Yuletide Impotence

In case you’re wondering what this picture is all about — yes, it’s an elephant eating a Christmas tree. In Germany’s Zoo Dresden, they feed leftover trees to elephants, camels, deer, and sheep in a traditional New Year feast of discarded Christmas trees. One of the most revered symbols of the most celebrated holiday in the Christian world, the great Tannenbaum, ending up ignominiously as herbivore excrement in a matter of hours. That sort of puts into perspective all the holiday hullabaloo that many people get into a frantic tizzy about – that in the end, stripped of all the glitter and tinsel, it’s all really just bull**it (or in this case, elephant poop). I’m sorry to be scrooge-ing on the eve of a holiday that is sacred to many. In fact so many people are grinch-ing (a synonym of scrooge-ing) during Christmas that it has become such a cliche to be NOT into the season. I actually think it’s more rebellious now to subscribe to the Christmas Spirit since the majority have already joined the “yule-ain’t-cool” movement. It’s like a backlash to the backlash. The truth is, I don’t feel the holiday cheer. I want to get it over and done with. I can’t wait for life to be normal again. I feel like it’s all about the money and my wallet is like a ravenous beast with a hungry, gaping maw. The kids will probably play with the toys you gave them for about 10 minutes, then move on to a bigger, better toy, and forget about who gave them what. And I do NOT want to deck the halls with boughs of holly. Deck them yourself and leave me out of it. That said, I really still want to believe in Christmas the way I solemnly did when I was much, MUCH (as in decades) younger. Just because I feel that Christmas has become a mandatory celebration, (Whappack! “Look lively, you lily-livered riffraff! Rejoice and celebrate, whether you like it or not, you mothercluckers!”) it doesn’t mean I don’t subscribe to what it aspires for. It’s actually a noble cause, to want to annually remind people of the “good” stuff — the basic “good”ness of human nature, “good”will for all mankind, blah this, blah that. It’s the translation from doctrine to deed that seemed to have lost its way. So I’m a scrooge not because I don’t believe in Christmas, or what it stands for, but because I can’t seem to re-live the enchantment that held sway over me in my youth. I still believe in it, I just can’t seem to feel it, no matter how hard I try. It’s like Yuletide impotence, I can’t seem to get the spirit up. But the fight is far from over! I will feel the Christmas Spirit again even if I have to take emotional viagra to do it. Maybe if I look at sexy reindeer pictures over a glass of Sarsi with egg? Merry Christmas Everyone! (I mean it, REALLY!)

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