re moving up in the world! Muy classo!

There are many types of rooms that you can choose from – budget (like our first night), diver’s (like the one we transferred to), deluxe (none were available but they looked like this):

And even cottages with themes like “Casbah” and “Safari”. The resort was filled up with mostly Italian families who went there for diving (some of them were staying for 2 weeks!). We seemed like the only Filipinos there (foreigners in our own land!).

The resort also has it’s own beach cove, which often becomes a harbor of refuge during strong typhoons. It’s pretty small, so to have an idea of how the whole beach looks like, put together these two photographs of the left and right side of the cove.

So after we re-unpacked our stuff in our fancy new digs, we decided to explore the nearby village to get to know the culture of the island, more than just the beach areas.

We saw a glimpse of what daily life must be like for the locals.

“Stairway To Nowhere”

In general, it had a very laid-back “balls-in-the-wind” feel:

And as we discovered in the coming days, it seems one of the most popular pastimes on the island is cockfighting. The whole village was riddled with cocks (the fighting kind)!

Pre-”haircut:

After they “circumcise” the cock’s comb:

And speaking of…what’s up with the island’s fixation with this name?

Then we finally hit the main beach. This is the one we were talking about that follows the pattern of resorts one after the other along the shore. But we noticed that the cottages near the water had red “X” paint marks on them. Apparently, the Governor finally gave the law some teeth and will soon demolish any structure within 30 meters from the shoreline at high tide (which happens to be the rule of thumb…or shore…). You go, Guv!!! The sand isn’t as fine as Boracay, and I was annoyed by the boats along the beach, but the up side is, it’s nowhere as crowded as Bora or Galera. Don’t ask me why, but it had a 70’s beach feel. I had “Rock The Boat” swimming in my head as I strolled along the shore…

And every few hundred meters, you get reminded that Malapascua is first and foremost, a diver’s paradise:

Up next, the island cuisine, cockfighting, and the best beach on the island! For now, let me leave you with an image that describes just how friendly the people are, especially the kids! Hands down, Malapascua has the FRIENDLIEST bunch of people I’ve ever encountered.

(to be continued…)

The Best And The Rest 17

Finding the right job is like finding the right person to marry – you’re basically stuck with them for the rest of your life. So it’s good to know what to do and what not to do in the workplace. You wouldn’t want to jeopardize what puts food on the table right? And it’s sooo hard to find work nowadays.

February 15, 2008 → The Top Ten Do’s & Don’t’s At The Office

1. Bongoloid – Don’t save porn in the flashdisk that you also use for work, especially if you have presentations. Some computers autoplay the video files…
2. LOipogi – Do not drink from the water fountain. A friend said they sometimes put boogers on the fountain’s spout.
3. Pointless Mike – D0n’t save your pics in the pc. Because like me, if I saw your pics, I’d photoshop your face and put it on a body of an fhm models.
4. Phambotsdad – Don’t ever prove to your boss that you’re smarter than him, because he’ll send you to some dead end post just to get even.
5. Mikee – Huwag makisawsaw sa hindi mo away.
6. Your Highness – Do not, I repeat, do not do your ‘hoochie-coochie’ at the office. It’s big time ‘MALAS’!
7. Shigella – Huwag makipag-away sa bitchy na baklitang officemate!
8. Psycho – Wag na wag titingin sa mga legs ng officemate mo na naka mini-skirt. Nakaka-stress na, nakakasira pa ng zipper.
9. Tani – Everyone in the office should know how to perform CPR so we can give first aid to those SIPSIP na officemates na nalunod sa sobrang higop sa mga boss.
10. SPY Shadow – Too much ’sharing’ at the office is dangerous to your health. Pang-laban nila yun sa iyo balang araw!
11. Papa Andy – Don’t talk behind your boss back when you’re literally behind his back.
12. Poster Girl – Do not hang a poster that says: “I HATE MY ASSHOLE OFFICEMATES!” in your cubicle.
13. Maximo – Never flirt with your boss’s mistress.
14. Burger machine – Don’t photocopy your boobs or your butt after a champagne-filled office Christmas party.
15. Your Highness – Don’t call those cellphone numbers on the bathroom walls. It’s a trap!
16. Curt Smith – Don’t attempt to answer your celphone while peeing. Magsisisi ka!
17. KAT – Never gossip inside the restroom. You never know who’s inside one of the cubicles.
18. Pixie – Don’t bring home your work, especially if you’re an embalmer.
19. No name – Don’t get caught sleeping in the toilet with a nasty pocketbook.
20. Beam – Don’t put too much trust on your boss. Most of them are M.B.A. – manager by accident.
21. SPY Shadow – Don’t put your officemates necktie inside the shredder while he’s still wearing it!
22. No name – If you work in a gov’t office, don’t let the top officials know you’re joining an anti-gov’t rally, even if your immediate bosses approve.
23. LOipogi – If your company pretends to pay you, get even; pretend to work!
24. Kobe Kong – Be careful in stepping on other people’s heads, as they could be connected to the asses that you’ll have to kiss in the future.
25. Maalindog na paruparu – Be nice to everyone, especially the secretary…you never know who they’re sleeping with.

Malapascua (P. 1)

On the day that we left for the island of Malapascua (mainly to see the much ballyhooed thresher shark), I still had time to go to work since the flight wasn’t until after lunch. After we said goodbye on-air, I rushed home to pack (believe it or not I hadn’t packed yet), then rushed to the cats to groom them, feed them, and to leave enough food while we’re gone, then sped off to the airport with enough time to spare.

The plane left Manila around 1:30 pm. After a quick flight, the plane finally landed and off we went on our latest travel adventure. The tunnel from the plane to the airport was a great metaphor for the trip. It was like I didn’t know what mysteries and goodies lay ahead of the dark tunnel.

Then I saw a poster of our destination: Malapascua Island. I’ve never been to Cebu for a vacation. I’ve been there many times before but always for work – for the Ad Congress, some hostings, and the album tour for our CD (don’t ask!). That was the first time I ever went there purely for holiday purposes.

I had no idea how the place looked like, how we’ll get there, and how long the travel ahead of us still lay in wait, like a predator ready to pounce on some unsuspecting morsel. Phase 1 was done (the plane ride). Phase 2 was the shortest (the taxi ride). It only took about 15 minutes from the airport to the bus terminal.

When we got to the bus terminal, Phase 3 ensued (the bus ride). We had to run after the bus because it was rolling out of the terminal already when we arrived. The timing was perfect because had we missed it, we would’ve had to wait for another bus to be filled up. And as it turned out, we were already late as it was. We left the bus terminal roughly around 3:30 pm.

At first I was having fun, despite the bus being cramped and generally crappy (and did I mention it had no aircon?), snapping away at the sights that I saw around Cebu, feeling like a travel photographer out on assignment.

But the novelty soon wore VERY thin. Especially when I found out that I’d have to stay in that crapfest of a bus for at least 4 HOURS. Boy, was I upset. I thought it was just a quick hour ride to the port or something. But 4 hours?!? Oh well, I started getting bored faster than a preemie having a quickie with Jessica Alba. But I must say, the bus may have been the pits, but the ride was anything but boring. It felt like a surreal movie at times. It would be sunny one moment, then stormy the next. We would all pull down the windows and simmer in all the odors of the passengers, their cargo, and their animals (yes, there were animals). The cast was always changing, with people getting on and getting off at different points, vendors selling things that sounded like tundur and bulbul – I kid you not!!!

Day quickly turned into night and we were still on the road and Madonna was quite right when she said, “Time goes by so slowly for those who wait…” I started watching every nut and bolt on the bus, every scratch, every grafitti, every sign (all of which I couldn’t understand). The sign below is Greek to me. # 2 reads to me as: Give your ticket to the cat for inspection. # 3 reads to me as: Kung may reklamo ka, batukan ang mga empleyado.

The trip got weirder and weirder as the sky got darker and darker. One Kodak moment (in my case “Nikon moment”), could only be described by reading the title I gave the photo:

“Two Sweaty Men On The Bus Showing Me Their Big Angry Cocks”

The next phase (the boat ride) I have no pictures of, mainly because it was pitch black in the port. There were no lights at all; thank goodness we brought flashlights. We met a friendly British guy on the bus (who was with a girl “friend” he “picked-up” in the Philippines) and they missed their boat because we got there at almost 9 pm and the last boat left at 5:30. We decided to let them ride with us since our boat was chartered by the resort. The girl “friend” was whining the whole time, complaining to us that she didn’t want to go to some remote island in the middle of nowhere and wanted to go to some fancy resort in the city instead.

Just when I thought the never-ending travel was over, there was one last phase (the motorcycle ride). I had to angkas behind the sweaty and “fragrant” manong for a 15-minute ride from the beach to the resort. Not being very experienced with motorbikes, I didn’t know that letting my feet dangle on both sides was a BAD idea. The manong banked right, and my right foot hit the ground hard, hitting a rock, and I ended up with a bleeding shin and a numb leg that I couldn’t feel until the next morning.

We got to the resort at almost 10 pm, drained, exhausted, and starving. We gobbled down the food (it was yummy grilled squid), then went to our room, took a shower and scraped away what felt like an inch-thick layer of grime, then off to dreamland. We decided to take the budget room for the first night, since our first day was practically done, so we didn’t want to spend too much for a done day. It was budget mainly because there was no aircon, no hot water, a shared bathroom, and you sleep with a kulambo so you don’t become skeeter buffet.

Next post, you see the resort in daylight and Malapascua! Once our backs hit the bed, it was literally and figuratively, lights out.

(To be continued…)

The Best And The Rest 16

Of course, what is Valentine’s Day without a singles-inspired Top Ten? It just so happened that we also had a singles party so we made tuhog (like manong’s fishballs) VD and the party. And since it turned out to be quite a sleazefest, half of the entries came from just one source: Joeshred. As you will soon notice…

February 14, 2008 → The Top Ten Wrong Things To Say At A Singles Party

1. Humdinger – “Kung pagsasamahin ba ang salitang ‘ikaw’ at ‘ako’…magiging ‘tayo’?”
2. Joeshred – “How do you like your eggs tomorrow morning? Fried, boiled, scrambled, or fertilized?”
3. Loipogi – “I love every bone in your body…especially mine.”
4. Joeshred - “I’m an organ donor, need anything?”
5. Joeshred – “If you were an oak tree, and I were a squirrel, could I bust a nut in your hole?”
6. Joeshred - “That outfit is very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too!”
7. Joeshred – “You remind me of a swordfish, I dont know whether to mount you or to eat you.”
8. LOipogi – “Did you know that sex is a killer? Wanna die happy?”
9. PRiMA DONyA – “Sir, lamesa ka ba? Pwedeng papatong?”
10. Judgedave – “Miss, may ipagtatapat ako sa iyo. (Pause) Ayan…nakatapat na…”
11. Joeshred – “Did you live on a chicken farm? Coz you sure know how to raise cocks.”
12. Dongster – “Miss, I have a problem. I’m still a virgin. Wanna be the solution?”
13. Joeshred – “Do you want to learn how to box? Well, get on your hands and knees and give me 2 blows to the head.”
14. Christian Aguilera – “Palimos…palimos…palimos ng pag-ibig…”
15. Joeshred – “Want to play lion tamer? You get on all fours and I’ll put my head in your mouth.”
16. LOi pogi – “Ang buhay ko parang nakasakay sa seesaw. Pag wala ka, down ako.”
17. Joeshred – “I’m like chocolate, I go straight to your hips.”
18. Joeshred – “I’d love you like a snowstorm – I’d give you 8-10 inches and you wouldn’t be able to leave the house for 3 days.”
19. Humdinger – “Sa araw na ito, sana akin ang puso mo…pandagdag sa bopis.”
20. GANDAKO – “Mahilig ka ba sa pancit canton? Kasi ngayong nakita na kita, feeling ko, ‘LUCKY ME’!”
21. Joeshred – “Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It’s just like a French kiss, but down under.”
22. Mc Maki – Something uncool to say: “Ate, ate, pwede makisayaw?”
23. Joeshred – “I’ll make you shiver when I deliver.”
24. No name – “Miss there seems to be no more seats available, so why don’t you just sit on my lap and let’s talk about the first thing that pops up.”
25. LOipogi – “Miss, hindi tayo tao. Hindi rin tayo hayop. BAGAY tayo!”
26. No name – “Miss, excuse me…(looks at the tag of her dress). Sabi ko na nga ba, made in heaven.”
27. Billie – “Are you a piece of wood? Coz I wanna nail you.”
28. LOipogi – “Dude, two heads are better than one. So, can I give you one?”
29. Kites – “Eh kaya pala single pa kayo, ang papangit niyo!”
30. Joeshred – “You’re like a door – I wanna slam you all day long.”
31. Joeshred – “So I heard you’re a bird watcher.” (whips it out) “Would you take this for a swallow?”

Gotta Watch These!

I’ll let the videos speak for themselves…

Gloves of what?!?

Remix!

“Ken Lee”